Collide
by rosieloves23
Summary: AU. Peyton is a top class paediatric surgeon who has made her career her life. Lucas is new in the hospital, pushing boundaries, breaking rules and just driving her crazy. But their instant spark can't be ignored, no matter how hard Peyton tries.
1. She Lives In The Storm

**A/N: Guys, i'm really sorry, i have no idea what happened to my story the first time around but i'm trying again and the next chapter will be up tomorrow! Thank you for all the reviews, i hope this works this time!**

**So this has been rolling around in my head for a little while and will be replacing the hole in my heart that forms when TLC finally ends. I just wanted to explore Peyton in a different field where she's top of her game and still good with her hands (art, surgery, i guess there's kind of a connection heh)- and how she and Lucas would come together in it when she's so meticulous with her life and Lucas is the kind of guy who just throws himself into things and deals with consequences later and basically drives her _crazy_. Because everybody loves a bit of sexual tension. This is also going to be a little bit more adult than my last two LP fics- I wanted to do something a bit grittier. Everyone from the OTH world will be in it and working in or around the hospital and i should note now, RN are married so RUN FOR THE HILLS if their scenes will make you hurl. They're not centric but they will be floating around throughout. Hopefully some of you guys stick around to read this even after that :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything or any of the characters mentioned. Or Matt Bomer.**

Peyton spends her days working on tiny hearts. She melds and stitches and fixes them up to go on and face the battlefield for years to come. Some days it's a pancreas barely visible without a microscope or the smallest liver imaginable. Whatever the problem, she loves being able to fix it. She's good at this; she thrives on the adrenaline and the rush she gets in surgery. The power of being a goddess in the OR is better than anything else she's ever known. It's better than love, sex, alcohol, anything. _Nothing_ can touch her when she dons her dark green scrubs and walks through that sliding door, hands held high, ready to cut.

When she's over an operating table her word is law, no-one disputes her, people _learn_ from her and fight for spots on her surgical team just to see her in action. She's a fierce teacher, pushing those around her to push _themselves_ to search for answers and to become as excellent a surgeon as she herself is. She's not being egotistical, it's just the truth. She doesn't have a family outside of Rachel and Nathan, she's barely been out of the hospital for almost a decade and the longest relationship she's had in forever is with her cat, Cas. But she has her job. And she _rocks _at it.

She doesn't really _do_ people in general and yet somehow, she gets kids. She can sit with a four year old and colour with her for hours or let a nine year old basketball enthusiast try and teach her a jump shot from his wheel chair- he was better than her and Nathan laughed for hours at her attempts. It's easier with children, she doesn't have to open up about her feelings or make needless small talk; instead she can let them talk about what makes them happy, see their eyes light up when she comes in with wings on and has a pair for every little girl in her care. The boys always love it when she paints her face and bounces around the ward with a bow and arrow, amusing the ones who can't get up and letting the ones who can chase her. It's simple. Operating? Looking after her patients? _That_ she can do.

And being in theatre, shaping and cutting until the problem is fixed, it's her magic talent. It's the one thing she knows she's good at. It doesn't matter how long a procedure takes, or how difficult it is, the world melts away until she steps away from the table and knows that she has given her everything, done her utmost, to save the life in her hands.

And then she gets to wave her tiny souls off and know that they're alive because of the work she and her team have done. It's the best feeling in the world.

At six Peyton rolled over in the on-call room and reached for her buzzing pager. She swung her legs over the side of the tiny bed, glancing at the number before jumping up, tugging her scrub shirt over her long grey sleeper top. Her mind was already clear and alert, ready for the day and she pulled her hair back and grabbed her charts before heading out of the door. She made her way down the corridor towards the nurse's station and dropped her charts on the counter.

"Casey did oncology call?"

Casey took her charts and nodded, "about five minutes ago Doctor Sawyer; they said they'd take Nicky Hedlund this afternoon."

"Good, thanks. The ER paged?"

"Yep, trauma coming in, ETA eight minutes."

"Is Doctor Gattina on call?"

"She's still in surgery."

"Right," she nodded at the charge nurse and then made her way down the stairs. She barely had time to get to a gym or do any serious kind of exercise so the elevators had to be avoided at all costs. Once in the ER she buried herself in the blur of shouting and fast paced traumas. A tree had collapsed on a car and three teenagers were in with a mix of bruising, cuts and one ruptured spleen. Cabot came down to take the spleen up to the OR once Peyton had assessed and called back to her from the elevator that they needed to talk later. Peyton sighed inwardly, more complicated hospital politics to look forward to.

* * *

The OR was like home for Peyton.

Her town house was gorgeous, set back from the road with a front lawn that was perfectly manicured and a cheery tree that blossomed unnoticed every year. She hadn't touched the oven in the kitchen for years (excepting the one tragic occasion she and Rachel tried to make Nathan a birthday cake and almost burnt down the entire place) and there were kitchen applicants people had bought her over the years that were still in their plastic wrappings. The living room held a wall length floor to ceiling book case and a sofa that still looked brand new. The only rooms she actually used were her bedroom, the study opposite and the bathroom. Her bedroom was a mix of deep pinks and creams and if the staff at the hospital actually ever saw it they'd probably drop dead. The huge mural on the wall opposite the bed changes once a year when she turns off every pager, cell phone and laptop she owns and paints for an entire day. Rachel jokes that it's like a normal person's version of a holiday- over the years it's become less of a joke and more of a concern.

The study was by far her favourite room with another giant book case holding every medical journal she's ever read and back issues of _Q_ and _Rolling_ _Stone_ that she hasn't had the time for but are waiting for that elusive day off she'll eventually take. Black and white photographs covered the wall; Rachel and Nathan on their wedding day, one of her mom and dad with Peyton when she was eight- right before the accident and endless shots of herself, Rachel and Nathan through the years including one of Nathan with a mullet and a glittery pink star around one eye from when he was "coerced" into performing Queen at one of their regular bar's karaoke nights. He tries and fails to take it down every time he's in the study. There was a worn black sofa that Cas lived on and Peyton sometimes (more often than not) fell asleep on and a massive oak desk always covered in papers. There was an order to the mess though; papers on the far left underneath a purple tab were for research papers, yellow tabs were present patients, green for closed cases she still wants to go over and blue was personal- letters, bills, statements- the personal pile was always the smallest.

When she first moved in she had a second bedroom but over the years it's become the room where she keeps her record collection. It's the one thing she makes time for and often the thrum of music through the floorboards is what sends her to sleep after a difficult case. Mostly though, she barely has time to come home and feed Cas let alone sleep on a comfortable surface. Sometimes when she potters into the living room, there's a layer of dust on the mantelpiece or a coffee cup she left on the table three months ago and forgot was there. The contents are always kinda gross.

Her house is great, she's fond of it, but it's not her home. It doesn't make her feel at ease, it doesn't fit her like a second skin. She doesn't belong there.

She stepped through the sliding door, hands held high and her eyes focused on the child in front of her.

"Hi Thomas, you remember me?"

The boy looked sleepily up at her, "Doctor Sawyer?"

"You remember! Well we know not to mess with that big brain of yours," he gave her a tiny smile and she gave him a warm look, "just gonna get rid of that pesky appendix and you'll be back to your usual awesome self in less than no time ok dude?"

"Are you gonna stay?"

"I'll be here the whole time Tom, right next to you ok?"

He sighed, satisfied, "ok."

"Alright," she nodded at her anaesthesiologist Quinn and then looked back down at Tom, "can you count down from ten for me sweetie?"

"Ten...nine...eight..." His eyes drooped closed and she cracked her neck as she moved around the table. "He set?"

"All set."

"Thanks Quinn, scalpel!"

She never needed to ask twice, if she wasn't as thorough as she was naturally, she wouldn't even need to double check her patient was under; she knew her team had things under control, hell her team was _perfect_.

_This_ was where she belonged.

* * *

At the end of the surgery (twenty eight minutes thank you very much) she pulled off her favourite scrub cap and ran a hand through her hair, "I'll meet you in post-op," she called to Brooke. The brunette nurse waved a hand and shot dimples at Peyton before pushing Thomas down the corridor.

She made her way to the locker room feeling pleasantly buzzed and then scowled when she saw Chris loitering on one of the benches.

"Hey there sunshine!"

"It's way too early Keller," she snapped, "come back at twenty past never."

He sat up smirking and clutching at his chest, "oh blondie you cut me deep, care to stitch me up?"

She glowered at him and then moved over to her locker silently.

"What, you just gonna ignore me in the hope I'll give up and disappear?"

"That's the plan," she said shortly, pulling at the door and dropping her cap inside.

Chris slid up next to her and rested an arm over the open door, "don't be like that Sawyer, you know you want me."

"Yeah?" She twisted to look at him and then leant in close; he smirked and leant forward to meet her.

When they were a breath away from each other she grabbed his ear and he screeched, "shit Sawyer!"

"Get this close to me again and I'll make sure you end up with a not so pretty scar right across your chest when I remove your _heart_ Chris."

"Ah fuck!" He pulled away and clutched at his ear, "jesus what the hell?"

She shrugged, "I would have broken some of your fingers but I'm a professional and I know how much your hands are worth, _unfortunately_."

He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked again, "I could make the knowledge _not_ so unfortunate if you want."

"You never learn do you?" She sighed exasperatedly and slammed her locker shut, "how do you not get this Chris? Years of working with me and you still haven't worked out that I don't sleep with anyone else wearing scrubs all day?"

"I only wear these when I'm operating."

She rolled her eyes, "I give up."

"Weak baby, I'd have thought you had another year of insults in you at least." At the door she flipped him off and he laughed, "that's the spirit!"

His manic giggles followed her down the hall and she sighed again. She had no idea why he thought she was a toy he could play with. Of all of her colleagues, Chris was the only one who never showed her any of the respect she _knew_ she'd earned. Hell she knew she could run circles around him in the OR and yet he had never chosen to respect her boundaries. And it sure as hell wasn't because she was an easy target; she'd set a tone early on in her career that was all business, no nonsense and _no_ flirting. She was probably considered a cold hearted bitch by most of the people she worked with and yet, she really didn't care.

As if proving her point the three moronic interns she'd been lumbered with now that Mitchell was off on maternity leave came running up to her in the hall. She'd only accepted the damn kids because they were highly and almost overly qualified and Elizabeth had practically _begged_- threatening to go into labour on the spot- if she didn't. They had to at least be good for something.

"Doctor Sawyer I have those lab reports you requested."

"Oncology said they'd get back to you on moving the Hedlund case upstairs."

She ignored their presence as she continued to ponder how the hell she could get Chris to back off. She couldn't even set Nathan on him as the two of them seemed to actually _like_ each other.

"Did you want to round on post-op or pre-op patients first? Doctor Mitchell always used to like to check in with her-"

Damn it they were interrupting her _thinking_ time with their babbling. She took a deep breath and then swung round to face them all.

"First of all, I requested those reports before I went into surgery, was there something preventing you from being able to get them in my hands before eight am? Were you perhaps otherwise occupied? Catching up on your beauty sleep?"

"No I-"

She held up a hand, "you don't make excuses Doctor Lively, you just get them done. As my intern I expect you to be competent enough to perform something as mediocre as retrieving lab reports. In the future perhaps I should do it myself to ensure nothing goes wrong in the process."

"I-"

"Secondly, I've already spoken to oncology and they're taking my patient this afternoon, thank you for passing on a message I heard several hours ago Doctor Meester." She turned to look at her final student and raised her eyebrows, "did you care to add to the _terrific_ start you've all made to your morning or can we round Doctor Crawford?"

He barely looked eighteen with floppy bangs falling in his eyes and _dimples_ and she resisted judging him on the spot for being just too pretty to be a doctor.

"No Doctor Sawyer," he flashed her a wide smile and she lifted an eyebrow that immediately killed it; he almost visibly shrank behind Lively.

Peyton inwardly smirked; damn right he should be afraid of her.

"Let's go then," she called before turning on her heel and marching down the corridor, "do you have my notes at least?"

"Of course- they're right here," Meester jumped forward and scuttled along after her. "You have Wahlberg and Benjamin from yesterday's ER trauma, Martin with the kidney transplant, the Gibson case-"

"Doctor Meester, I can read thank you."

"Of course Doctor Sawyer, sorry."

She almost laughed as they followed her into the first patient's room; these kids really had no idea what kind of experience they were in for. She wasn't known for being friendly to interns. Or as Nathan would often say, to anyone that didn't recite procedures in their sleep.

* * *

After rounds and a long discussion with their resident social worker Haley James, she had half an hour for lunch and she made her way through the cafeteria to sit at one of the available tables. Out of the corner of her eye she could see her new interns staring at her with terrified expressions as if they were afraid they'd be punished for _eating_ and she rolled her eyes, she hadn't been _that_ mean.

"What's with the three tiny bambis staring your way Goose, you shoot mommy before lunch?"

She snorted and raised an eyebrow at her best friend as Rachel sat down, "they're driving me nuts. Are they still looking?"

Rachel glanced over her shoulder, "**boo**!" All three interns looked hurriedly back down at their food and she turned back smirking, "not anymore."

"And they think _I'm_ the mean one."

"Honey that's because you _are_ the mean one. I heard one of them get into hysterics earlier because she didn't know if you alphabetised your charts A-Z or Z-A."

Peyton scowled, "that is exactly why I don't have time to baby these interns Rach; they just can't handle paeds."

"Oh yeah," Rachel said teasingly, "paeds is hard core with all the glitter and rainbows."

Peyton twirled her fork around in her hand and considered the red head, "you know, you could take that back, or I could stab your two million dollar hand with this eating implement."

"_Please_, you think you'd do that and dare face Shephard's wrath?"

"It'd be worth it."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "now that we're done with the daily threat of violence you wanna tell me why I can see your roots from the cash till?"

"I haven't had time to book an appointment," she said crossly, "and they're not that bad."

"When was the last time you breathed non- hospital air Peyton?"

"You first."

"I'm married, I don't have to work at looking hot anymore, it's just natural beauty these days. You on the other hand look like you need a three day spa."

"I've been up all night with traumas!"

"No excuse," Rachel's face turned serious, "sincerely Peyt, you're looking thin, even for you."

She shrugged awkwardly, "yeah well, it's been a long month."

"Have you been getting _any_ sleep?"

"Some."

"I'm worried."

"Don't be."

"Well tough."

"Rach I'm fine."

They had this conversation at least once a week; they were both so good at it the short hand was all that was necessary. One or the other them took on too many cases, too many surgeries and the other pestered them to take care of themselves. They both pretended to resent it but it was how they looked after one another. It had been the same way for over a decade.

Rachel sighed and sat back in her chair, idly picking at the chicken sandwich in front of her, "you got anything good this afternoon?"

Peyton shook her head, "just moving Nicky Hedlund upstairs now that we've removed the last of the tumour."

"You think he'll get through chemo? His prognosis was good right?"

"Yeah I'm pretty positive about it."

"Do you think this place will ever sell chocolate milkshakes?" They both looked up at the third member of their awesome trifecta (Nathan's name for them, not Peyton's) and smiled at the tall and handsome man standing above them.

"Maybe we should start a petition?" Peyton suggested.

He scoffed, "Ppft, we could you know- everyone's so damn scared of you they'd sign their houses away if you asked them to."

"Hey!"

Nathan loosened his tie and sat down at the table looking exhausted.

"Baby you look terrible," Rachel reached for his forehead and he shrugged her away, catching her hand.

"Don't play doctor on me now sweetness, I'm fine," he kissed her hand and then smiled wearily at them both, "how are you?"

His wife frowned, ignoring his question and pushed her carton of apple juice at him, "drink my juice."

"Babe-"

"_Drink_ it."

Nathan acquiesced, rolling his eyes and made a show of draining the carton, "happy?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "done acting like you're five?"

"Hey you married me and you knew how I was then."

"Maybe I was hoping you'd change," she retorted loftily.

"Yeah you never mentioned that in the gushing vows you made about how much you loved me, _just the way I was_."

"You suck."

"Oh _burn_."

Peyton cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Nathan, "did you come here for a reason Scott or are you just here to fit in your afternoon flirting appointment?"

Nathan grinned at her, "nah, that's not till two, I've got time for both of you." Rachel pushed one of his fingers back and he yelped in pain, "I'm kidding, Brooke's busy today." She pushed harder and he laughed and tugged his hand away, "ouch! Seriously, kidding! _Damn_ it's so unfair that I can't do that back to you."

"You gotta learn how to fight dirty honey."

"Oh I can fight dirty," he pointed at himself, "_lawyer_? Anyway," he turned to look at Peyton, "got some news for you and Sawyer."

Peyton looked up from the chart she was re-reading, "_bad_ news?"

"Always such a cynic," he said shaking his head and then scratching at his neck, "but yeah, it's uh- pretty bad."

"Crap, law suit?" She scanned her memory quickly, trying to recall any angry parents, any surgery that hadn't been by the book and somehow flawed. She came up with nothing in 0.5 seconds and frowned, "_is_ it a lawsuit?"

Nathan chuckled, "since when have you ever screwed up anything?"

"Err hellooo? My hen party for a start," Rachel interrupted, "and not to mention my second twenty ninth birthday," she added with a hiss.

Peyton rolled her eyes, "_thirty_ Rach, you turned thirty."

"I did not! You take that back!"

"Guys!" Nathan suddenly looked stressed again and they both turned to look at him, meekly apologetic. Rachel took his hand and rubbed her thumb in soothing circles across his palm and he scrubbed his other hand over his face, "my brother's coming into town."

Peyton raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Lucas the long lost brother is returning? Why?"

Nathan sighed, "he's just finished a tour and now dad's gone-" he paused and Rachel squeezed his hand. Nathan gave her a tiny smile and then continued, "I guess he just thinks it's time to return to the coop."

"When did you speak to him?" Rachel asked softly.

He scrunched up his nose, "he rang about an hour ago- I had to go straight into a meeting where Jack was about to break the news to me that we're welcoming a new surgeon next week and oh hey I actually know him and could I draw up the necessary paperwork. I was still in a damn state of shock. Lucas always was good at ruining the surprise," he said drily.

"Wait," Peyton interrupted, "he's coming to work _here_?"

"Yup, pretty much straight off the plane. Apparently he thinks giving me a weeks notice is enough but Jack's known for like two months."

"How did I not know about this?"

"Maybe because Jack doesn't run every person he hires past the two of you? He just tells the _special_ people like me," Nathan said smirking.

Rachel scowled, "but why here?"

Nathan's face fell once more, "to make my life a living hell? To drive you crazy? He's bored of army life? Take your pick babe."

"He hasn't been a civilian since he was eighteen, how's he expecting to fit in?"

"More importantly," Peyton sat forward, "is he any good at what he does?"

Nathan chuckled, "you two haven't been this inquisitive since the day you found out I ran into Matt Bomer."

"Best cardiovascular surgeon in the US not currently eating cheesecake at this table," Peyton said firmly, "we were curious."

"And he's a fox," Rachel added, taking another bite of her cheesecake.

"Yeah his boyfriend thinks so too," Nathan said crossly, glowering at his wife. She smirked and stuck out her tongue and he rolled his eyes before continuing, "anyway, I guess he's good Peyt- Jack doesn't just hire anyone."

"Last time he stayed with us I found him asleep in the shower with a sorority chick," Rachel wrinkled up her nose.

"Yeah, haven't had a good time like that since college," Nathan said dreamily.

Rachel kicked his shin under the table, "_seriously_, is he gonna be taking up space in our living room and eating all my peanut butter again or is he, you know, sticking around this time?"

Nathan shrugged, "hell if I know Rach, the only thing he's ever been committed to is the army- this could be temporary or he might genuinely want to make it work."

"I'll actually get to meet him," Peyton said thoughtfully. Suddenly she clutched her hands together, "whatever shall I _wear_?"

"Oh god please," Nathan groaned, "there's a reason I've tried to keep him away from you for nearly ten years."

"He can't be that bad," she said smirking and pulling her papers together.

"We had to throw our shower curtain _out_ Peyt," Rachel said pointedly, "he's not exactly... your kind of person."

"What does that mean?"

"Well apart from the obvious, it means _I_ don't like him and I actually give most people at least thirty seconds of my time."

"_Hey_! I like people."

"You lie, you like five people tops, including Nate and me."

"You're wrong," she said standing; "now it's only four."

"Ha, liar. You love me, find me later we'll get coffee."

She waved goodbye to her friends and rolled her eyes again as she caught all three of the interns jump up and begin to follow her. It was going to be an interesting month. Over the years Nathan had been reluctant to talk about his older brother much and had made sure on both the ocassions Lucas had been Stateside and visiting, Peyton had been banned from dropping around. He had insisted it was for her own good; Lucas wasn't known for being well behaved around women- Rachel would readily attest to that.

But she was curious... Her pager buzzed and she looked down it at, thoughts broken. Whatever Lucas Scott's mystery was, she didn't have time to daydream about him.


	2. Pretty Handsome Awkward

**AN: Aghh I'm sorry this took so long to UD- I had such issues with ff! Also for some reason I kept re-writing parts because apparently I can't write Lucas. Please forgive any medical or military flaws- I do do my research but sometimes it's impossible to get it 100% right!**

The first thing Lucas learnt about being a medic with the army was that war was nothing like the movies. They always say that in the movies as well but _seriously_, you can't even begin to imagine it. It's not just the smell of surgery you can't wash off your clothes because well, have you noticed any Laundromats hanging around in the desert? And it's not just the endless waiting around between bursts of horrific violence; it's the feeling of absolute panic and desperation when you realise you don't have the right supplies to hand to fix the soldier in front of you. It swells up to the front of your brain so that you can't think about what you're supposed to be doing, all you can see is what you need, what you _don't_ have, what you _can't_ do. When you're in training they don't warn you about that feeling. Sure they tell you it's gonna be hard, they mention that there's gonna be a whole lot of pain and panic and noise and violence but there's no post script note anywhere saying, by the way, most of the time there's going to be _nothing_ you can do.

Lucas was jerked awake by the plane breaking on the runway and he rubbed his eyes, sitting up and looking around, it had been the quietest flight he'd taken in about five years. No-one yelling over the engine of a chopper, no stopping and starting or even jumping in and out of the plane, no last minute superstitions and rituals being done seconds before entry; just the passengers around him wearing jeans and sweaters, gathering up crossword puzzles and magazines. He rolled up his own paperback, _Slaughterhouse Five_- a friend had recommended it- and pushed into his canvas bag. Travelling light was a habit from years of living in tiny, completely un-private living quarters and he wasn't about to break it now; just because he was a _civilian_. He scowled at the idea once again and made his way off the plane, nodding at the hot hostess, "thank you ma'am, it was a wonderful flight."

"Any time soldier," she said with a wink. He smirked to himself; it was always nice to be appreciated.

He arrived at the hospital twenty minutes early and parked the rental car in the nearest available space. He stared up at the huge white building with its glossy windows and sliding doors. There were manicured hedges shaped like swans or some shit outside and not a piece of trash in sight. It looked like something from a movie set; not somewhere people came to bleed, to die or to get lucky and go home fixed. It wasn't what he was used to and he wasn't sure he liked the change. He was better getting down in the dirt and dust, fighting for the space to see and to stitch. Thinking on his feet was the thing Lucas was best at, he was relied on in the field to move fast and work with what he had. Here there were going to be thirty different instruments for the same damn procedure and he was _so_ gonna ask for the wrong implement at some point and end up removing a root canal instead of a clot.

He shook himself and adjusted his tie before walking assuredly across the car park. Hell he could _do_ this; he'd faced a whole lot worse in his time.

As he approached the entrance an ambulance pulled up behind him and a doctor with bright blue eyes and hair sticking up at all angles came flying out to meet them, "this from the pile up?"

"Damn idiots trying to run from the cops," a nurse muttered from behind as she helped pull the first stretcher out.

"Tell me about it," the EMT agreed, "alright we got a five year old, contusions to the face and chest and complaining of severe pain in her right side- pulse is tacky, BP's one hundred over fifty-"

"Excuse me," the doctor was suddenly looking right at Lucas, "you need assistance?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," he said grinning, "Scott, Lucas, new attending, I'm early."

"You're never early in this place, you're always missing something," the doctor nodded at him, "Chris Keller, attending, you wanna give us a hand then Scott?"

"Sure," he moved towards the gurney and began to help push. He bent down to talk to the patient, "hey there sweetheart, how you feeling?"

"My side hurts," the little girl looked up at him, her eyes wet with tears, "where's my mom?"

Lucas glanced up to the EMT quickly, "her mom in the rig behind?"

The EMT shook her head shortly, "flat lined at the scene."

He winced and then looked back at the girl, "you know, your mom's not here right now but I promise _I'm_ gonna keep you company right the way through this ok?" The girl nodded, "alright, what's your name?"

"Kayla."

"That's a pretty name," his eyes took in the corridor as they moved along, two of the trauma rooms were busy and they moved into the third, there were three more further down and a large ER waiting room to the right when he glanced over his shoulder. This place was freaking _huge_.

He grabbed gloves from the box on the nearest counter and a dark haired nurse pulled a gown over his shirt, "on my count, gently now, one-two-three." They lifted her up and over to the table and he began to assess, "02 on a hundred percent."

"Ouch!"

"Tenderness to the right lower side, she's gonna need an ultrasound."

Chris nodded and swung one over, Lucas did a double take, "_nice_, you got portables and everything!"

"Yup, welcome to Oz my friend, you got this?"

"Uh huh-"

"Great, hollar if she starts brading down," Chris moved towards the door and waved a hand back towards the team, "your nurses today are the delightful Jorja and Marg, ladies wave to Scott." Both nurses raised their eyebrows as they moved around the table attaching saline drips and taking Kayla's pulse, basically ignoring him. Chris rolled his eyes, "always nice to be shown some respect around here."

Lucas chuckled and sent him a mock salute, "thanks man."

"No problem, Sawyer'll be down in a minute- if you're still alive after that we'll take you out for drinks at the end of your shift- see if the newbie's got any secrets."

"That sounds ominous," he muttered before pushing the ultrasound over Kayla's side once Jorja had applied gel, "alright Kayla just try and relax."

"I want my mom!"

"I know kiddo but I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

There was a blast of wind and the door of the trauma room swung open as a mass of blonde hair flew in, disappearing rapidly into a knot being tied by the most _gorgeous_ woman he had ever seen. "Talk to me," she said sharply.

"From the car accident, possible internal bleeding," he began, putting the ultrasound to one side and wiping away the gel.

She turned to look at him, green eyes briefly flicking up and down, "you are?"

"Lucas Scott." He returned the favour, surveying her quickly and _damn_ she made green scrubs his new favourite thing.

"And?"

"And I start here today, I'm the new-"

"I know who you are," she said suddenly, "what I want to know is why you're in a trauma with my patient when you're not officially signed in as a doctor for this hospital. This girl is my responsibility."

"Yes but I came in with her and gave her the first assessment; I'll be scrubbing in if that's what's necessary."

"I'll be deciding what's necessary Doctor Scott, thank you," she began to push the gurney out into the hall, barking at one of the timid looking interns behind her, "Crawford I want a blood gas and x-rays before we go in."

Lucas followed her up the corridor crossly, "look with all due respect-"

"You can say whatever you want with all the respect you got but that won't change anything here doctor; you are _not_ officially a member of this hospital and that makes you liable."

"I don't give a damn about being liable! I told that little girl I'd stay with her."

"You can see her afterwards," she snapped, disappearing into the elevator.

Well shit. This place was... different.

* * *

He took the stairs to the Chief's office, taking in the nurse's desk, several wards and the floor with the operating theatres on through the glass panels on the doors as he jogged up them two at a time.

"Doctor Scott!" Jack greeted him with a wide smile, holding out a hand to shake Lucas's own, "how was your flight?"

"Great thank you sir," he said quietly, blue eyes once again assessing the new room; light, airy, lots of files and books on one wall, a wide desk with masses of papers and one large photo frame with what had to be his family, hot wife, cute kid.

"I hear you've already been getting involved downstairs?"

"Yes I uh- apologise for that, I was just helping out, I had no idea there would be lawsuits immediately looming."

Jack shook his head and gave him a quick smile; one that told Lucas he was stressed, but not pissed. "Look you're new, there are gonna be some learning curves you're gonna have to adjust to but I have faith in you Lucas- my dad always speaks very highly of you."

"Thank you sir, is the General well?"

"He's good yeah thanks." Jack pulled a drawer open and dropped a thick wad of paper on the desk, "your contract- you just need to sign the bottom page, date, etc. Just give me one second-" he moved and swung the door open, "Bevin?"

A tiny blonde bounced into the room clutching a clipboard, "hey boss, you need me to stamp the contract?"

"We were just signing it, Doctor Scott this is my trusted assistant, the woman who basically runs the place, Bevin Mirskey, Bevin this is our newest attending Doctor Lucas Scott."

"Hi there," she said cheerily and he was about to reply when she turned back to Jack, "Chief you have a nine thirty appointment and I don't want to rush you but you know Anspaugh hates it when anyone keeps him waiting."

Jack exhaled, rolling his eyes before looking at Lucas, "Lucas I apologise, our board are meeting this morning to discuss the new AHA guidelines and how it's going to affect patient care- you happy to stick around for the rest of the day, get a feel for the place, or do you need to crash?"

"No I'm great to stay, thank you, I slept on the plane." He bent down and signed the contract, ignoring the many feelings swarming to the surface as he watched the ink dry on the page. He sincerely hoped this was the right thing to be doing.

"That's great- I hope you feel right at home here Lucas, and personally, I'm glad to have you aboard." Jack was pulling on a suit jacket and straightening his own tie and his smile was wider as he headed to shake Lucas's hand again, "I'm sure I'll see you on the floor at some point this evening. Bevin, would you mind setting Doctor Scott up?"

"Of course Chief, now go!"

Jack held up his hands and disappeared out of the door chuckling. Bevin turned to look at Lucas appraisingly, "you have anything you need me to sort for you, allergies to latex gloves, parking spots?"

"Er no I don't think so."

"Great," she smiled brightly at him, "that makes you my easiest task of the day. So, here's your ID badge, your coat- unless you have your own?" He shook his head and she continued, "your combination codes for the copiers, entry to records, labs, the attending's lounge- oh and don't lose that code! I swear I have to replace Doctor Keller's like every week and it is _not_ fun! Your schedule will be posted on the board just like everybody else's, rounds are at eight, your first shift will end on Thursday at twelve hundred hours sharp. Is there anything else you need to know?"

_Oh god they talked fast in this place._

"I think I'm good thanks, but uh," he raised an eyebrow at her, smiling faintly, "maybe I could use some sort of private tour?"

"You'll learn faster if you find your own way around," she said sweetly before dancing back out of the door.

He resisted checking his face in the mirror for stray blood stains because _what had just happened_?

This place was _crazy_. It had crazy chicks who yelled at him and ignored his obvious flirting. It was _stupid_. He didn't _fit _here.

* * *

He wandered down to the main surgical floor, thinking about the kind of massive decision he'd just made. It wasn't that he wasn't glad to be home because in a way, he was. Hell any kind of excuse to drive Nate crazy (and just being in the same city as his brother seemed to make Nathan break out in hives so, win there) and it was kind of nice being in an elevator that played music and didn't smell of dog piss but... His life with the army had been the only one he'd had for more than a decade. Home was the corner of a van with JB and Watson yelling at each other about who was in charge of the crappy radio and barely any room to stretch his legs. The reason he'd gone a little bit (ok a lot) out of control every time he'd been Stateside was because he literally didn't know what else to do with himself. And now he had to acclimatise, _fast_, and- oh- hot brunette making her way over.

"Hey there."

She dimpled at him, holding out her hand, "you the new attending?"

"_Yes_ I am, Lucas Scott, nice to meet you, and you are?"

"Brooke, wash your hands if you touch him!" He scowled and looked up at the ceiling, _come on_, he could have at least had an hour before Satan herself appeared. Brooke darted a look over his shoulder, pulled an apologetic face and then skirted away towards the nurse's desk.

Lucas rounded on the red head marching towards him, "hello darling sister in law, always a pleasure."

Rachel held up both her hands as she approached, "don't touch me, I just showered."

"Bitch."

"Many words back to you that I can't be bothered to waste my breath on," she glanced at his badge, "that's a beautiful shot of you."

"It's old," he said crossly, covering it with his hand, "and aren't you supposed to be rolling out the welcome wagon with banners saying _we missed you_ and _welcome home? N_ot_ quick, run, the bitch is coming, save yourselves_!"

Rachel rolled her eyes, "they sold out of those on my last birthday."

"When you turned how old?"

She turned away, "_always_ a pleasure Lucas."

He laughed and caught her arm, "now come on Rachel, aren't you a little glad to see me?"

"I am... glad you're alive. Whether _you_ will still feel that way by the end of the week remains to be seen." She began to walk, gesturing for him to follow, "unfortunately for the both of us, Nathan has a case this morning which means that I seem to have been lumbered with directing you around this place. The rules you need to know; number one don't sleep with anyone that can get you fired because seriously, Jack will fire you and although he works the going grey look he really doesn't need more stress lines around his eyes and Bevin will hunt you down; number two if you get paged to the ER you go, you do not pause to finish your coffee, you do not stop to use the bathroom, you just go; number three-"

"Hey Rach?"

"I prefer that we not use nicknames Lucas, it makes us sound like we're friends."

"Right, and that would be totally terrible?"

"Bathroom Lucas, you destroyed my _brand._ _new._ _bathroom_- do you have any idea the kind of planning that goes into creating something that beautiful?"

"Can't you hire someone to do it all for you?"

"Yes, but the funny thing is that they require your time to ask for your opinions and as you will quickly learn, no-one who works here has any time at all. It took months for me to have enough meetings to decide on a colour scheme. _Months._"

He winced, "sorry about that then."

"I'm over it."

"Then-"

"Attending's lounge," she interrupted, pushing her own code in before using her foot to open the door, "ladies and gentlemen our new attending Lucas Scott!"

_He'd caught about half of all that. Should he have written the bit about bathroom colour schemes down? Why was Rachel even more crazy at work than she was at home?_

He took in a handful of faces quickly and then paused on the girl in the corner, hunched up over a tome of a textbook with her iPod in and blonde hair falling all over the place. Damn she really was just _beautiful_. She looked massively different from the all powerful, but still _smoking hot_, surgeon that had flown into the trauma room this morning.

She looked _vulnerable_.

"You aren't allowed to be rude or to hit on my best friend Lucas and I swear to god if you do I will personally castrate you and Nathan can argue it was just on the stand-" before he had the chance to protest Rachel was yelling across the room, "_Sawyer_!"

The girl in the corner looked up and her eyes met his with something he couldn't quite read in them. _Damn_. That threw him completely; the one thing he was good at besides stitching was getting a feel for what people were thinking, what they were about to say or do and dude, this girl was just impossible to figure out. She made her way over easily and he watched her walk; she looked even better in a black pencil skirt and a dark green satin blouse, a loose matching tie around her neck.

He was going _kill _Nathan for not introducing them sooner.

"Peyton this is my brother-in-law, don't shake his hand you don't know where he's been, Lucas this is the only person I give a damn about in the world bar your brother, be nice."

"We've already met," Peyton said, a flash of amusement in her eyes.

"We have," he agreed, "how's the girl you took up, she live?"

"Yes, Kayla's in recovery," she said quietly, "so you're official now?"

"Yep, got a badge and everything." They stood silently for a second, staring at one another and he reached up to scratch the back of his neck, "hey look, I didn't mean to tread on your toes this morning or anything-"

"It's fine," she cut in, "you didn't know."

"Well, no, but I mean, I've been in traumas before- a hell of a lot of them actually."

She looked awkward suddenly, and then annoyed, like she didn't like feeling awkward, "I know _that_, I mean, Nathan's told me about your career."

"I'm sure Rachel has given you a very colourful version."

"No, of course not! They don't really talk about you- _it_- at all." She winced suddenly, like she wished she hadn't said that but she couldn't control the brain to mouth filter and then scowled, "I'm sure you've very competent."

"I am," he said smirking- normally this was where he got a hand on his arm or a suggestive comment; instead he was met with two sets of stony gazes and he swallowed, "uh-"

"Newbie!" Chris appeared throwing an arm over his shoulder, "you need a pair of thermals over here? Ice Queen one and two making you feel right at home?"

"Shut up Chris," both girls said simultaneously.

Chris beamed, "always a total _joy_ to see you both. So kid, how was your morning?"

"Well, first I got my ass handed to me by Doctor Sawyer here- because I was involved in a trauma without having signed my contract but apart from that-"

"I didn't hand you your ass," she interrupted suddenly, "I mean, it had nothing to do with your ass! I was looking out for my patient!"

"I promised her I wouldn't leave- her mom _died_ at the scene," he retorted quickly, somehow unable to let the whole thing go. She kind of looked hot riled up anyway. Behind him Rachel was making abort signals and running a finger across her neck. He ignored her.

"I didn't know that!"

"You didn't give me a chance to tell you."

"Trauma's are fast paced Doctor Scott," she said cooly, "I thought you _knew _that."

"You should have let me stay with the girl."

She seemed to straighten up suddenly, her eyes narrowing; he would have ducked in other circumstances, she looked _fierce_. "I shouldn't _have_ to do anything, I'm not your _subordinate_ and with a paeds case I'm actually your superior so in future, don't tell me how to run my traumas _Doctor_," she snapped before stalking away and out of the room.

He watched her go, confused as to what the hell had just happened when Rachel snapped her fingers in his face, "oh you are _dead_."

Behind her Keller was shaking his head consolingly.

"What did _I_ do?"

"_You_ know."

He sighed; he really wanted to go home.


	3. All Shook Up

**Disclaimer: i would like to own some sort of motivation mentor in the shape of Alexander Skarsgard. i would like to own a laptop that doesn't take an hour to load a word document. i would like to own the brain of the guy who writes White Collar. BUT I DON'T. I OWN NOTHING.**

Peyton's dream was currently featuring herself on the arm of a very handsome stranger, at a very nice hotel she'd been to once for a Plomox conference, swanning around in black satin, with something _awesome_ in her glass, dancing to the sounds of her pager beeping- wait what? She sat straight up, almost bashing her head on the bunk above and blinked around in the darkness. The clock in the on-call room showed four thirty am, she groaned, she'd been asleep for _two and a half hours_. Blindly she reached for her pager, scowling at whoever it was and- oh_ christ_.

She yanked on her shoes and leapt from the room, taking the stairs two at a time. Her hair went back into a ponytail and in seconds she was wide awake again. She raced through the sliding doors of the paeds unit, following the shouts coming from room twelve eighteen. Inside a nurse was trying to stem bleeding whilst one of her damn foolish interns was babbling nonsense.

"What the hell happened?"

"Dr Lively's central line was inserted incorrectly-"

Peyton widened her eyes incredulously, "you attempted a central line without supervision?"

"I-"

"Save it," she said shortly, stepping in as one of the nurses passed her gloves. "God this is exactly why I didn't want interns," she muttered as her fingers flew across the patients collar bone, "it's like having children but without the satisfaction of eventually feeling some sort of pride in them-"

"I'm sorry, I'm so-"

"Be quiet!" She continued ranting as she worked, "and occasionally you're actually _fond_ of your children, there's mutual affection once in a while, some damn _respect_!"

"Heart rates coming back up Doctor Sawyer- pulse is steady."

She straightened up and took a moment to check on the patient Carrie- who fortunately seemed to have slept through the disaster- before nodding at the nurses and turning to leave. She gestured for Lively to follow her outside.

The faint beeping from the monitors faded as Peyton stalked down the corridor, ripping off her gloves as she did so. _Unbelievable_. Un-_freaking_-believable.

"You had absolutely no right to perform that kind of procedure without my presence," she snapped to the left as Lively tried to keep up.

The younger doctor looked sheet white and shocked, blood staining her scrubs and hands, "I'm sorry, I- god I thought I could manage."

Peyton shook her head, her eyes flashing with anger as she glanced at her, "that's your problem, you _don't_ think. You seem to be under the impression that paeds is like a free ride where everything's rainbows and sunshine and it damn well isn't. If you make a mistake these kids plummet in half the time an adult would and you barely had time to page me before she was crashing."

"I'm sorry-" Lively began again but Peyton wasn't finished.

"In this unit I don't just say my word is law because I like the power trip, I say it so you don't make foolish mistakes and risk patient's lives. You might have had recommendations from the likes of Saltzman and Stackhouse but you are not prepared to deal with _children_ by yourself. Just what gave you the idea you could go in there and attempt to kill my patient in the first place?"

"Dr Scott said I-"

"_What_?" She stopped walking, slowly turning to face Dr Lively, "Doctor Scott?"

"Yes he-"

"Doctor Scott said _what_ exactly?"

Still looking apologetic Dr Lively merely chewed on her bottom lip and failed to say anything. Peyton put a hand on her hip, "use. your. _words_. Doctor."

"He said there wouldn't be a problem with me being able to do a few simple procedures tonight while he was on call."

Peyton narrowed her eyes, "he's on call tonight?"

"Yes... Look please Doctor Sawyer I really thought I could handle it-"

"Doctor Lively," she held up a hand, "enough, please. You are not to do _anything_ else tonight, go home, be back for rounds at eight sharp and I will deal with you then." She began to turn away when she caught Lively start to well up, _oh god_, she rolled her eyes inwardly and turned back.

Shit.

She hesitated; what were you supposed to say when an intern cried? If it was Rachel she'd buy tequila, Nathan she'd mock mercilessly and well, anybody else she'd run away screaming. Awkwardly she shifted on her feet, did she pat her on the arm? On the head?

She sighed, "get some sleep Doctor, you can begin again tomorrow."

The young intern stared up at her and Peyton gave her a brief smile, _brief_ ok? Before nodding and turning away, there was after all, a limit to how nice she could be when she was pissed.

And she _was_ pissed.

Just who the hell did this guy think he was sailing in and giving her interns ideas above their capabilities? Pushing them before they were ready- hell Peyton had learnt the hard way never to apply pressure before you could handle it- and Lucas was unbelievable thinking he could instruct her interns. This wasn't the army; when there was time for them to learn first, you _waited_ for god's sake.

She slammed back the second on-call room door and flipped the light. Lucas sat bolt upright, swearing and flailing about in the sheets.

"What the fuck?"

"I certainly hope that's not how you reacted with roll call overseas Doctor Scott, very inefficient of you."

Lucas rubbed his eyes and scowled up at her, "what are you doing in here?"

"Never mind what I'm doing, just what the _hell_ do you think _you're_ doing giving my interns false belief in their own abilities?"

"Oh god, is this about me telling Lively she could do a central line? Did I need to clear something like that with you? I was right down the hall- if she'd had a problem she could have come and got me."

"But she _didn't_! She failed to lead the guide into the correct place, let my patient lose massive amounts of blood and then paged _me_- the doctor she should have been in there with in the first place!"

Lucas sighed; burying a sleepy head in his hands and no part of her thought he looked adorable.

At all.

"I apologise," he said, slightly hoarsely, "I was under the impression she was more capable than she obviously was."

"You had no right to tell her anything or to be under _any_ impression Doctor Scott- she is _my_ intern. This isn't a joke, you can't run around like you own this place or thinking you have any authority- these are patients' _lives_ and you put one of mine at risk today."

Lucas stood up suddenly, narrowly avoiding bashing his head on the bunk frame as he straightened to his full height. He didn't tower over her but he definitely had an advantage as he leant towards her, "I had no idea your intern was incapable of handling something as simple as a central line _Doctor_ Sawyer. I would suggest that becomes something _you_ rectify immediately."

Did he just say that to her? Seriously?

"-And thank you but I am well aware of how serious this is; I do work here as well."

She scoffed, turning on the spot towards the door, "you've worked here less than two weeks, you have no right to sign off on anything for any one of my patients."

"Hey," he caught her arm, suddenly _seriously_ close, "believe it or not but I _do _have the same qualifications as you and correction but if I wanted to I could write off on any one of your case files- just as you could write off on one of mine." He leant even closer and she felt her breath hitch as she met his eyes, "I've been saving lives for just as long as you, maybe even longer and yet I have no problem working in this hospital with you. What _you_ need to figure out is why the hell you have such a problem with _me_."

She yanked her arm away, "I don't have a problem with you; just stay away from my interns and my patients."

Lucas sighed and leant against the bunk, ruffling his hair, "you got a real issue with trust, you know that?"

"No," she said shortly, "I just trust people who don't have cavalier attitudes when it comes to patient care."

"I don't!" He yelled after her as she shot out of the door.

Double shit.

She hadn't meant to lose her cool like that with him. The plan had been to go in and simply tell him in no uncertain terms was he to encourage interns to perform solo procedures but no; she'd had to go in and screech at him. Fuck, he probably thought she was some kind of neurotic psychopath.

Well, she shrugged to herself; it wasn't like she cared anyway. The guy was rude and inconsiderate and he had dared to claim she had an issue with trust? Which was just not true! He should just ask Rachel. Maybe. On second thoughts Rachel might stick a fork in his eye if he dared to ask her something personal, or speak to her at all even.

She was a good friend.

Ugh and she was still thinking about him and the fact he apparently slept in a battered grey wife beater and scrubs and damn if it hadn't looked half bad. She dropped back into her own bunk, cursing her brain for not immediately dismissing him and rolled onto her side. If she was lucky she might get back to that dream. She felt herself dozing, blue eyes swimming to the front of her mind, beautiful lean arms, dirty blonde bed hair, oh _fuck._ She sighed and punched her pillow.

"I hate that man," she muttered.

* * *

"You're right," Peyton slammed her tray down on the cafeteria table, "I don't like him."

Rachel beamed and cleared some of her papers, "join the club honey, I have tee shirts. _Seriously_."

"He's disregarded two sets of my orders this morning alone; who the hell does he think he is?"

"He thinks he's a badass Elvis."

"Elvis had stupid hair," Peyton grumbled and then perked up, "you know, he _does_ kind of have stupid hair."

"Oooh who's hair are we talking about?" Chris dropped his tray next to Peyton's and sat down to look at them both expectantly.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "don't you have surgery in ten minutes?"

"Yes but this is more important." She shoved at his arm and he laughed, "no, it's been pushed back on account of your new favourite doctor's exploratory laparotomy."

Peyton scowled again, "he is _not_ our favourite new doctor. He's always there, changing my orders, thinking he can tell my stupid interns what to do-"

"I thought you didn't even want interns."

"That's not the point! Just because I didn't want them, doesn't mean I can shun responsibility for their actions now I have them!"

"Sounds like he's really getting to you."

"He is _not_! He's just _around_ all the time!"

"Somebody wants your attention," Chris murmured in a sing song voice

"Shut up Chris!" Both Peyton and Rachel said at the same time.

He scowled, "it's so annoying when you two do that; makes me feel like you're in my head."

"Even if we _were_ in your head, we still wouldn't sleep with you," Rachel said firmly.

"Pfft whatever Rach, I've seen the way you look at me when Nate's not around-"

Rachel grabbed his wrist, "don't even finish that sentence Keller."

"Feisty," he said smirking, "I knew under all that loathing you just wanted to touch me."

She let go of him quickly, "ugh that made me vomit a little in my mouth."

"Can we get back to the point?" Peyton interrupted, pouting as she did so, "what the hell am I going to do about the new guy? He's going to give me a coronary! And where the hell did all the croissants go?"

"You shouldn't eat those anyway," Chris said, pointing his knife at her warningly. "If you fed _your_ hips enough carbs..."

"Oh fuck off Keller," she snapped, rubbing at her temples.

Chris rolled his eyes, "you're so _tense_ blondie, you know what you need?"

"Nothing," she said immediately, "I need nothing from you. No massages, no foot rubs, no magic fingers, now unless you have coffee I find your presence at this table unnecessary."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

They both glowered at one another stonily before Chris sat back with his eyebrows raised, "wow normally you are _icy_ but today temperatures aren't even close to thawing princess. What kind of bee you got in your bonnet?"

Rachel pushed a coffee forward, dropping in cream and stirring at the same time, before nudging it against Peyton's hand. "She just needs caffeine Chris; she'll be more than peppy in ten minutes."

Chris snorted, "she'd need a pint of that crap to get her even looking like she might smile."

"Hey guys," Brooke sat down in the seat next to Peyton, preventing her from threatening Keller with further bodily harm and blowing her fringe out of the way- revealing a bruise under her right eye.

"Brooke!" Peyton leant forward, "what happened to your face?"

"Oh," she rolled her eyes, "a patient got me good in the face- she _really _didn't want her bath."

She really was one of the sunniest people Peyton had ever met. No matter what the crisis, however big the catastrophe, Brooke was always there with her soothing tones and her caring hands. She sat with patients, read to them, made them laugh and basically became everybody's favourite nurse in ten seconds flat. When they'd first met Peyton had been convinced she would loathe her just on principle (cheery people and Peyton? _Really_? No.) But Brooke had won her over. She was an excellent nurse and underneath the dimples was a strong will and intellect. She knew exactly how to deal with _everyone_; including a cranky Peyton.

Chris took a sip of Brooke's chocolate milkshake and she rolled her eyes, "why don't you just get your own?"

"I don't want a whole one," he said plaintively, "I just want some of yours."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "that's like saying you don't want desert and then eating all of your date's strawberry mousse."

Chris blinked, "yeah, so?"

"So it's cheating! Not to mention unfair- order your own!"

"I'm helping you avoid unecessary calories."

"You're such a kind hearted person."

Peyton sniggered, "truly Chris, so selfless."

"Oh shut up you both love me."

Lunch time was kind of the only time all of them had to be socialable and sit down together. For years Peyton had avoided the cafeteria like the plague but now she kind of liked the mad flow of conversation.

On days when she wasn't in a foul mood about stupid blue eyed doctors.

"Anyone know why there aren't any croissants today?" Jake Jagelski, thirty three, gorgeous, charming, general surgeon and Peyton's all round favourite male doctor (partly because he didn't hit on her, partly because come on, the guy was just so darn cute) sat down looking disheartened. His puppy dog eyes widened as he glanced at Brooke and he almost jumped out of his seat, "Brooke, what-"

She waved a hand, "I'm fine."

He ignored the nonchalant dismissal and caught her face carefully, "did you walk into another door?"

"No," she pouted, "and that wasn't my fault- you distracted me!"

"I told you to face the way you were walking! You were the one who chose to ignore me!"

Gently he pressed down on her cheekbone and she winced, "ouch Jake!"

"Sorry," he let go hastily, still staring at her with concern, "you gotta be more careful!"

By the way, had Peyton mentioned Jake was completely head over heels in love with Brooke?

Because _duh._

"Hey! A patient kicked me- how am I supposed to see that coming?"

"The giant foot sailing your way?" Chris suggested, receiving drop dead stares from everyone at the table. He shrugged, "makes sense to me."

Jake shook his head and shot another reprimanding look Brooke's way, "couldn't you have gotten someone else to hold her down?"

"She's six Jake; I didn't think I was going to have a problem!"

"Was that Carrie?" Peyton interrupted, suddenly worried, "has she been restless?"

Brooke shook her head, "she's been fine- just her usual self." Their eyes met and Peyton nodded with relief, Brooke confirming that everything was fine after last night's fuck up meant that she didn't have to yell at Lucas again. This meant she didn't have to see him again and-

"Anyone mind if I sit here?" Man was he stalking her thoughts or something?

"We mind-" Rachel said at almost exactly the same time as Brooke, Chris and Jake chorused, "no."

"You're over-ruled," Brooke said sternly to the red head who stuck her tongue out and lifted the journal she was reading up above her eyes.

Lucas smirked as Brooke pulled an apologetic face, "it's ok, I can get some quality sister-in-law time later."

"Quit telling people we're related," Rachel hissed. "They might accidently assume I'm happy about it!"

"Rachel!" Brooke shot her another warning look before dimpling at Lucas, "you settling in ok sweetie?"

"Seem to be doing alright," he said smiling politely, "just learning the lay of the place you know?" He glanced at Peyton and she realised she'd been staring and immediately looked down at her plate, damn him!

"Not stepping on any toes then"? Chris asked wickedly. "No-one we know got it in for you? No mean-"

Peyton tried to kick him under the table and Jake let out a yelp, "Peyton!"

"Sorry," she said quickly, feeling her face flame up. When she finally lifted her eyes Lucas was still looking at her; his face had something akin to amusement written all over it. She tried to scowl, he did _not_ get to laugh at her, but she found herself just staring back at him and eventually gave up.

The thing was; she really loved her job. She was fourteen when she decided she wanted to become a doctor. She'd spent six years in a life with no options, a whole lot of people putting her down and trying to break her up inside and she'd known she wanted to be someone powerful who could help other people just like her. President was a bit of a push, especially as she didn't like the idea of having to be associated with any political party; Queen of England was taken; and she couldn't act or sing and so a doctor had just seemed like the next best thing. People _listened_ to doctors, they sat up and took note and never tried to mess with them. A doctor's word was law and nobody could argue with it.

She was _not_ a power hungry person and she didn't have hidden ambitions to be the next Chief of Surgery- way too much paper work- and frankly she liked having Jack run the show, he was an excellent surgeon and not so bad on the eyes. So she wasn't secretly envisioning herself as the one who gave all the uplifting speeches (god save them all if she ever had to do that) and she didn't want to meet a lot of board members and shake hands and smile pretty for a million cameras; Jack was better at that than her. But she did appreciate that with her position; people _respected _her. She had grown used to people working _with_ her, helping her, _agreeing_ with her or else having a damn good argument for why they disagreed.

And _Lucas_. Damn it he just rolled right on in here and for some reason he didn't listen to a word she said. He took it for granted she'd agree with what _he_ thought was best and that just wasn't how things went down around here. She would not be able to stand someone belittling her and chipping away at the authority and respect she'd fought so hard for. She needed it.

She didn't have anything else.

"Sawyer?" Chris was clicking his fingers in her face and she swatted him away, annoyed.

"What?"

"You just looked really depressed for a second there babe."

She opened her mouth to respond that it was none of his business _how_ she looked when she noticed the genuine concern in his eyes and glanced to Rachel who was also frowning. Ok, she was _not_ having a damn heart to heart in the cafeteria; Rachel had been reading her mind since they were twelve so hopefully she'd figure it out and Chris most definitely didn't need to hear all about the secret paranoia and issues with self esteem she constantly battled with in her head.

"I'm fine," she said quickly, brushing her hair away from her face. She felt hot and bothered and _ruffled_, which was completely unlike her. She really wasn't fond of the feeling.

Brooke and Jake were still arguing about her inability to spot large objects right in front of her, Chris went back to eating and Rachel shot her a _this isn't over _look before returning to her journal. Peyton stared at her hands for a moment before she finally ventured another look up and damn it if Lucas wasn't looking right at her again. It was like those startling blue eyes were trying to see right through her and she didn't know what to do with that kind of intensity.

"Peyton?"

The table's conversation died.

Julian Baker. Oh _fuck_, just what she needed when she was having some kind of weird stare off with the new guy.

She looked up, wincing as she did so, "hey Julian."

"Hi," he smiled faintly at her and then at the table at large. Rachel stared up at him stonily and he waved a hand, "oh goody, your best friend is happy to see me."

"Don't you neurosurgeon's have your own _special _lounge with your own special vending machines?" Rachel said coldly.

"Yeah but no where's as fun as here right?"

Chris snickered and lifted his orange juice to him, "you got that right kid."

Julian's eyes flickered around the table and landed on Lucas, "hi, you're the new guy in from the Middle East I hear?"

"Yep, Lucas Scott," Lucas stood to shake his hand and for a moment they looked like they were having some sort of stand off before he let go and sat down again.

"Pleasure. Peyton," he said again and she jumped, she'd been trying to pretend she wasn't there.

"Yeah?"

"You got a minute?"

_No_. No she didn't have a minute. Or a second. Or any time at all for him.

She sighed, "ok- now?"

"Yes, if that's _acceptable_," he said drily.

She flashed him a dirty look and he shrugged, his trademark grin sliding back into place, "nice meeting you," he said without even looking at Lucas.

"Likewise," Lucas said quietly. She glanced at the blonde who was staring grimly at Julian and his gaze moved to meet hers. For a moment she forgot to breathe and then Julian was clearing his throat and moving away and she had no choice than to get up and follow.

She most _definitely_ did not look back, wishing she could stay and stare some more at the man who had apparently made it his new aim in life to drive her absolutely crazy instead of following Julian out of the cafeteria.


	4. Living With Ghosts

**AN: this actually turned out a lil bit more angsty than it was going to be but there it is. As ever if you like it or don't like it, do review pleease! It helps the muse which has been struggling lately- stupid August being an inbetweeny month and not giving me a routine!**

So Peyton and Julian definitely had a history. Lucas didn't even need to be told; he could see it written on the faces of everyone he was sitting with. Brooke and Jake had gone very quiet, Chris looked annoyed and Rachel, fuck Rachel looked _murderous_. Before she could turn her rage on him he slipped up from his chair and waved a hand, "thanks for letting me crash your lunch table guys."

Brooke brightened, "oh no problem Lucas, can we call you Lucas?"

He laughed, "yeah of course."

"So maybe we'll see you again tomorrow?"

"If you'll have me..."

"Absolutely!"

Chris winked and shrugged, "guess you're not too bad for company Scott."

He tried not to fist pump in front of his sister-in-law. Hell _YES._ He was going to be having lunch with Dr. Sawyer every day for as long as possible.

Rachel rolled her eyes like she was reading his thoughts, "never going to happen," she mouthed.

Well, she could shut up.

He mouthed back as much and she smirked, shaking her head and forming a discreet L with her finger and thumb before picking up a chart and going back to ignoring him.

"Yeah man, take it easy," Jake smiled widely at him. Lucas tried to see if there was some underlying _back off_ warning he wasn't getting but came up with nothing; looked like the guy really was just _nice_. Guess Jake and Nathan were the last of their species left in town.

He spent the afternoon writing up post op notes and trying not to get distracted by his curiosity over Doctor Sawyer and that jerk Julian Baker. If Jake was the good guy of the hospital, Julian was definitely the jackass. He hadn't even _looked _at Lucas when addressing him, barely shaken his hand and the dismissive way he'd spoken to Peyton; it made him want to punch the guy. Even though he knew Chris took joy in teasing the hell out of her, there was still deep respect- whether Peyton could see it or not. And yeah ok, Lucas kind of liked the way her eyes flashed when she got annoyed at him but still, the way Baker had spoken to her, that was different.

There wasn't respect there. There was something that reminded Lucas of the way he used to act when he ran into a one night stand still using his shower (Rachel's shower) or drinking juice in the kitchen (Rachel's juice). And he was the first to admit he wasn't a particularly friendly guy to them; hey he'd never pretended to be in the first place but damn if you didn't show someone like Peyton Sawyer a little respect. He'd done his research, he knew her specialties, her skills, he knew she was good. Better than good.

He just didn't know anything about what was under all the medical layers. He wanted under her _skin _and that might take a while. But he could be patient when there was need for it. And he knew she'd be worth the wait.

At five he jogged up the only set of stairs leading to the roof and nudged open the fire exit. He strolled across the gravel, tipping his fingers against the old pack of Camels he was carrying and came to a halt when he spotted the very doctor who had been occupying his mind all afternoon. She obviously hadn't heard him arrive and he took a moment to study her from afar, undisturbed. Her golden hair flew out in all directions as she leant forward, her legs swinging over the edge of the building. She had a tiny smile on her face and once again he was struck by how young and untroubled she looked when no-one else could see her. A bird startled as he approached and she whipped around, the placid expression vanishing and becoming guarded and cross. Shit, he'd disturbed her quiet time; this was _so _not about to end well.

He offered her a crooked smile, "didn't realise this was a popular spot."

She almost smiled, tugging her hair back into a ponytail and standing at the same time, "it's not; that's why I like it."

He held up his hands, _of course_.

Her eyes flickered to the cigarette packet and then back to him, "smoking is an intolerable habit."

"I don't smoke," he said shortly, slipping the packed back into his pocket.

She raised her eyebrows, "what so you just carry cigarettes around to look like you've got a hobby?"

He snorted, leaning back on the railing, "nope."

"So..."

"Everyone's got a story," he shrugged, "same way you always push your hair back when you want to be taken seriously but you prefer it loose, same as Rachel's basically mama bear around here; makes you guys all eat right and pesters you about sleeping-" she looked at him in surprise and he grinned suddenly, "I can hear her nagging you with her eyes from across the room. Like I said, this place, everyone's got a story; Jake's obviously been pining after dimples for quite some time, Chris wants y'all to take him seriously and that guy Julian Baker's a douche."

Peyton almost laughed and wrapped her arms tightly around herself, "guess you're pretty perceptive."

He shrugged again, "I'm good at reading people yeah."

"Then what's the story with the cigarettes?"

His chest tightened for a moment and he scrubbed a hand across his face, searching for reserves of the easy charm he always used to deflect. "Hey," he tried for nonchalant, "I never said I was telling my own story."

She scoffed, catching him by surprise, "you're just here to pick everybody else apart huh?" She lifted her own arms as she began to back towards the door, "well good for you."

Lucas shook his head, "you know I been here two weeks and you've already made your mind up about me, what's the _point_ of giving you anything else?" He closed the gap between them swiftly; she seemed to break all his rules about personal space every time he saw her and he watched her eyes darken, ready for a fight...

Or something else.

"You've got the evil sister in law telling you all kinds of crap about me in one ear and Nate complaining about how goddamn awful it was growing up with me in the other- hell you haven't even _tried_ to see if any of its bull, you've just gone with it." He leant in closer, heard her breathing change, "why shouldn't I judge you all just like you've judged me?"

She stepped away slowly, nodding slightly, "you're right."

Ok, he hadn't expected her to acquiesce quite so quickly.

"Peyton Sawyer agreeing with me for once? Alert the fucking president."

"Oh I wouldn't just yet," her eyes glittered dangerously and he sucked in a breath, jesus she really was sexy as hell when she got pissed off. "See, you haven't tried to show me you're any different either. You don't know _what_ Nathan and Rachel have told me, you're happy just to assume it's the worst and to think that's why I don't like you; blame it on someone else. I've got my own mind doctor and frankly I find it disturbing that someone over the age of twelve thinks, _oh my brother is mean to me_, is any kind of excuse to be a tool." She smiled coolly, lifting a shoulder, "but I did judge you, I must admit. You were fast to get in my way and I was fast to dismiss you and yet, you didn't even bother to try and prove my original assumption was incorrect. You turned all my genuine concerns into some ridiculous accusation about my trust issues and I'm supposed to what? Bow down and say _thank you Doctor Scott_ you've solved _all_ the problems I _ever_ had, let me drop down on my knees for you?"

Oh god.

He opened his mouth and she held up a hand, "don't even say it."

"Worth a shot," he muttered.

She rolled her eyes, scowling, "this is exactly what I'm talking about; you're not even listening to me now. You don't think you have a problem, you think it's all me and my crazy neuroses! Let's take the piss out of the blonde doctor because she must have some daddy issues in the back of her closet I can exploit and ensure she never actually calls me on any of my own faults. If I swagger around this hospital looking like I know everybody's inner most thoughts then maybe no-one will ever point out that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here."

He shrank back against the wall of the building and started, he hadn't even realised he'd been walking backwards. Somehow he'd completely lost sense of his surroundings; something he _never_ did. She stopped, inches from his face and tipped her head to one side, "I fixed my daddy issues years ago and I _don't_ have trust issues. I might be highly strung and I might be fascinating or hilarious for you to pick apart but don't for one second think I can't see right back through you just as easily Doctor Scott."

"It's _Lucas_," he said sharply, "for god's sake quit calling me Doctor Scott like this is all something impersonal to you."

"You _are_ impersonal to me."

He chuckled, trying to reassert his footing, "you wouldn't be pushing me up against walls and ranting at me if I wasn't getting under your skin."

She immediately put a foot of space between them, "I've got thicker skin than that _Lucas_ and please stop trying to prove how much you think you know about me by making assumptions and then voicing them."

"That's the first time you've asked nicely," he said, quirking an eyebrow at her.

She kinked a brow back, "I can be civil, believe me, you have to be in this place."

"Sure, like you were civil to that douche Baker earlier."

Something flickered across her face and he tried to catch it, to understand exactly what she was thinking but in a second it was gone. Damn she was slowing his reflexes.

"That's different."

"Why?"

She straightened up, almost smirking, "I guess that's a story that doesn't need telling today Doctor Scott, now if you'll excuse me, I have patients."

He couldn't help but smile and nod, "guess I'll be seeing you around."

"Try not to get too under my feet," she called over her shoulder as she made for the stairs.

"Hey," he called after her, "you and Julian-" he narrowed his eyes, trying to find the right words, "do I hate him? I mean, he's already pretty much a tool in my book for not even managing a proper hand shake but- did he hurt you?"

There was a fraction of a second where she visibly stopped moving and then her pager beeped and she began to walk again, turning briefly to shrug her shoulders up high, "why don't you use all your psychic mind reading crap on him instead, I'm sure he'd be happy to sit down and chat with you."

"Was that a _joke _Doctor Saywer?"

She waved a hand in response and he sighed, smiling and shaking his head as he slid down the wall to sit heavily. She was a complete mystery.

* * *

Twenty minutes into a quick evening nap and he was rudely awoken by Chris barging into the room, "Scott I've got three hours, an excellent image of Davis and Sawyer doing unspeakable things to me in an exam room and you've got a kid who fell down the stairs rolling in, scram!"

He groaned, "dude, doesn't anybody knock around here? Or say hello first?"

Chris chuckled, rolling onto the bunk opposite, "nope, we like to keep it dramatic."

"No kidding." Sighing he shucked on his scrub top and grabbed his watch, "anything else I need to know?"

"Nah, normally I'd be all over that kind of surgery; kid's gonna need a shit load of pins in his leg."

"Then why are you giving it to me?"

"I'm feeling kind."

He snorted, "liar."

"Alright fine, I've gotta present at MnM tomorrow and I gotta look my best." Lucas raised an eyebrow and Chris scowled, "and Baker's gonna be on my ass about the case; he's still pissed about it. Now let me get some sleep so I at least look better than him when he's dragging my dignity across the floor."

Lucas scoffed, "that guy's a tool and a half man."

"Yup," Chris rested his head on his arm, "you decided that on a wide and thorough examination of his personality though right? Not just on the fact you clearly spotted he's in there with your girl."

"She's not _my_ girl," he protested crossly, "and she'd skin you alive if she heard you say that."

The lithe doctor laughed, "I'm not afraid of blondie, she's known me way too long to actually want me dead, she'd miss me."

"I doubt that."

"Ha _ha_," Chris shrugged, "nah she loves me- and one day she's bound to admit it."

"So- her and Baker?"

"_Aw_ and I thought you said you weren't interested?"

Lucas hesitated, "I'm not, I'm just-"

"Dude you are _shit_ at fishing for information!"

"Hey! She's like the first person I've ever _not_ been able to get a read on."

"I bet that's been real fun for you," Chris smirked.

"She's just... _interesting_."

"Yeah she's just _fascinating_ but sorry man I'm fond of my balls where they are and if Sawyer found out I was giving you the dirt I'd most definitely _not_ like where they went. You got a mangled kid rolling in downstairs dude- go do something you're good at."

Lucas tried to scowl and then shook his head, "I hate you man."

"Nah you don't- come find me tomorrow after MnM and we'll go over to Reed's- you might even be lucky enough to pick me up off the floor and carry me home."

"Dude, this MnM gonna be that bad?"

"Bring a camera, it's gonna be violent."

"If it helps; I'm pulling for you."

"Yeah yeah, we'll braid each other's hair tomorrow, hit the light newbie."

Lucas waved a hand as Chris rolled over onto his front and squished his face into the pillow. Just as he made it out into the corridor his pager went giving him a two minute heads up and he moved swiftly down to the ER.

* * *

"Can someone get me more gauze?" Immediately there was a wad of gauze in his hands and Lucas grinned and continued to apply pressure. He loved the way this place worked; he had to admit that.

There was never any apologetic face turning back saying, _"we're out man, shit now what?"_

He never had to use his own tee shirts to stem blood.

Or do CPR during a sand storm.

He really couldn't think about that now though and he stepped back, whipping off his gloves, "stats?"

"Pulse is back, BP's still pretty low but he's good to be moved."

"Great, I'll meet you up in the OR."

"Lucas Scott?"

He turned, pulling off the trauma gown and dropping it in the bin, "who's asking?"

A petite woman with dark blonde hair held out her hand as he came towards her into the corridor, "Haley James, I'm with Social Services, I coordinate with the hospital over cases such as this one."

"Right- hi yeah I think I've seen your name on a couple of the kid cases I've worked on."

"Well, the hospital does pretty much own my soul," she said with a quick smile.

He laughed, "isn't that the case for all of us?"

"Probably," she handed him a file, "this is Riley Demplen, he's been in three times in the last six months. Before that it was sporadically for over two years."

Lucas nodded, scanning the file, "broken collarbone, cheekbone, jesus look at those bruises- someone's been knocking this kid around."

"Yes," Haley said quietly, "it's his aunt, parents both died in a car accident several years ago."

"Why hasn't anybody done anything?"

"We've tried, he won't admit anything to me because his aunt's the only person he has left."

"So you want me to try and talk to him before surgery?"

"If you can- otherwise I need you to be alert for anything he says afterwards." She stopped at the nurse's desk, smiling at Brooke who winked at them both before going back to her filing. "Look, Doctor Scott, this boy is vulnerable and scared to death. I've seen him every time he's been in and we've built up a rapport but he still won't talk about the injuries with me." She cleared her throat, "it's become something of a personal case."

He nodded, "sure, of course, I'll tread carefully."

"I have no doubt," she said, smiling faintly; like _maybe _she knew a few stories about him. Damn he was going to _kill_ Rachel with her own shower curtain. "I'm not trying to tell you how to handle the patient or anything; I just wanted to make sure you know the story."

"Understood," he smiled crookedly, "you're not coming up afterwards?"

"No I'll be there; I just don't want to make a scene and spook him. I'll get the nurses to keep Marie- his aunt- updated but I'd like a few minutes undisturbed once he's awake before we bring her up."

"Of course," he nodded again, "anything I can do to help this kid." He glanced back at the photographs on the top page and winced, "god he looks so small."

"He's ten in two weeks," Haley said quietly.

Brooke clucked her tongue and shook her head, "I still remember when Jay was that age, god this case makes me so sad."

Haley swallowed and Lucas watched carefully, this case _was _personal. "You want me to page you when we're finished?"

"Please," she stacked her files together neatly and then handed them to Brooke, "thanks honey. I'm gonna go make a few calls, thank you for listening Doctor Scott."

"Lucas," he said quickly.

This time her smile was wider, "and I'm Haley. See you later."

The surgery was complicated and Lucas seriously felt for the kid. Nine years old and he'd be in intensive physical therapy for months. It made his blood boil just thinking about the monster that had done this.

They rolled him upstairs and Lucas followed the bed into the room without even realising he was doing it.

He sat down beside the bed and sighed heavily, rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the tension. God he'd actually been nervous. If he'd screwed this one up, hurt this kid any more, he'd have genuinely been affected. He glanced down at the mop of dark hair covering one of the scratches Riley had received and shook his head. He'd seen a lot of painful injuries, he'd seen death and people kill each other, hell he'd had to commit his own atrocities in his time overseas but kids being hurt... It got to him.

And it made a part of him he had tightly locked up _ache_. A sharp, bright, sudden reminder that the pain was still there, just waiting to be picked at when the time was right or the self loathing was strong enough.

"Rough night?"

He blinked and looked up, "Nate, what are you doing here so late?"

Nathan shrugged from where he was leaning on the door frame, "Rach had surgery, wanted to see her."

"You're so whipped."

"Yeah," his brother grinned, "so?"

"So nothing I guess," he glanced back at Riley and then up at his brother, "you just drop by to say hello?"

"Pretty much. Got nothing else to do for a bit."

"Sweet."

"Whatever man, it's not like you checked in much for over a decade, just cos you live a lot closer and you've got eyes on my best friend doesn't mean we're suddenly gonna be living in each others pockets."

Lucas dropped his head back, "jesus does everybody think I've got the hots for Peyton or something?"

"Peyton? Who said anything about her? I was talking about Chris."

"Still got that wit going for you little brother."

"You know it." Nathan came and sat beside him, nodding at Riley, "he gonna be ok?"

"Yep- bad family history though, he's got a long way to go."

"I know," Nathan said softly, "I know the case. I've been working with Haley for a while now on ways to get him out of that house."

"Nate man, surely if you guys are all so sure it's abuse you can just take him can't you?"

"It doesn't work like that Luke; his aunt's a freaking lawyer too and kids get hurt all the time falling on playgrounds and getting in scraps- we have to get Riley to talk or get hard evidence there's actual abuse."

He snorted, "that doesn't seem right. Or fair."

"Yeah well, welcome to the real world," Nathan shook his head, briefly touching Riley's bed, "nothing's fair here."

"Thank you _mister doom and gloom_," Lucas sighed, "you got any brighter remarks you'd like to share?"

"Your hair looks like crap."

It lightened the mood and he laughed, "asshat, my hair looks fine."

Nathan squinted at him and then smirked and looked away, rubbing a hand over his chin before glancing back at him, "so you like it here huh?"

"S'alright," he said shrugging awkwardly, "about as different as you get from the field... but familiar at the same time you know?"

"Yeah I guess," Nathan chuckled, "but then you're already striking out with the female population of this place so that's gotta be a change from the norm."

"Oh ha! Where did you hear that?"

"Dude, I'm a lawyer, I _hear _everything, I _know _everything, duh."

"You mean the girls all consider you _one of them _and so think it's ok to gossip in front of you?"

Nathan scowled, "you know, I was gonna be nice-"

"Ha!"

"-but forget that."

They looked at one another for a moment and then Lucas nodded at Riley and cleared his throat, "so you ever think about it?"

Nathan was silent, rocking forward on his chair, considering, "sometimes."

"And Dan?"

His brother shrugged, "last year was pretty tough. Still didn't see it coming though, thought he was gonna outlive us all."

"Out of spite," Lucas mused quietly.

Nathan exhaled sharply, "Luke-"

"You forgave and forgot a lot quicker than I did Nate."

"Yeah, well I had my big brother to take care of me most of the time- I don't remember all of it."

"But you still can't forgive _me_?"

"It's not like that-"

"You can pretend all you want Nate but your wife's projecting all _your_ resentment onto me every time I come in a damn room."

"You just _left _Lucas- I got a _postcard_."

"I didn't know what else to say."

Nathan stood up sharply, "something more than, _Texas is shit hot and training has me fitter than Whitey ever had me_?"

"I wasn't-"

"I don't want to fight Luke! God you do everything in your power to act like this is all some massive joke, hell _I _should know, you've been doing it for as long as I can remember. So long as you never sit still for long enough you never have to think about anything but youself and what _you _want, want you can do to pretend you're someone else or like you've got a different history. But you're in _my _town now, my hospital and my _wife's_ name is Rachel."

"She doesn't like it when I call her that," he said sulkily.

Nathan rolled his eyes, "god sometimes... You two are more alike than you think man."

"We both drive you crazy you mean?"

He snorted, "yeah, most of the time. Got me going grey and everything."

"Ah, you work it Nate- you're a handsome devil; just like your brother."

"Lucky me."

Lucas stood and patted him on the shoulder, "yeah Nathan, you are lucky. Awesome job, golf with Jack- don't even deny it I can tell you two tee off together. And the people in this place, hell you're all crazy but you're a family right? And you got Rachel and, if you tell her this I'll cut your eyes out-"

"You even threaten violence like she does!"

"-_If_ you tell her I said this I'll be pissed, but she's hot man, and she freaking loves you. You got it all."

Nathan chuckled, "was that hard for you to say?"

"Little bit yeah."

Riley shifted and Lucas glanced over at the monitors- everything was routine- he looked back at his brother and shook his head, "I know I screwed some stuff up Nate."

"Yeah? You could have fooled me."

"You can't even let me get through an apology!"

"Was it going to be a sincere one?"

He let out a laugh, feeling the adrenaline from their earlier argument slowly slipping away in relief, "probably not. Not now anyway."

"Well save it for Rach's birthday or something- she can gloat."

"I doubt I'll be invited."

"Well, maybe Sawyer will have decided she likes you by then; get you a special invite."

He punched Nathan's side, "you suck."

"Yeah but I'm right about that crush, look at you going all pink!"

They fell into the corridor jostling one another and laughing. Lucas wasn't sure he could remember the last time they'd even hugged, let alone done anything carefree together. It felt good.

Now if he could just convince Peyton not to shoot fire at him every time they were in the same room he could call this week a good one.


	5. More Than Twenty Parts To A Heart

**Disclaimer: insert something witty about not owning here, because i don't.**

"God this is more painful than watching Nate do karaoke," Rachel groaned, squirming in her seat.

Peyton snorted, jotting down another note, "I dunno, I thought your performance of _Oops I Did It Again_ was pretty tragic as well."

"Shut up, I _rocked_ that."

"Yeeeah... You weren't sitting where I was."

"You shush now, "Rachel covered her eyes as Chris coughed nervously and shuffled his notes, "I'm not sure I can watch."

"It's ironic," Peyton mused, "normally it's us trying to cause Chris pain."

"I know but we mean it in a _kind _and a _fun_ way."

"We do?"

Rachel elbowed her, "don't be surly Maverick; you know deep down you appreciate Chris."

"Well, if he's still alive after this maybe I'll consider telling him."

"_God_, Julian is tearing him to shreds."

"Jackass," Peyton said darkly. She didn't often bother to even express her opinion about the afore-mentioned doctor- she avoided him as much as possible generally- but she really didn't like it when he took one of her own down. And yes, ok, she was admitting Chris was maybe, kind of, one of her own- she'd known him nearly ten years- she was allowed to admit she was fond of him. To herself. Secretly.

And damn Julian was being a douche to him.

He'd pretty much always been a world class jackass, she'd known it then but she'd ignored it. And it had burned her, made her wary of other nonchalant, jackass types who thought they knew everything and she'd not crossed the line with any other doctor since.

Up on the stage Chris was clearing his throat once again and the notes he'd been shuffling slipped and fell to the floor, "that would be a uh- question for the ER doctor on call that night- Doctor Torres." He bent down to pick them up, his face flaming red.

"But she's not here right not," Julian pushed his point for the third time in as many minutes, "why was the decision to withhold surgery for over three hours made once you'd received the initial diagnosis?"

"You know why," Chris said irritably, "we've been over this."

"You managed to avoid answering the question actually; something you've gotten good at over the years-"

"Doctors," Jack interrupted, shooting Julian a warning glance, "this is not personal; please stick to the case Doctor Baker."

Julian grinned, holding up his hands, "hey I was just making a point."

"You've done as much," Jack said, raising an eyebrow, "let's move on shall we?"

Chris looked like he was about a second away from being sick and glanced out into the audience nervously, "questions?"

Immediately rows of hands went up and he swallowed in a very cartoon like fashion, "where to start?" He joked feebly. "Yeah, Doctor Lewis?"

Peyton zoned out while Chris was relatively safe from Baker's wrath. She skimmed over the audience from her seat; MnM was about the only time pretty much every member of the surgical floor came together and she'd forgotten there were so many of them. In the corner Dr Cabot was making notes furiously and didn't even look like she was listening- shit that reminded her, they needed to talk. Three seats in front Dr Benson was trying to stop Dr Stabler from flicking paper at her, god they needed to get a room and just to her left-

Shit.

Just to her left Lucas Scott was watching the stage intently and she hadn't even thought about how her hair was looking. She shifted in her seat trying to surreptitiously run her fingers threw it, praying there wasn't anything gross left over from surgery earlier sticking out.

"Quit fidgeting," Rachel hissed, "your hair looks fine and you're making me dizzy!"

"I'm not doing anything!" She made a show of scribbling down another note, "see?"

Her best friend rolled her eyes, "yeah," she flicked her own hair so that it hit Peyton in the face, "there was absolutely none of this going on at all," she flicked it back the other way and Peyton prodded her with her pen.

"Shut up."

"Hey, it's not me getting all swirly over a dumbass who can't spell _necessary_."

"He can't?" Rachel smirked and Peyton scowled at her, "not that it matters because I wasn't doing anything."

"Well you were _thinking _something."

"I was _not_! Shut up and let me listen."

Rachel stuck her tongue out at her and Peyton crossed her eyes back before they broke into a peal of giggles.

"Shhh!" Dr Branch glowered at them and they fell silent, Rachel elbowing her as they turned to face the front again.

"Uh, yeah," Chris scratched the back of his neck, "there was no indication that the patient would crash as suddenly as he did." He looked around desperately; Peyton knew the feeling all too well. When you'd done everything you could to help a patient but _still _something had gone wrong and the people around you turned on you instead of helping- it made her shudder at the memories.

She needed to help, say something for Chris maybe-

Lucas stood up suddenly, his hand in the air and Peyton sucked in a sharp breath, what the hell was he doing?

Chris paled; looking very much like Lucas had betrayed him somehow. "Doctor Scott?" he said quietly.

"You say that when you left the patient blood sugar levels were normal, BP was holding, steady enough pulse?"

"Yes that's right."

"And there was a mass trauma coming into the ER that you then had to cover?"

"Uh... yeah."

"There was an agreement with the staff on the floor that you were to be paged if anything went wrong and you left knowing the patient was under observation?"

"Yes, look-"

"Would you have done anything differently if this situation reoccurred?"

Peyton looked at Chris quickly, curious to know his response, it seemed like the whole auditorium was holding its collective breath.

"No," Chris said after a moment, "all three of the trauma cases brought in survived because _I_ was there to work on them- I wouldn't trade their lives for an unfortunate turn of events I could never have predicted."

Lucas nodded, "I agree, in my opinion you did exactly the right thing."

From the stage Peyton could see Chris's eyes widen and then he smiled faintly, "well thanks."

In the front row Julian turned to shoot daggers at Lucas, "_thank_ you Doctor Scott, for giving Doctor Keller your seal of approval but-"

"Alright," Jack stood up suddenly, "it would appear we've concluded this case- there was nothing that could have been done differently except perhaps Doctor Baker's miraculous hands being on call rather than tied up in another surgery. Thank you Doctor Keller." There was a faint ripple of laughs as Julian's face darkened further and Jack beckoned him towards the stage whilst dismissing everyone else with his other hand.

Chris practically collapsed in a heap on his chair and Peyton watched as Lucas jumped down the stairs two at a time to go and speak to him, "what, are they suddenly bffs or something?"

Rachel shrugged, "guess they sit around braiding each other's hair and talking about how much they're _totally_ crushing on the pretty Doctor Sawyer."

"Oh as if."

"It's true Peyt- you're their common ground."

"They're _doctors_, like us," she said through gritted teeth, "although I sometimes wonder how you managed to make it through med school with the brain of a twelve year old."

"Takes one to know one."

They filed out of the room, sniping at one another good naturedly and Haley caught up with them at the end of the corridor, "guys!" She linked an arm through both of theirs and continued walking, "did you see Doctor Scott in there? Totally saved Keller's ass right?"

"Apparently he's the new hero around here," Peyton said sulkily and Rachel scoffed.

"Oh," Haley wiggled her eyebrows at her, "is there something I should know?"

Peyton stepped on Rachel's toes, ruining her subtle efforts to stop her friend from blabbing about her "imaginary" crush on Lucas by tripping Haley up and making them all stumble.

"Smooth," Haley said laughing, "don't worry honey, I'm not judging, he's a fox."

"Who's a fox?" Brooke asked at they stopped at her desk.

"_No-one_."

"Lucas."

"My dumbass brother in law apparently."

Brooke blinked, "did that all add up to a person?" She handed out files and pointed behind them, "Hales, Marie Demplen is here and wants to know what's taking so long."

Haley sighed, "well my day just got a whole lot worse."

Peyton pulled a sympathetic face, "I'll go keep Riley company, you gonna try and ward her off?"

"Yeah, I want to keep Riley here as long as possible to be honest," Haley looked at her with pleading brown eyes, "think you can pull some strings?"

"Of course," Peyton touched her arm- _hey_ when she actually liked someone she could occasionally be touchy feely ok? "Just get her out of here as soon as you can."

Haley nodded, "I'll be up to the ward in a bit, Brooke can you call Morgan?"

"I'm on it."

Rachel had been quiet while they passed out files and Peyton frowned, "and what miracle has silenced you over there Goose?"

She regretted making a joke as soon as Rachel looked up, her face pale and her eyes sad, "Chloe's back."

She felt her insides drop to her feet, "oh Rach, I'm so sorry."

"Shit," Rachel pushed her knuckles against her forehead, frowning, "she must have finally lost the battle of the wills against that stupid heart of hers." She shook herself briefly, exhaling hard. "Crap. This is so not what I needed today."

Peyton rubbed her back soothingly, glancing at Brooke who met her eyes in sympathy.

Finally Rachel nodded, "it's ok. We've fought it before, we can do it again."

"Hell yes you can," Peyton agreed, trying to put as much conviction as possible into her voice. Rachel looked at her, eyes suddenly panicked and Peyton grabbed her hand, "I mean it Rach, you live for this kind of shit."

"Yeah..."

Peyton swallowed and tried to smile, putting on their usual bravado, "alright come on now, you think I'm gonna let you angst down here forever?" She tugged on her hand, "I'll drop in and say hey to Chloe before I go up to Riley, see that big ass rock of hers."

"Thanks," Rachel murmured, "Brooke can you come and get her settled?"

"Sure thing."

As a rule you weren't supposed to have favourite patients. All of them frequently broke the rule, Brooke never said no to any of Jake's patients when they asked for extra jello, Chris never said no to _any _pretty patient under twenty five no matter _what_ they were asking for and Peyton ended up making pillow forts far more often than she was comfortable admitting to any of her peers.

_Chloe _had been one of Rachel's first patients. Born with a hole in her heart that was fixed years ago, Chloe had then been confronted with Left Sided Heart failure at twelve. She'd been in and out of hospital ever since and she and Rachel had met whilst Rachel been an intern. Chloe had refused point blank to let her illness get her down, had gone to Harvard to study journalism, met the love of her life at twenty two and was planning on getting married in three weeks. And now she was facing a real threat to her hard won happiness. It didn't seem fair. She and Rachel had bonded over late nights when Chloe had been unable to sleep and Rachel had sat up with her, just sitting by her bedside reading ridiculous trashy magazines that Chloe insisted were good for their souls. She'd listened to all Rachel's hospital stories/rants and in return Rachel had helped get over the fear of not allowing herself to fall in love in case it ended in catastrophe- i.e her dying. Rachel had briskly told her that she ought to get over herself and stop being afraid to live because she might get hit by a bus tomorrow.

There were probably nicer ways to say it but hey, they weren't known for their gentle manners around here. And whether it was harsh or not, the point had gotten across. It was pretty much how they survived; they made jokes, cajoled, mocked, teased, anything they could to keep going. And when it got serious they were there for each other because fuck this wasn't the Hallmark channel but they had each other's backs and even if they weren't great at saying it most of the time- Peyton could sure as hell hold her best friend's hand all the way to Chloe's room. Just as Rachel could stand by Peyton when she had the horrific task of turning off a life machine, or when Dan had died, both girls had sat with Nathan in the living room for three days straight letting him eat Cheetos and watch all the Alien films before demanding he shower and shave. And when Jake had lost a patient just over a month ago Brooke had worked the schedule so that he had no cases every Tuesday afternoon and dragged him to every art gallery in town because she knew it helped distract him.

Their methods weren't perfect or the most sentimental but they worked for them, it was how their little tribe worked.

* * *

Peyton sat back grinning, scrunching her face up, "am I over twenty?"

"No!"

"Am I famous?"

"Yes."

"Am I a singer?"

"Yes!"

"Oh I'm getting close! Um, Miley Cyprus?" That was her name right?"

"Miley _Cyrus_! And no!"

She scratched her chin and let out a deep sigh, "man this is hard!"

The three girls sitting on the beds in front of her giggled and she pouted, folding her arms, "I don't think you're playing fair, you've made it too hard!"

"It's _easy_! Come on Doctor Sawyer guess!" Ha, easy for them to say; but they were the one's behind whoever's name was currently stuck to her forehead on a Post It note written in sparkly glitter pen.

"Am I a girl?" She had no idea why she thought that would help; who the fuck did kids listen to these days? Her iPod consisted of Springsteen and Slow Runner, Dylan and La Rocca; not exactly a ten year olds playlist.

"No! He's a boy!"

"Um, ok." She grinned, her eyes sparkling at them, "you guys are good!" She got up to check Leia's pulse, making her lie back and fluffing her pillow, "keep still," she warned.

When she turned around both Haley and Lucas were at the door of the ward, Haley was smiling softly and Lucas was leaning on the door frame looking... almost _fond_. She blinked in surprise, "uh, hey."

"Marie just left," Haley said quietly.

Peyton nodded, "I'll be in to check on Riley in a minute."

"It's ok, I got it," Lucas said, "Haley just wanted to let you know."

Peyton raised an eyebrow at her friend, "she did huh? Just thought she'd stop by?"

Haley smirked and covered her hand.

"Hey uh," Lucas smiled widely all at once, making her breath catch, "you got a little something on your face there."

She scowled at him, feeling stupid, "it's a game we're playing."

"Oh, can I play?"

The no that was on the tip of her tongue was drowned out by the chorus of yes's from behind her.

_Traitors_, she thought crossly. She caught Haley's eye and knew her friend had read her mind.

"You can take over for me," she said sweetly, pulling off the post it and slapping it onto his forehead with a little more force than was necessary. Lucas almost fell backwards off the chair he'd just pulled up and all the girls giggled again.

"What are you like Prince Charming today or something?" She muttered as she turned away.

He caught her wrist, "no, but apparently some people here actually _do _like me."

"I never said I didn't!"

"Liar- you've said it plenty!"

She bit down on her tongue; she really couldn't cause a scene in front of her patients. Instead she gave him a pained smile, "don't over excite them."

"I do know how to look after kids you know."

"Prove it," she snapped, before waving at all of the girls, "I'll be back later- when it'll be my turn to make you all guess!"

They all giggled again and waved wildly. Haley rolled her eyes and shook her head as Peyton came towards her, "you know you must like him a little bit to allow him to stay with your babies."

"You _hush_!"

* * *

An hour later and Peyton made her way back onto the ward to see all three girls fast asleep and Lucas filling in charts. He still had a yellow Post It stuck to his forehead with pink spirally handwriting on and she rolled her eyes, _almost_ affectionately.

"They get too clever for you?"

Lucas looked up, his eyes flashing over her- definitely not making her heat up- before smiling and sitting back, "nah they zonked out before I could guess. You wanna help me out with the answer?"

"You're not wearing clown pyjamas."

"Should I be?"

"You're not under eight."

"I think you're missing the point of the game here," he said smirking at her.

She blushed, shifting awkwardly, reaching for Olivia's chart, "it's not a good idea, I get majorly competitive."

He laughed, "I would never have guessed. Come on, it's not like it's chess- _then _you'd be in danger."

She quirked an eyebrow, "oh really?"

"Hell yeah, I'm awesome at chess."

"What, the whole reading your competitor stuff? Who'd have thought."

He rolled his eyes, "come on! If I guess right I get to tell the girls I'm the new champion."

"But I like my place as queen of this game!" He pouted ridiculously and she squashed down the urge to tell him he should stop hanging out with eight year olds because they were making him behave _more_ like one than usual and sat down, "fine."

His eyes lit up, "well aren't you kind."

"Don't push your luck," she warned, "hit me with a guess then."

"Alright," he narrowed his eyes, "am I famous?"

"No sir."

"Am I over forty?"

"Not yet."

"Oh so I'm alive?"

She smacked her forehead gently, "damn I gave that one away- although you still formed the statement as a question so yes you're alive and you've got seventeen to go!"

"Such a stickler for _rules _Doctor Sawyer."

"Shut up and guess," she said, trying to make a threatening face and finding it much harder than usual.

"Am I male?"

"Should I answer that officially when you've got a post it with pink hand writing on your forehead?" He glowered at her and she laughed, "no, in this instance you're female."

"Under eighteen?"

She laughed, "you're making it really hard to answer with a straight face here."

"Oh come on- you were the one playing this first."

"Fine no, you're over eighteen."

"You're supposed to give a yes or no answer doctor."

She stuck her tongue out, making his eyes widen in surprise and then he snorted with laughter and shook his head, "am I hot?"

"Depends on who's looking I guess," she said lightly.

He tilted his head to one side, fixing her with another one of those intense gazes he used so well. She suspected most women on the receiving end of one of those looks rarely resisted it.

"I'll say I'm hot," he said quietly.

He blinked and the moment passed; she found herself regretting the tension disappearing and then cursed _pull it together Peyton Elizabeth_.

"Do I work in the hospital?"

"Yep."

"Nurse?"

"No."

"Doctor?"

"Yes."

He grinned, "so the girls weren't stretching the imaginations here."

She laughed again, "it was probably Leia, she always picks the same name."

"I'll remember that," he scratched his chin thoughtfully, "do I wear blue scrubs?"

"No."

"Do I like my job?"

"Y-yes."

"Do I work with kids?"

"Yes."

"And that makes me feel good because I know they're safe with me?"

She squirmed awkwardly in her seat, "yeah."

"Did I grow up in the city?"

"How is that relevant?"

"Yes or no!"

"Fine, no."

"Do I like any of the other doctors in this place?"

"_Yes_!"

"Did I ever _date_ any of the other doctors here?"

She was silent for a moment, staring intently at him, "you can just guess the name you know."

"That's not part of the game."

"Fine, yes."

"Do I still have feelings for him?"

"This isn't fair."

"Rules are rules baby, you're the one who lives by them."

Finally she sighed, "no, you don't still have feelings for him. It was a long time ago."

"Bad break up?"

"You're out of questions," she said flatly.

"I've got one more."

"It was a bad break up yes. He, was not a very nice person... in the end."

He nodded slowly and she realised just how close they were. She could see how blue his eyes were, the faint gold stubble across his jaw- she sat back with a snap. "Last question then?"

He smirked, "do I think Lucas Scott is hot?"

"Oh come on!"

He replaced the distance she'd just made, leaning over the table so that they were barely a breath away from one another, "humour me," he said in a low voice.

For a second she stared at him, feeling herself inching forward and then at the last second she whipped the post it off his head, "you're supposed to guess a name with your last question so, you lose."

Lucas sighed and slumped back in his seat, scrubbing a hand across his face, "damn, I was so sure it was gonna turn out to be Cabot."

She scrunched up the piece of paper and then paused on her way towards the bin, "so Leia picked the name did she?"

"Yup, I guess she's got a soft spot for you Doctor Sawyer."

"Uh huh," she gestured at the pink pen on top of the nearest open file on Luke's makeshift desk, "so you were just borrowing it?"

The cute way his face went bright red did not make her want to reach over and ruffle his hair or kiss him or- oh god something that was _not _appropriate work behaviour or anything she had craved to do to someone for a _long_ time. She started when she realised she hadn't even heard his response and realised he was giving her a concerned look.

"Whatever Doctor Scott, just make sure Leia gets her pen back ok?"

Lucas blinked and _oh god _the hurt in his eyes before his face went blank and he nodded stonily, "sure."

She sighed as she turned away, it was for the best really, no relationships, no bonds, no affection, drawing a line kept things _clear_. Right?

He stood up and put the Post Its on top of her charts, "for next time," he said quietly.

"Thanks."

For a moment they stood looking at one another in the doorway and then he smiled faintly, "nice seeing a softer side of you for all of ten seconds Doctor Sawyer. Be seeing you," before tipping her a mock salute and disappearing down the corridor. She found herself watching him go, wishing that she was walking to go get coffee with him or something.

Oh _fuck_.

Why did he keep blurring the lines for her? She uncrumpled the Post It note, staring down at her name, _Peyton Saywer_. It dawned on her after a second that it wasn't an eight year olds handwriting; he had _totally _set her up! And for what? A couple of questions about her job and Julian goddamn Baker? And why did he even want to get to know her anyway?

And why did she care?


	6. The Weakness In Me

**A/N: I'm so sorry this took forever, my new school stuff totally kicked my ass and left me floundering plus evil illness has had me going to bed at tea time for the last week. also god i'm sorry but this is really long as a chapter! Also also! there should be another chapter up like, tomorrow to make up for my absent posting! *hearts***

Being a doctor is like no other profession Lucas has ever known. He would imagine it's close to teaching in some ways; you're responsible for someone else's well being, if physical rather than mental of course and you've got a whole lot of authority over everyone in a room at any given time. But more than that you're someone people look up to, someone whose word is pretty much taken as law. It's why he can't understand why anyone goes into teaching or medicine for _the money_ or the _good holidays_; it's total bullshit. You don't become a _good_ doctor because you like the idea of a nice glass desk and you can see yourself dropping into operating rooms and saving the day doing a procedure you've never done before but magically know how to do in twenty five seconds. You don't get to spend all your time flirting with hot interns in elevators because you're just so awesome your hair always miraculously looks that damn good and you've forgotten that oh yeah, the white coat technically means you're _supposed_ to be acting like a professional. Yes he's admitting here that he has, on occasion, watched Grey's Anatomy. He broke his leg three years ago (long story involving sand dunes and JB being convinced they could _totally_ flip a jeep off one of them and land on another- you can't) and spent some time staring incredulously at the show and how hilariously wrong they've got it.

It's so much messier than you can imagine, it's challenging and invigorating and you don't have time to stand around for twenty minutes at a time delivering long, if inspiring, speeches. You're there because you want to make a difference, you want to be _that_ cliché and "help people" and he couldn't give a fuck if people think that's lame because he _knows_ he does. It's what kept him going through a lot of dark and difficult nights in the desert, collapsing on his knees in the sand after a gruelling surgery, that he has saved lives, lots of them.

Oh and by the way, you do not ever, ever, go back to work in a hospital if you're suffering from PTSD; it's just common _sense _man.

"_Newbie_!" Lucas was greeted with an armful of Chris Keller and a beer being pushed into his hands as he walked into Reid's, still buzzing from his conversation with Peyton.

He laughed, "you know normally I'm used to getting a lapful of someone in a pretty dress with a pretty face, but I guess if I squint-"

Chris threw his head back laughing, trying to punch him on the shoulder and missing by a mile; Lucas didn't even need to reflexively twist to the side but hey, instincts and all. "Fuck off Scott- you don't get to be all sacarstic- sac- sarc- _sarcastic_ tonight, tonight the drinks are on me!"

There was a cheer from behind them and Lucas ducked his head around Chris's arm to take in the crowd of hospital staff all beaming at him.

"Drink newbie," Chris demanded, thrusting the beer further into his face, "all of it, now!"

Well he was never one to turn down a free drink or ignore an order and so he grinned around the bottle and downed it in one.

"Yes! A man after my own heart," Chris cheered before throwing an arm over his shoulder, "come- I think the bar with more alcohol is this way!"

Lucas chuckled and easily took Chris's weight as they moved through the throng of people as his colleague rambled the whole way. "You know I really appreciate you standing up for me and all but if you think this means I'm gonna like, fall in love with you or anything you're sorely mistook- mistake- mistaken!"

"Aw shucks, and here I was hoping you were gonna fall into my arms-" Lucas raised an eyebrow at Chris's current position, leaning on him heavily and Chris laughed again.

"You're a quickie one Lucas Scott."

"So I've heard," he said lightly.

There were some familiar faces to greet as he made his way to the bar, Brooke and Jake, heads bent together in conversation both looked up to wave, Jorja and Marg both grinned as he went past and Haley was right in front of him when he arranged Chris on a stool at the bar. He swallowed his disappointment at not spotting Peyton and smiled at the pretty social worker, after all, she was fairly hot herself.

"Hey," he sat down next to her, leaning casually on the bar.

"Hey yourself," Haley lifted her beer and beamed at him, "nobody got hurt playing this afternoon then?"

He laughed, "what gave it away? All my limbs still being attached?"

"Damn right, Peyt's very protective of her patients."

"I know," he said seriously, "I respect that, I respect all of you."

She gave him a fond look, "I got that Luke."

They chatted for a while and Lucas began to wonder whether it was worth trying to make a move. Ok so in the negatives column, she was a colleague, she was Peyton's friend, she probably, no wait- _definitely-_ had more class than him and oh yeah, he had feelings for Peyton... He took another sip of beer, watching Haley talk animatedly about cereal, or serials or, shit _something_, he wasn't really listening.

He blinked hard, trying to renew his focus, maybe he should be at least _trying_ to listen...

...But on the positives; Haley was pretty damn hot, she was cute and funny and smart and she was interesting- well- he was pretty sure she was interesting and hey you can't judge him, it had been freaking weeks since he'd gotten any.

And Sawyer clearly wasn't putting out anytime soon because well, she'd probably rather stick needles in her eyes than spend more time than was absolutely necessary with him, let alone have _naked _fun times with him.

Or she'd stick needles in _his_ eyes. He suspected she'd probably take quite a lot of glee from that.

Damn she was feisty.

"Lucas?"

He froze, _shit_, he plastered a smile on his face and looked down at Haley, "I'm sorry, just thinking about a case."

Haley shrugged, pulling her bag off the counter, "no biggie, I zone out all the time thinking about work." She smiled sweetly at him, "anyway I gotta get home-"

"I can take you if you want, you know, you don't know what could be out there lurking in the dark," he offered quickly, not his smoothest line ever but come on, he was just a bit out of practice ok?

"Thanks," Haley said softly, "but I'm good."

"You sure?"

She smiled suddenly, her eyes dancing with amusement, "look, I mean this in the nicest way possible Lucas but even if you _weren't _hitting on me purely because Peyton wasn't here, you wouldn't have a shot in hell."

Well that was... new. That just, didn't happen.

He actually didn't have words.

"You know I can be quite charming, you haven't even seen my A-game," he said finally, struggling to sound as confident as ever. It wasn't like his score sheet had a success rate of a hundred percent but a total shoot down was freaking _rare_.

Haley smirked, "you're not really my type."

_Lyyyyying. _He was everybody's type. He ignored the voice in his head that pointed out he was yet to become Peyton Sawyer's type but hell he was going to work on that.

"Oh, uh, ok?"

She laughed, "dude your face, it's like someone just told you women sometimes fake it, and yes even with you."

He scoffed, "well that's just not true"

"You're right, of course," she leant towards him as she stood up, "I'm totally covering up the fact that secretly I want you, just like I secretly want Keller."

"Someone say my name?" Chris appeared, attempting to thrown an arm over Luke's shoulder, missing and smacking it down on the bar, "woah, ouch!" He stared at his hand in shock for a moment and then slowly flexed fingers, "phewwwwwww! No damage done, we're cool. So yeah, uh- what were we talking about?"

"You," Haley said drily, "we're always talking about you sweetie."

"Well of course," he grinned at her, winking (_blinking_) in her direction, "when you gonna dump that Morgan and go out with me Hales?"

Haley pretended to consider while Lucas turned to look at her in surprise, "you already have a boyfriend? How come it never came up?"

Chris began to laugh hysterically beside him, falling over his own feet as he stumbled around, "because duh-" he tripped on the bar stool and landed on the floor, "woah- that was close," he looked up at them, "did I get you?"

"You don't have a drink dude."

"What? Well why not? Get me one!"

Lucas helped him up, "why don't we get you a cab instead?"

"Sorry Luke- haven't had enough juice to go that far just yet."

Haley broke into laughter again and Lucas scowled, "would everyone stop thinking I'm hitting on them tonight?"

Chris groaned suddenly and rubbed his forehead, "oh shit, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Sorry Luke," Haley patted his shoulder sympathetically, "at least you get to go home with one of the prettiest girls in the bar after all."

"Oy you shhushh up ok?"

"That made no sense Chris," Haley nodded as the door at the bar opened, "that's my ride. Good luck Luke," she reached over the bar, smiling at the bar guy and handed Chris a plastic cup, "drink this before you go anywhere. Don't worry, I won't tell Peyton about our conversation."

"Ha _ha_, hey how come everyone but me gets to call her Peyton?"

"Well I can't vouch for everyone else but she likes me so... See you tomorrow!"

He couldn't argue with that. Damn it.

Chris waved a limp hand and Lucas turned in the direction Haley was headed, "_damn_ who's Haley's ride?"

"The reason you'll never be able to sleep with her?"

"Holy shit!"

"What, you see your own face in a mirror?"

Lucas snorted and elbowed him, "dude you were too drunk to form sentences five seconds ago and now you're being a bitch to me?"

"You're a big boy, you can take it," Chris pointed towards the door, "now take me home!"

_

* * *

_"You are_ not_ serious Nathan Scott."

"Baby- it was just a suggestion-"

"Absolutely _not_, god you are the most ridiculously foolish person in this place!"

"Rachel-"

"If the next words out of your mouth are anything along the lines of _I_ _just thought it would be fun_ or _I wanted to try something new_ I swear you are sleeping on the floor with Sethular tonight!"

Lucas blinked, lowering his coffee as he made his way into the cafeteria. It was late and he was exhausted, ready to hit the on call room mattress like it was made of feathers instead of cheap wire wool (he could and _would _sleep anywhere- Rachel's bathtub would attest to that). But in the middle of the room his brother and his wife seemed to be about to enact a possible version of World War III and he lowered himself into the nearest available seat, trying not to wish he had popcorn available.

"S'goin' on?" He muttered to Brooke who had a pile of charts in front of her but was leaning over them to stare at Rachel and Nathan.

"Nathan was talking about motorbikes with Chris- mentioned he'd tested a couple out- Rach had just finished surgery and overheard. They've been at it for twenty five minutes." She passed him a bag of gummi worms and he beamed at her; she was officially his favourite person.

Peyton appeared looking sleepy and wearing an oversized Raven's Hoodie that made his gut clench. He knew it was Nate's but damn she'd look better in his. Ok, so Brooke was kind of running in a not so close second for favourite.

"You paged Rach," she croaked, scratching her head sleepily. Rachel turned to fill her best friend in, waving her arms around dramatically whilst Peyton blinked a lot and tried to look like she understood what was happening.

"How is it that even in crappy lighting and at one in the morning she still looks like she could model for Prada," Brooke hissed from beside him, "I officially hate her."

He chuckled, "no you don't."

"You're right," she sighed dramatically, "but I _am_ jealous of her hair."

Lucas frowned and glanced at Brooke's own shiny dark hair, "why? Yours is fine."

"Yeah but it sure as hell doesn't look like that when I've just rolled out of one of the damn on call beds."

He tried not to think too much about Peyton rolling out of any bed and glanced back at his family. His family, heh, what a group.

Brooke was right though, Peyton _did_ always look beautiful, and she had pretty damn good hair. _And_ excellent legs. And such a _radiant_ smile when she actually showed it (for those keeping count he'd seen it four times, twice on the ward, once at Rachel and the one brief shining moment when she had directed it at him.)

But more than that she always looked put together, prepared for any crisis, smoothly in charge of any situation without ever putting a hair out of place. He kind of wanted to see her rumpled up, hair ruffled and clothes askew...

"You _know_ what we call motorcyclists Nathan- organ donors!"

Oh shit, he'd forgotten he was in public. He shifted uneasily and tried to think about Nathan and Rachel making out... there it was, problem solved.

"I'm not a child Rach- I'm not stupid."

"Well you could have fooled me!"

"Maybe you guys should do this some other time," Peyton was saying softly. She hadn't noticed Lucas, or at least, hadn't acknowledged his presence and he didn't try and change that; he liked seeing her like this, all sleepy and trying to be a pacifist for _once_.

"I'm not being irrational Peyt! I'm not! Have you seen the size of that damn thing?" Rachel rounded back on her husband, "I can't _believe_ you!"

"You weren't supposed to find out this way Rach-"

"Oh so now you're lying to me? What else have you been lying about?"

"Ok, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that because you're running on no sleep and even less sugar because you know I've _never_ lied to you."

"That's not the point! Were you ever going to mention it or was this stupid, _underhand_ driving going to stay a secret you shared with Chris freaking Keller?"

"It- I-"

Lucas snorted; how Nate became a lawyer and ever managed to argue a case successfully was beyond him.

"I just, it was just _really_ cool."

"Cool!" Rachel's voice reached ear splitting levels and Peyton placed a soothing hand on her arm.

"Rach sweetie shhhh!"

Rachel dropped down into the nearest chair suddenly and burst into tears, "god sometimes I feel like I am living with a twelve year old!"

"Do you think she'd notice if I took a picture?"

Brooke muffled a laugh, "I think she'd claw your eyes out."

"Dude, this is like the only time I've ever seen the less evil twin escape, it's monumental!"

She elbowed him and he groaned quietly, "uh, _ouch_."

"Shh, I am _not_ missing this because you want to gloat over Rachel crying. Besides, she's kind of having a bad day already Luke."

He frowned, forgetting the melodramatics for a moment and turned to her, "it does seem a little out of character for Rachel to be creating such a scene- no wait," he grinned, "it's completely in character."

Brooke rolled her eyes, "oh honey you're just cross she's not cheering you on in your attempts to woo her best friend."

"What?" He spluttered and then sighed, "number one, remind me to kick Keller's ass later and number two, who even uses the word _woo_ anymore?"

"Me! And Jake," she added softly.

"Aw, you got a crush Davis?"

The second elbow to his ribs was a lot sharper and he jerked away, "_stop_ it!"

Brooke snorted, "quit being a girl wuss, I thought you army boys were supposed to be hard core."

He pretended to flex his arm muscles and grinned at her, "we are."

She rolled her eyes, "I am _whelmed _Scott."

"GET A HOTEL ROOM TONIGHT NATHAN!" Rachel shrieked suddenly before stalking out of the room and leaving Nathan looking very confused and a little bit amused.

"Do they do this a lot?"

"Not really, they're kind of the solid ones normally," Brooke frowned, "I guess it's just been a stressful few months what with Chloe this week and your dad and-" she paled, "oh god Luke I'm sorry, that was stupid-"

"It's fine," he said quickly, eyes following Peyton and Nathan out of the room.

"So you're..."

"I'm fine about it, I swear," he smiled quickly, "I'll see you later ok?"

Brooke didn't look convinced but smiled apologetically and waved him off. It wasn't like he didn't know that at some point he would have to sit down and talk about Dan; he just didn't want to right now. And ok, so maybe he wasn't entirely _ready _to open that can of worms either. Because talking about Dan would mean talking about his family, his childhood, and then his life after eighteen. Signing up, becoming a part of something that made him feel amazing, that gave him purpose, that developed a sense of pride in himself that he'd never had before. He'd been the cliché at school; the high school jock with no interest in bonding sincerely with anyone. The one who came into school with bruises on his face and covered up the shame by being as loud and as brash as possible. He had hated himself, loathed his life and resented the shiny, happy people around him who's biggest problems involved prom and what shade of pink would go best with lilac shoes.

Then the army happened, the medical training changed him and he fucking _learnt _from his experiences. He cared about the people he worked with, he cared about his patients and yes, he was a dick when he came home but could you blame him? Being thrown back into the life he had so despised, with Nathan staunchly trying to pretend nothing had ever been wrong for all those years? Oh yeah he'd done some not so charming stuff. On pain of death he could admit Rachel was fairly within her right to hate him. But he'd always gone back, always felt the searing heat of the desert and felt healed again. He could forget about the douche Lucas Scott he left at home and become Dr. Scott or even just Scott. The guy who spent hours sitting with his guys, feeding them, reading them the letters their own loving families sent them, _helping _them. And then he could go out on patrols, he could piss around with JB and the rest of the unit or struggle alongside them in battle. It had felt amazing, intense, significant.

And then Dan had died. Things had fallen apart both sides of the world and Lucas had found himself being tugged away from a bloody chest against his will, screaming his desire to stay, not a care about his own safety, his only desire to stay under that heavy fire, to stay and protect those who had saved him for so many years.

Ok so yeah, maybe he had some issues he would eventually have to talk out. But not with Brooke. Not with anyone from here with their special bond that he had seen and resented, missing his own so badly. He tapped on the cigarette carton and jogged up the stairs towards the roof.

He exhaled hard, feeling a little shaky, the way he always did after thinking, well, about _that_, and almost tripped over a figure sat hunched up on the stairs.

"Shit sorry-" he stopped as he noticed who it was, "Doctor Sawyer?"

She didn't reply for a moment, staring at her hands and he bent closer, looking at her carefully, "Peyton?" He finally said softly.

Peyton started and straightened up quickly, smoothing her hair out and wiping at her face, "oh, Doctor Scott, I'm sorry, was I in the way?"

"No," he said gently, "but you kinda seemed a bit out of it, you ok?"

"Of course," she gave him a strained smile, "I'm fine."

That word seemed to be going around.

He stepped back down to stand in front of her, "you sure?"

She lifted her eyes up to him and he was caught off guard by just how vulnerable she looked. There was a beat as they stared at one another, breath intermingling with just how close they were and he noticed her breathing change as they continued to lock eyes.

Finally she looked down, "it's been a long day," she whispered.

He sat down next to her, twining his fingers together in his lap, "what happened?"

He could almost see the internal battle going on in her head; to talk to the only guy in the place who didn't think she was the invincible Dr Sawyer (but then of course she'd be admitting he knew her and that wasn't part of the plan) OR to brush it off and go on, sitting on the stairs, staring at the taupe wall.

_Taupe_? How the fuck had he even noticed they were taupe?

Man he was even thinking like her.

He gave her another minute, knowing she wouldn't be rushed and was finally rewarded when she sighed heavily and licked her lips.

_Nathan naked. Nathan naked. Nathan naked._

"Do you know Dr Cabot?"

He nodded stiffly and then tried to relax, "yeah, chick's like second in command right?"

Peyton snorted, presumably over his use of the word _chick _but didn't say anything. Jesus it must be bad.

"She wants me to be Head of Paediatrics."

He blinked, "uh, ok, isn't that like, amazing?"

"Yeah it is," she sad softly.

"Then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Her voice rose an octave and oh god he was gonna get a rant, a long one probably.

"The problem is that Nathan's having a mini mid life crisis because his dad died and his wife couldn't save him and his brother just rolled back into town and thinks the world should just tilt to fit around his axis instead of the sun! And my best friend has a patient upstairs who's gonna die if we don't figure out a way to fix her heart and yet Rachel has zero confidence because of what happened with Dan and Cabot wants _me _to become Head of Paeds? I can't even look after my _own _family! I already have less than zero time to keep tabs on my patients, to ensure they have everything they need and that they stay _alive_! I have three interns tripping over their own feet to try and get procedures but what they haven't realised is that what will get them far around here is knowing patients names, being willing to sit with a kid all night because she can't sleep in the dark without her mom. And I can't teach that stuff if I'm Head of Paeds- I'll have to get _political_! And I **hate **politics."

He blinked. A lot. And then shrugged, "so screw being Head of Paeds, you don't want it? Don't take it."

Peyton deflated and turned to look at him, "are you serious? Cabot is my freaking hero, I can't tell her no!"

He half smiled because Peyton admitting she looked up to someone was, he tried to searching for a word that wouldn't make him sound like a total girl and failed, oh hell it was _adorable_.

"Don't you think you would respect your interns more if they gave you their own opinions rather than just spouted back what you've told them in the past? Wouldn't they impress you more if they had spines? You wouldn't have done so well in such a short space of time if Cabot didn't already see something great in you- prove to her she's not wrong. Tell her what _you _want rather than what you think _she _wants to hear."

Peyton stared at him, her beautiful green eyes wide and surprised.

He frowned slightly, "what?"

"Nothing," she smiled faintly, "it's just that, that all made sense and not in a creepy '_I'm trying to tell you I can see down to your soul' _kind of way, just in a normal, advice giving kind of way."

"Ah," he smirked, "so wait, are you telling me I'm being helpful for once?"

She laughed and punched his arm and holy shit did Peyton Sawyer just _jokingly punch his arm_?

"When you're being sincere sure."

"I'm always sincere!"

"Pfft _yeah_."

"I am with you," he said seriously and her smile faded as she looked at him. She scuffed her feet on the stairs and he wondered at how young she looked for a brief second, feet swinging nervously as she twisted them back up underneath herself.

"Why?"

He blinked, "why what?"

"Well why me? I mean, yeah sure I'm aware I'm not _hideous _to look at or anything but then neither are any of the female staff in this hospital. I've barely exchanged two _pleasant _words with you. Why are you treating me like I'm special or something?"

"Oh," he let his grin stretch his face, "but _you _are the only one to make me feel special with all the horrifying anger you put me through Doctor Sawyer."

She laughed, "don't let it go to your head Lucas, I'm just like that with everyone." His eyes widened and she flushed, "what?"

"Are we finally on a first name basis?"

There was a pause and he cursed himself for pointing her informality out, now she was going to go back to being all psycho, stiff and cold on him again-

"We can be friends on ocassion I suppose," Peyton interrupted his thoughts, her tone sounding amused and almost _fond_.

He lifted an eyebrow in surprise and then tilted his head slightly, taking in just how close they were once again, the vivid colour of her eyes, the nearness of her mouth and- and holy shit was she waiting for him to kiss her?

Without waiting for his brain to catch up he leant forward suddenly and crushed their mouths together.

Peyton let out a noise of surprise in the back of her throat and then to his utmost surprise, began to kiss him back. He lifted his hands up to cup her face, leaning her backwards into the wall as her arms came up around his shoulders, her slender fingers threading through his hair. It felt completely surrel and yet it was one of, if not _the_, best kisses of his life. He could feel one of her feet tracing patterns along his calf and her mouth was welcoming and warm and oh _so _good. There was heat everywhere and it felt like the electricity that had been building between them had caught fire to something and was burning bright blue flames, pushing them on, captivating him, making him wind his hand around the stupid Raven's hoodie she wearing and brush against soft, smooth skin that led to her shivering against him.

He groaned and that seemed to be his down fall because suddenly Peyton jerked away from him. She was breathless and her hair was wild from where one of his hands had been pushing it away from her face. She struggled to stand and he knew he was gonna be taking both the mental image of her looking oh so sexily ruffled away with him and a seriously angry telling off right now.

"We did not just do that," she said sharply.

"We did," he corrected, feeling a surge of bravery, there was no way it was just a one sided thing here, she definitely felt something. Maybe she had all along, he didn't know, he _had _to know, "there's not even the slightest argument for you to even _pretend _like you didn't want to do that."

He stood, stepping into her space and she backed away, eyes darting to anywhere but his face as she shook her head, "I don't do this. I _can't _do this."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes almsot pleading as she finally met his, "I just can't."

"Peyton-"

"Doctor Scott," she cut in sharply and ah yes, there it was, Peyton Sawyer back to normal, all traces of vulnerability and gentleness disappearing before him. He regretted having to watch it happen but at the same time, he couldn't resist looking at her, at _all _versions of her. "This was a mental abberation," she said quickly, as she looked down at her silent pager, "I have to go."

He moved to the side, stopping her from leaving through the doors he'd entered what felt like hours ago, "don't do this," he said urgently, "I know you're-"

"You don't know anything," she hissed, "let me pass, _please_."

Lucas sighed and moved out of the way and within a heartbeat she was gone, the door swinging, leaving him standing alone in the stairwell. He squared his shoulders as he climbed the stairs, she was going to be _mean _tomorrow.


	7. Lock And Key

**I'm sorry, I was a little ambitious about getting well and posting, I apologise if it's frustrating waiting. And I don't want to post anything less than exactly what I want so... But here we are, thank you guys for being patient.**

**Also, this one is a bit angsty but ya know, it wouldn't be LP without a bit. lil bit.**

Some people hate their birthday. The attention, the way every problem you've got happening on the other three hundred and sixty four days magically fade for twenty four hours and then rears their ugly heads when you're still hung over and surrounded by wrapping paper the day after. The weird feeling that the day isn't exactly real; it's a pretend, shiny, happy day that past the age of twelve you just can't force yourself to believe in anymore. So ultimately it ends up like every other day with you and the people who love you trying to pretend it's not because yay, however many years ago, you were born.

At least. That's how _some_ people might see their birthday; a big, disastrous, shiny disappointment.

Every year whilst Peyton was growing up it was tradition that on her birthday she and her dad would go to this crappy little carnival on the edge of town and he would always buy her a red balloon. She can remember every visit in almost painful detail; the smell of cheap candyfloss and hot dogs, the bright lights flickering all around her as she clung tightly to her dad's hand, the sleepy safe feeling she always had driving home, tucked up under a blanket while her dad hummed along to whatever radio station was playing. Once he was gone Rachel almost silently picked up the tradition, bringing her a balloon wherever they were, school, college, even the hospital, it was always there when she woke up. She lived with Rachel from the age of nine so it's not like the idea of her best friend creeping around her room whilst she slept was awkward- Rachel only ever had to get out of bed, tiptoe across the room and put in down beside Peyton's own bed. It's a gesture she really appreciates it because it's so very _them_. They don't need to sit down and have long, painful conversations about what used to be way back when, something happens, they deal with it, adapt to it and move on. That's not to say that there aren't ever emotional breakdowns or moments when they've just had to jump in the car and get the fuck out of town for a bit but they always come back, they always push forward. They celebrate their birthdays any way they can.

This morning there was a bright red balloon attached to Peyton's cherry tree, floating against her window as she pushed back the curtains. She smiled faintly, chuckling and shaking her head before grabbing her phone and holding two down, "you're a step away from being a stalker red."

Rachel snorted on the end of the line, "and a happy birthday to you my sweet best friend. How's the day treating you so far old lady blue?"

"Oh ha ha, I'm younger than you."

"No no no, I'm only twenty nine point two remember? _I never get old!"_

"You're old, I'm old, we're all old and Cabot wants me to head up Paeds. How are you?"

"What?" Rachel's voice exploded down the line, "hold on, I'm coming over."

Peyton laughed as her friend hung up and she watched as Rachel appeared from the house across the road, hair in a thick plait down her back and Nathan's old basketball jersey swamping her tiny frame. Seconds later she was running up Peyton's stairs and burst into the bedroom, "you got offered head of Paeds? Peyton that's amazing!" She dropped down onto the bed and tucked her feet under the covers before turning to face her friend from where Peyton was still standing at the window, "and why are we turning it down?"

Peyton let out an amused huff and sank down beside her, curling up with Cas before meeting Rachel's eyes, "I don't want to not know my patients anymore."

Rachel nodded, messing with Peyton's hair before sitting up, "that's a fair reason. Did you do your wall last night?"

"Oh," she blushed suddenly and squirmed on the bed, "I uh, was a bit distracted."

"Oh god," Rachel groaned, "did you sleep with Keller? Wait! Did you sleep with _Lucas_?"

"What? Ew no, and no again."

Rachel shrugged, "they were my go to Peyton- gets- distracted- and- does- something- stupid panic responses."

"Last time it was _did I take Julian back_- how come Keller and Lucas are in the mix now?"

"Keller because he seems to have been growing on you recently and Lucas because duh," her friend fixed her with a look and arched an eyebrow, "you've been looking at him with bloody hearts in your eyes."

"Gross."

"You _know_ what I mean. And you're avoiding the point."

"I am not! I did not sleep with Lucas. And it's my birthday- can we save the interrogation until tomorrow?"

Her friend's eyes narrowed and then finally she shrugged again, "fine, whatever you want birthday girl. You want coffee?"

Peyton nodded, "mhm? And pancakes?"

"Oh, so now I'm your slave?"

"Birthday!"

Rachel scoffed and rolled off the bed, "fine, come on then lazy bones, work in half an hour."

"Do we have to go to work today? Couldn't we like... stay home?"

Rachel stopped at the door, slowly turning on the spot and Peyton immediately regretted saying anything. "What do you mean, _stay home_?"

"You know," she played with the hem of the duvet, "do fun stuff?"

"Surgery is our fun, blood and organs and nothing remotely domestic, why are you avoiding fun Peyton Elizabeth?"

"Um... birthday?"

"You already used that for pancakes! You only get one free pass."

"Ok fine, I may um... so I was stressing out last night about you and Nate and-"

"What? Why?"

"You were fighting and-"

"We had one difference in opinion Peyt."

"Yeah? Well your voice got like three octaves higher than it usually does red and it was in the middle of the _cafeteria_- I was freaked, I don't like to see you guys arguing."

"My voice is always weirdly high! Nathan and I are fine, he slept where he normally sleeps. And stop distracting me, why were _you_ distracted and why can't we go to work today?"

"IkissedLucasinthestairwell. Ok!" Peyton swung her feet out of bed and began to move, "so shall I get the pancake mix?"

"You did _what_?"

"Ugh I told you we didn't need to talk about it today. Damn I hate my birthday," she muttered as an afterthought.

"Uh huh- don't you go guilt tripping me about the birthday thing, our birthdays are awesome and you seriously kissed _Lucas_? Wait-" Rachel shut her eyes tightly for a second, "am I still here? Am I naked? Because that would officially make this top five nightmare material."

"_Rach_! Not helping!" Peyton groaned and dropped back onto the bed, tugging the covers up over her head, "I can never go to work again."

"What? Don't be stupid Peyt, it was your hospital first!" Rachel paused, leaning on the door and considering her friend, "was it like- I mean- did you want it?"

Peyton hesitated, scrunching up her face, "do you want me to answer that?"

Rachel groaned, "oh god you don't even have to now!" She shook her head, rolling her eyes, "I should have known!"

"It's not like that-"

"Of course it is! You're my twin; of course you're bound to fall for a Scott boy!"

"I have _not_ fallen for him."

"Pfft," Rachel snorted and disappeared from the room, "I _knew_ it."

"No you didn't!"

"Did!"

After pouting and scowling at her best friend all through breakfast- who happily ignored her whilst gloating at the same time- Peyton reluctantly got dressed and followed Rachel out to the car.

"You're not allowed to ride with me," she said sulkily.

"Why? Are you gonna wind down the window and sing loud angry goth music to pretend you've not gone soft and gooey over Lucas?"

"I hate you."

"See? You can't even say it with any venom these days," Rachel let out a wistful sigh, "oh for the old days."

"Oh shut up! And _why_ are you ok with this? I thought you hated Lucas."

Rachel smirked, something in her eyes filtering through and then disappearing- only Peyton who had known her for most of her existence was able to spot it- and snatched Peyton's keys out of her hand, "but _you_ don't."

"Rach!"

"Honey, if you have feelings for him then who am I to stand in the way of true-"

"Don't!"

They continued bickering all the way to the hospital and into the elevator. If it helped keep Rachel from trying to get her to talk about her feelings then she was all for teasing her friend about her driving skills, her brief forray into purple eye shadow and the summer she dated Marvin McFadden- Peyton spent most of the two months dying of laughter.

"Can't even drive on the right side of the road-"

"-that was three years ago and you know I hate movie that have Ashton Kutcher in!"

"I didn't even see the warning- you act like I did it on purpose-"

"What was I even supposed to say? Your cousin was hitting on me at your _wedding_! In case you can't remember, I had quite a lot to do that day what with the massively neurotic bride running around!"

"-not even a natural blonde Peyton-"

"-not even a natural red head _Rachel_."

"_Hello _ladies, what are we arguing about and how can I offer to fix it?" Chris wiggled his eyebrows at them as he joined them on the second floor, messing with his Blackberry.

"We were wondering if you were going grey underneath all those highlights Keller."

Chris immediately reached to touch his finely quaffed hair and then scowled, "bitches."

"Don't be nosy then," Rachel retorted primly.

"Bossy," Peyton scoffed and Chris watched in horror as they began to gripe at one another once more, getting louder and louder as each floor passed by.

"You know what?" He stabbed at the numbers, "stupid of me really but I forgot, this is my floor."

"You don't work in gynaecology," Peyton said, frowning at him.

"Yeah uh-" he began to back out as they both turned to stare with their hands on their hips, "I um- I have an appointment, you know- check it's all working..." He made a gesture, "down there."

It seemed they were finally silenced by Chris's strange announcement but Peyton scowled as Rachel followed her onto the floor at the next stop, "why are you still here?"

"Birthday- we stick like glue," Rachel pouted, "it's tradition!"

"Yeah well I'm breaking with tradition! You keep talking about," Peyton lowered her voice to a whisper, "_Lucas_ and I don't want to talk about him! Or see him! Ever!"

Of course just as she uttered the words Lucas practically fell out of the on call room in front of them, pulling on his scrubs shirt with his pager beeping shrilly from his hand. He did a double take as he glanced over at her and straightened up, walking over.

"Satan," he muttered, glowering at Rachel before turning to look at Peyton with much warmer eyes, "Peyton-"

"Wait Doctor Scott-" Dr Lively came running after him out of the on call room and stopped short in front of the three attendings, "oh Doctor Sawyer! I have those reports you asked for-"

Peyton held up a hand, still staring incredulously at the two blondes, "you can give them to me at rounds; which I believe you are late for Doctor Lively. Please see that you make it up to the paeds ward before I do. You have sixty seconds."

"Run stick," Rachel added, fluttering her hands at Lively.

Doctor Lively's eyes widened before she nodded, backing away from them quickly, mumbling apologies.

"They're so fun," Rachel mused.

"Yeah, hilarious," Peyton retorted drily.

"Peyton can we-" Lucas began again and then fell silent as she turned her eyes back to him, cold and furious.

"It's Doctor Sawyer, for the _thousandth_ time! _Please_, just go back to doing your job and do _try_ and act like you're a professional," she snapped as she glanced down at his ruffled clothes before stalking away.

Lucas made to follow her but Rachel was in front of him before he even took one step, "I swear to god the only reason I am not anaesthetising you right here and dragging you down to surgery to remove your heart is because I'm not wearing my scrubs yet."

"We weren't doing anything," he snapped back, gritting his teeth, "I was in there by _myself_ until she came in about an hour ago looking for some advice on a damn surgery she has with _Doctor_ Sawyer later."

"Whatever," she retorted, scowling at him, "you stay away from her Lucas. And to think maybe I was going to- whatever. I don't know what your deal is but you're no good for anyone right now; no matter who else you've managed to convince you're fine and dandy."

He caught hold of her arm before she could walk away and pulled her back towards him, "and what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means Lucas," she yanked her arm away, "you might not be sharing why you came back with the class but I am only just holding my family together as it is and you don't get to sail on in here with your puppy dog eyes and screw with my best friend or my husband."

"Hey, _I'm _not the one who screwed up last year-"

"Don't," she interrupted sharply, "don't you even _dare_."

From her vantage point at the nurse's station Peyton watched the argument play out with Rachel's face going from fiercely protective (which by the way she loved her for) to hurt and angry all at once; it was kind of incredible the amount of emotions you could see flash through her friend's eyes. Lucas's face betrayed similar emotions and although some part of her (tiny, _tiny_ ok?) cheered when he had snapped that nothing had been going on with the intern she still felt her hackles rise when he had brought up the events of last year... He really had _no _idea what had happened.

And it didn't matter how much she had wanted him to kiss her yesterday, or to kiss him back; this was not the place to be getting attached. _Lucas _was not the kind of guy you got attached to. He was way too reckless for her cautious guarded nature and she just _knew _she'd end up getting burned.

Which kind of sucked because he was... something indefinable that she couldn't help but be drawn to. She shoved her hand down on the stapler in front of her, jamming papers together and tossing them in the sign out box.

Now everyone was cross, herself included and it was only eight minutes past nine.

She was also freaking _late _for rounds.

Damn stupid birthdays.

* * *

"**_Happy Birthday_**!" Peyton jumped as she wandered onto the paeds floor several hours later and was greeted by a roomful of excitable patients, several nurses, Jake, Rachel and Brooke all grinning at her.

"_Evil_," she mouthed at Rachel who winked and clapped along with everybody else. She then mimed doing a shot, mouthed, "_Nathan and me"_ and_ "later_," at her. Peyton narrowed her eyes back, trying to keep a smile for the rest of the crowd at the same time.

"Doctor Sawyer, "Cabot approached her, smiling- which, from Peyton's point of view, looked kind of scary on her normally stern as hell face, like when the Great Whites are shown feeding on Shark Week and it's creepy and gross but strangely fascinating... Oh, yeah, Cabot was now frowning at her like she was a little bit crazy- back to business as usual, "do you have a minute later?" It was less of a question and more of a _you will be free at some point for me _and Peyton froze.

"Uh," she swallowed, trying not to look somewhere else and failing. Unfortunately her eyes met Lucas's across the ward and she did a double take; he was watching her intently- as if he actually cared about what answer she would eventually give to Cabot. She blinked and looked away; there was something way too intense in that gaze for her to handle right now.

"Doctor Sawyer?"

"I- yes of course. I have surgery but I'll be free by five?"

Cabot glanced at her watch and then nodded, "if we can make it half past?"

"Sure, absolutely," she smiled in what she hoped was an enthusiastic way and then watched Cabot leave with a sinking heart. When she glanced back towards Lucas he gave her a faint smile and she sighed inwardly; what, did he think they were back to being friends now? A moment of understanding and they were gonna start trading smiles?

She barely had time to answer her own brain's question when-

"P Sawyer!" Brooke dived at her and threw her arms around her neck, "I know you're normally all snarly and _ew don't touch me_ but it's your birthday so I'm ignoring your usual rules."

She smirked, "funny how my birthday is all about _you_ Brooke."

"Duh," the brunette rolled her eyes, dimpling at her, "come on, the girls have made you a banner."

"Ah it's amazing," she said honestly; it always made her happy when her patients were enthusiastic about something- her birthday included.

"How old are you Doctor Sawyer?" Leia said smiling toothily up at her.

She laughed, "definitely a lot older than you Leia!"

"Well I'm eight so durr!" It was amazing how an eight year olds eye roll could make her feel chastised; she met Brooke's eyes and chuckled.

"Oh, I forgot, cake!" Brooke announced, pushing a plate at her.

"Brooke, I'm allergic to cake."

"What?" Brooke wrinkled up her nose, "no you're not! I've seen you eat cake before. Now eat it because Jake made it and if you don't he'll get upset and I'll have to hurt you which really isn't fair because then I'll be the bitch who pinched the birthday girl."

Peyton smirked, "once again, enjoying the birthday love being all about me."

"Peyton-" Lucas had appeared from nowhere and she smiled tightly at him.

"Hello Doctor Scott."

"Peyton-"

"Do you have a hearing problem?" She cut in sharply, Brooke's eyes widened and she grabbed Peyton's plate before it got smashed into anyone's face and slipped over to hover by Ray, one of their newer patients.

"Do I have- what?"

"Obviously you've just answered my question so could you just excuse me for a millennium please?"

"You're-"

She ducked out of the room trying to smile brightly at all her little patients and cursing the freaking day Lucas Scott walked through those damn hospital doors and thought he could try and break her down and figure her out. She wasn't a puzzle for him to get out on a rainy day and try to sort through; she was freaking thirty one years old and she was her own person. If he thought he could start trying to muddle through her soul when she'd spent her entire adult life building it up then he had another thing coming.

"Peyton!"

"_Quit_ calling me that," she shouted as she tried to make her way down the corridor to get as far away from him as possible. "And please leave me alone!"

"No," Lucas grabbed her hand and pulled her through the nearest door which unfortunately turned out to be a supply closet.

"Don't you manhandle me! Stop that- what the hell do you think you're doing?" She hissed at him as he pushed her into the closet and switched on the light.

"Why are you ignoring me?" He demanded, disregarding her first question.

"I'm not ignoring you; I'm treating you the same way I always have. In a _professional _manner."

"Well I don't appreciate it."

"You don't- you- _excuse _me?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, stepping in her way when she tried to exit the room, "I think it's rude and _unprofessional _of you to treat a colleague like this."

Her eyes widened incredulously, "are you serious? You fell out of an on call room this morning with one of my interns, an _intern_. The _height _of professionalism being demonstrated right there."

"Oh, so that bothered you?"

"It bothered me that she was late for rounds."

"Really? Because from where I was standing it seemed more like you were pissed at the idea of me and Blake being locked in an on call room together."

"It's Blake and I _dumbass_, god didn't you learn proper grammar when you were eight? And I don't care who you're in on call rooms with; as long as it's not one of _my_ students."

"So you wouldn't mind if I went in there with Brooke?"

Her eyes flashed with something and he smirked triumphantly before groaning in surprise when she pushed her heel into his foot and pushed him aside. She paused at the door, "I've spent years ignoring sexual innuendo crap from Chris Keller and before that I was dealing with emotional baggage from a jackass that could quite possibly give even _you_ a run for your money. I don't need this. I don't need you demanding reasons for why I'm trying to maintain a professional relationship with another doctor in the work place; you're acting like a spoilt child. We had one brief-"

"Look I'm gonna stop you right there," he said suddenly, leaning up close and nudging the door shut once more with his unbroken foot (she really hoped it would bruise, _bastard_). "Thing is Doctor Sawyer, you seem unable to stop your dramatic speeches where you shoot me down or give me an insight into the Sawyer- Gattina crazy train unless you're physically stopped so," he looked down at her intensely, "it was _not_ a brief anything, it _isn't_ a brief thing."

She exhaled hard, "I'm trying to work Lucas, please-"

"You're _trying_ to push me away."

"No, you're not close enough for me to need to do that!"

"You're lying to yourself."

"No I'm _not_. Look, I don't know what you want from me but I'm not the person to give it to you. I _work_ here, this is a _hospital_ where I care for people; not the place I want to come to and create stupid romantic entanglements for myself. And on the _one_ day I actually thought maybe people would let me do my own thing everyone has literally laughed in my face about it so can we just, not?"

She made to open the door once again and he scoffed, "what, so that's it?"

Her forehead _really _hurt later from thudding it against the door before turning, "you're _kidding _me right?"

"You're so used to people being scared of you and not saying no to you that when they actually try and show you how much they care about you- you get pissed?"

"That's not-"

"I mean you keep acting like this is something you don't want but you kissed me back!"

"Keep your voice down," she hissed crossly.

"This isn't about being professional or your career; this is just you keeping this emotional shit at bay. Well I got news for you Peyton Sawyer, I am _not_ Julian Baker, I'm not looking to screw you over."

"_Really_?" She raised her eyebrows, slowly turning to face him completely, "so actually this is about _you_, reading deep down into my soul and telling me what you think _I_ want."

"I think you have to give me a chance."

"But why? Why me?"

"Why _you_? What kind of question is that?"

She shook her head, smiling grimly, "and that's the problem."

"It's not _the _problem, I bet you've got a thousand more!"

"That's- that's not the point! Why are you going out of your way to get me to do something I've already clearly stated I can't handle? Correction, I don't _want _to handle it."

"But why not? And why _not _you? You're amazing."

"And you're basing that on what exactly? Nathan and Rachel's opinions?"

He scoffed, "yeah because I listen to _everything _they say."

She felt her temper rising and she took a step towards him, "don't think for one second anyone in this hospital will give you an inch of support if you're actually stupid enough to start a war with Rachel. You have _no _idea what we all went through last year because you were a thousand miles away and-"

"Doing a _job_."

"Regardless, you still came home which means deep down somewhere you obviously missed your family; why don't you work on the bridge you've tried to keep blazing for the last decade and fix _that _relationship rather than trying to fix me?"

"I'm not trying to fix you! Don't be ridiculous!"

"_Wow_. You know this is all _really _helping your argument about why I should be giving you anything more than my surgery schedule."

"No that's not what I-"

"Leave me alone Doctor Scott," she couldn't help but snap the words at him as her nerves frayed. Just looking at him with his stupid sincere blue eyes and confused frown made her think stupid things. She had no idea how they'd gone from arguing about kissing (totally not happening ever again despite the weird flip her stomach did every time she thought about it) to all out fighting but it was making her want to lie down with a cold compress eighteenth century style. She sighed, feeling the anger seep out of her, "please. Just- I don't know how to make it any clearer, this isn't what you think it is."

When she yanked the door open this time he didn't stop her. She ignored the twinge that _really_ didn't feel like relief and began to make her way back down the corridor. And now she got to go do surgery and confess to her boss why she didn't want a promotion. Great.

Stupid, stupid birthdays.


	8. The Heart Locker

**a/n: real life kinda got hard really suddenly in November- think no time to go "yay it's my birthday" bad lol. so this was way later than planned. v sorry guys. i wish it was different and that i had some more time! it kind of made Lucas's pissed at the universe thing much easier to write though LMAO.**

**disclaimer: i don't own and i never will. Brooke would _so _not be marrying Julian. Peyton would never have left. Rachel would be with Nathan. Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins would have been hanging out in the background of every Tric visit to be BFFs with Owen... etc.**

So life fucking sucks. Basically, you get born, your dad decides for some reason unknown to the universe that you're a threat from birth or something else equally stupid and is a total bastard to you for your entire childhood, screws you up so badly you shoot through adulthood being a bastard yourself, and then you die. Or something slightly more poetic.

But Lucas isn't really feeling poetic.

When they were kids he used to sit in this one shitty little closet on the second floor with Nathan shivering beside him and make up stupid ghost stories to distract his kid brother from the banging and shouting going on below them. For someone normally so manipulative and sharp his dad never worked out where their hiding place was and occasionally for a few blessed hours they were safe. And the whole time he'd repeat over and over that one day they'd get out, one day they'd be free and Dan would never hurt them again.

It's ironic really; lord knows Lucas put a _lot_ of fucking mileage and effort into running from that ghost and into trying to feel that elusive safety he's always craved. But somehow it's the one thing in his life he can't drink away. And of course the whole signing up for one of the most dangerous careers (and fucking glad to have it done it) wasn't exactly a big help. But at least being a part of something that good and strong and feeling so bonded with his unit made him feel something different. He did feel protected... Hey, he never said he was a simple kind of guy.

He's never acted like a victim; he never played the card in school or expected special treatment. He wore the bruises with a weird kind of pride, hell he took a lot of them for his brother and that was something to be proud of. He's not been the kind of guy to pat himself on the back very often- the whole feeling pretty worthless because your dad doesn't give a shit about you mantra was beaten in at a fairly young age- but he was proud of himself for what he did for Nathan. He tried so damn hard to protect him from the brunt of it all. Putting him to bed early- even when the kid was in double digits and protested a _lot_- and encouraging him to get involved in anything and everything to keep him out of the house. And for the most part, it worked; Nathan saw Dan's handiwork on Lucas but it wasn't often he had to look in the mirror and see it for himself.

And that was enough for Lucas. For a long time it was enough. But then it wasn't. And he had tried, on the rare drunken occasion in the back of a sweltering van or crap town bar, to explain this to the only two people in the world he'd trusted it with, _why_. Why he'd bolted. To explain what changed... And in the back of his head, in that same chest he keeps the worst Dan memories locked away in he knows exactly what changed. But he can't voice it, ever. Because that would make him the worst brother in the world. And yeah ok maybe Nathan already thinks that already but honestly, how do you explain to your kid brother that you resent him? That by giving up your own chances you ended up letting him live a life you could never have? And really, he's kind of over it now because maybe army life screwed up his head in other ways but it fixed a lot of shit too. He loves Nathan. He would willing do it all again or jump from a speeding train or die or what-the-fuck-ever _for_ Nathan. He's just not very good at voicing that. Or anything. So he's home and he's being a pissy little bitch because it seems like Nathan has wiped their childhood from his memory and somehow thinks Lucas is to blame for all his problems.

Maybe he is.

Maybe bailing on Nathan was a total jerk like move and his brother has every right to resent him.

...But he needed to do his own thing. He needed to be _free_.

He knows he hasn't behaved like a very good or moral person for the last decade but that was his _choice_. He owns that choice and fuck Nathan or Rachel or even Peyton bloody Sawyer for acting like he doesn't have a damn right to be pissed now. He was kind of sick of being the bad guy.

* * *

Lucas kicked the door of his flat open, losing his temper as his key jarred for the fiftieth time and then tossed the bunch onto the sideboard. His German Shepherd, Texas (what? The place freaking saved his life,) let out a joyful bark and dived towards him. Well, at least _someone_ was fucking happy to see him.

He dropped his bag and jacket, grabbed the nearest available hoodie from a heap on the sofa and Tex's lead before whistling sharply, "we're going for a run kid, a long one, and we're not coming back until I'm a whole lot calmer ok?"

Tex's dark eyes looked up at him faithfully and he felt a tiny smile, "you are the best thing I have done since I moved back to this crap town Tex and don't let anyone else tell you different. Especially not any of my bloody colleagues." He bent down to attach the lead and paused thoughtfully, "in fact, if we run into any of them I give you express permission to take out their jugulars."

He received an enthusiastic yelp before he straightened and nodded, "then let's blow this shit up."

They ran for what felt like hours. His legs were like dead weights, his arms were about to drop off and he thought maybe his hair probably looked like a crow attacked it, but he can't stop. Push through it. Ignore the pain, damp it down, run the fuck away from it. He's had the same mantra his whole life.

Eventually Tex whined and stopped in his tracks, collapsing against a bench and Lucas joined him feeling relieved. At least Tex gave in first; his masculinity is still intact. He snorted at his own stupidity for comparing himself to his dog but hey, his dog is freaking awesome so who gives a shit?

Ok so he was a little angry. What else was new? He was suddenly aware that he had become _that_ cliché. You know, the one where he's the guy with daddy issues and he's spent his life covering up the angst by being charming and pretending not to have a care in the world. _That_ one. The one Zac bloody Efron is bound to end up playing in fifty different films with twisted happy endings where the girl (or guy, he's not judging) declares their love for him anyway because he fixed himself and they ride off into the sunset. Lucas was more likely to see a film of his own particular life story end in a burning pile of regret and debris. He would prefer Zac cried at the end because at least it would give him something to laugh at whilst drowning in popcorn alone at the back of the movie theatre.

He slipped his hands into his pockets and ran his finger along the top of the cigarette carton, trying to reign in his feelings. His guys would freaking laugh their _asses_ off at the floundering mess he has recently become.

Watson would shake his head and grin ruefully at him and JB... JB would squint at him, trying to figure out the best way to pull him out of his moping and then cuff him round the head, tugging him close, telling him to quit being a pansy and that if they were gonna get shot he'd rather not have it just after a Lucas angst moment; it would depress him and steal his own thunder about heading off into the light. Or maybe he'd say something about Luke needing to hit it with the blonde paeds surgeon because she had a good pair of legs, JB was partial to good legs. And then Watson would roll his eyes and say he preferred a damn nice ass. And then JB-

Well what the fuck was the point in even wondering? Now they wouldn't say anything.

He gave up on sleep at five and jogged to work, savouring the way the cold air made his breath catch and his lungs ache. Inside he made his way to the main floor and scowled when he saw his pile of charts. God damn, why was it that _he_ didn't have three interns assigned to him to do his bidding?

Fuck it.

"Crawford!"

The young doctor bounded towards him eagerly from where he'd been pretending to sleep on one of the visitor sofas, "yes Doctor Scott?"

"You're here early kid, if you wanna make yourself useful I've got a ton of labs you can run."

"Sure, of course, anything else?"

"You can get my coffee and a haircut."

Doctor Crawford blinked, "um, in that order?"

Lucas rolled his eyes, "just meet me upstairs with the lab results would you?"

"Uh of course," the kid backed away quickly and Lucas resisted barking at him or something else to make the boy jump and run.

He slammed his files down on the nurse's desk and Jake jumped from where he'd been asleep with his head on his arms two feet away. He had pink marker pen on his cheek and bags under his eyes. Lucas suspected he still looked better than his own personal appearance which could be classified at best as _unkempt_.

"Dude," Jake blinked, squinting up at him and rubbing his face, "did someone shut the elevator doors on your hand?"

"Nope, just getting a start on the day."

"By waking up the whole hospital?"

"Sorry man, forgot you need your beauty sleep instead of helping save lives," he snapped back storming away with Jake's surprised exclamations in his ears.

Down in the ER he swept through diagnosing a strep throat- (what the fuck? Who came to an ER for a sore throat?) -re-set a kid's dislocated shoulder and diagnosed an appendicitis that Novack came down to collect with barely a nod in his direction. Seriously, what was with all the female surgeons in this place being total bitches?

As if the devil herself was reading his mind Rachel appeared as he made his way back up to the ward. It was just _not_ his morning.

"You were mean to Jagelski?"

"So?"

"It's like being mean to an overgrown puppy."

He sighed, "is it any of your business?"

"I've known him for ten years of course it's my business."

"Knowing someone for a really long time does not give you privileges to butt in Gattina."

"God you are a dick, get out of my way."

"Hey, you got in _my_ way!"

"You got in my way the day we _met_ Lucas."

"You _punched_ me the first time we met."

"You hit on me!"

"I was blind drunk, emphasis on the _blind_."

"Wow playing it blind, is that your excuse for the rest of your pathetic life?"

"Maybe, what the hell's yours? Were you drunk the day you operated on my dad?"

Even he knew it was a step too far, hell he had probably hit too far a while ago and was officially miles past it, burning bridges left, right and centre.

Rachel seemed inclined to agree, "don't talk to me. Ever," she snapped before stalking away.

"Fine by me!"

He really hoped no-one was watching, he already looked like a dishevelled mess and he'd hate to see the gloating looks on various people's faces if he got fired for being way too unprofessional, even at _this_ hospital.

* * *

Finally, what felt like hours later, he sat down heavily in the Attending's lounge and rubbed at his temples. Fuuuuuck. He just needed a bit of peace, some sleep maybe, something to help-

"Doctor Scott?"

"What is it?" He growled, glancing up at Doctor Crawford, was this kid following him around?

"I got your labs and I was hoping-" before Doctor Crawford could finish the door of the lounge flew back, slamming into the wall and Peyton appeared; her eyes fierce as they fixed on Lucas.

"Scram," she snapped at Crawford without looking at him. He left like his ass was on fire; Lucas couldn't really blame him.

Slowly he stood up, "Doct-"

"Sit," she said sharply, "shut up."

He found himself obeying and watched as she sat down opposite, dropping a large file in front of them on the table.

"What is-"

"I told you not to talk, for god's sake do it before I change my mind about this and punch you in the face." She flipped open the file and shoved it in front of him. "Now, _you_ are a class A douche Lucas. You yell at my friends which, by the way, _I _don't even do. _E__ver._ And you take out whatever issues you've had building up for your entire life on everybody around you. It's not fair and it's not the way you're ever going to get comfortable around here. It's also making everyone else's lives really crappy so I'm going to lay something out for you."

"I don't see how a medical binder is gonna fix me-"

"This is Dan Scott's medical file," she cut in curtly.

He felt the colour drain from his face and stared at her numbly, finally out of snarky come backs.

"Your father." He couldn't even find his voice to retort that yeah, he knew who that was. "This is a record of his first visit," she said, pulling the first page out. "He was in and out with us for years and Cragen- who was our Head of Cardio back then- dealt with him. When Cragen retired Rach took on his case and by then your father's Cardiomyopathy was crippling him-"

"I know all this," he said hoarsely.

"It was severe," she continued as if she hadn't heard him, pulling out another sheet, "this is a record of his last visit. He'd been ignoring Rachel and Nathan for months and when he turned up-" she stopped, "well, you read it." She paused, suddenly letting her face soften, "it was awful Lucas, you have no idea. And I'm not saying that to hurt you," she added quickly before he could protest, "it's just how it _was_. Rach and Nate never left the hospital; she lost weeks of sleep, got so thin I was carrying food in my coat just to give it to her when I saw her- Nathan got the job at the hospital just to be here all the time."

"Peyton-"

"And we _all_ worked our _asses_ off to try and fix him. Keller called in every favour he'd ever had with all the cardio gods he'd worked with at medical school, Brooke was pretty much working hand and foot for your dad, calling in shift changes to be there round the clock and Jake basically just kept us all alive. And Rachel... She didn't want to operate the last time, it was high risk and your father wasn't taking any of it seriously- he was pretty cruel actually, in the end. It was- I-" she cleared her throat, "she did it, when Nathan begged. And we thought for a while it had worked; but you can't stop a clot Lucas. Maybe you don't like Rachel and ultimately that doesn't matter to her because it sure as hell doesn't keep her up at night but you cannot even dare blame this on her. She carries around enough regrets about what they could have done differently as it is. When you read this you'll see though, nothing could have changed what happened."

"Someone should have been watching him more carefully," he snapped, leafing through the records, the words blurring in front of him.

Peyton snorted, "he was under _twenty four hour _surveillance. Look, take it or leave it, these are the files. Your time yelling at everyone you work with is up, you either accept that we did everything we could to save your father and that ultimately the only person you should really be finding at fault- if you really need someone to blame- is _you_ for not coming home when you know you should have done; _or_, you can lose the rest of your family for good."

She stood up and adjusted her blouse, "we might not be the Friends cast but we have each other's backs."

"You don't have mine," he muttered.

Peyton's eyes hardened, "grow up Lucas, I'm trying to help you."

"Really? Cos it just seems like you're rubbing my face in the fact that I was out, trying to help put an end to one of the worst wars in history, watching my friends get shot-" he stopped, realising he'd stood up and sat back down deflated, "whatever, thanks for the file."

"Look I said I wasn't trying to make you feel worse Lucas," she said softly, her voice more gentle, "I'm thinking you do a pretty good job of beating yourself up as it is. This is just how it was with your dad, you seem to have formed quite an incorrect assumption of what happened in your head. Just read it ok?"

He shrugged non-commitedly, "you don't know me and you sure as hell don't know what I went through with my dad before I left home. Why the hell do you think this will _help_ me?"

She swallowed and then tried to shrug back, "because even though I hated my dad when he died, I never forgave myself for not being there. I would give _anything_ to know that the people around him when he died cared about him."

His mouth dropped open, "I thought-"

"It's not important, just, read the file ok?" She disappeared before he could say anything else and he was left, staring at the big green file with **Dan Scott** on the front in Rachel's neat looped hand writing. He felt sick. He'd always been able to convince himself that something medical had gone wrong, something physical he could blame other people for- Nathan hadn't pushed Dan enough to get help, Rachel had come up short during a procedure- but what if it was just that his dad had been too stubborn and too selfish to even try and stay alive before Lucas had a chance to see him again?

Before he could have said his peace, proved his father wrong for everything he'd ever said in an attempt to make his son feel like crap.

It seemed like right now every shot Dan had ever taken at Lucas was true. He was weak, he was a failure, he _was_ a coward.

* * *

Two hours later and the file was sitting in his locker waiting for him and he still hadn't decided if he could bear to read the details. He finished stitching up a hand wound from a jack saw and wandered over to the nurse's desk. Both Jake and Chris fell silent as he arrived and he rolled his eyes, "seriously? Are you two gossiping about me?"

"Just surprised to see you made it through the day without karma knocking you down the stairs or something," Chris said grimly.

Lucas winced, he knew he deserved the hostility.

"Ok, I was a dick this morning- out of line- and m'sorry about that."

Jake gave a wry chuckle, "that your idea of an apology Scott?"

He scratched his neck awkwardly, "best I can do on short notice."

"Fair enough, we all have those kind of days I know, but I doubt it'll fly for the twins of darkness, or Brooke for that matter- I'd steer clear if I were you. And then beg for forgiveness on your knees in a couple of days, or maybe weeks in Peyton's case."

Lucas couldn't help scoffing, "even if I won back Peyton's approval she'd find something to be pissed at me for within minutes."

"She's not that bad," Jake began to protest but Lucas cut in-

"Yes she is! I swear she's got her heart in the right place but she's damn sure not good at letting people find it."

"How poetic," Chris said sniggering.

Lucas punched him on the arm, "you know what I mean. She refuses to take any kind of chance- no offence to you guys but this place is so slow a glacier would over take it in terms of change."

"Now that's just not true."

"It is! You guys are _seriously _afraid of embracing change."

"Oh really?" Jake's eyes seemed to visibly harden and assuredly he pushed off from the desk they were leaning on, "watch and learn how we do it here Scott."

"Oh you shouldn't have said that," Chris muttered as Jake walked away, "he only does this kind of scary determined thing like once a year and it's always to do with Davis."

"Pfft what? Is he finally gonna ask her to have coffee?"

Jake stalked across to the coffee cart where the brunette nurse was standing with a friend, "hey Brooke!"

Brooke peered at him frowning, "you ok Jakey, you look all hot and-"

"We should get married."

"We should- we- what?"

"Yeah, I think we should get married. I love you, you love me, you've basically been living at my place for the last four years so I think we should skip the whole will we, won't we dance and you should just be Mrs Brooke Jagelski- or Jagelski Davis, whatever you prefer, I'm partial to the Davis personally."

"Are you- are you being serious?"

"You know I'd never joke about a thing like this."

"We haven't even been on a _date _Jake!"

"Would you prefer it if I got down on one knee?"

"For a start!"

Jake smiled hesitantly and then made to bend down, "wait- you are gonna say yes right?"

"Do it _properly _first!"

Lucas watched in utter amazement as Jake _officially _proposed and Brooke burst into tears and said yes. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He had just been owned by the puppy dog of the hospital- and with _style_.

"Oh you're dead now newbie," Chris muttered, "she was still on my list."

"Dude, she was never going to sleep with you," he managed to retort, still kind of dazed as he watched Jake spin Brooke around in a hug and beam at them both from over her shoulder.

"Yeah but there was always the dream," Chris sighed loftily, before grinning at him, "better step up to the plate man, Baker might hear that spontaneous proposals are in this week and get down on one knee for your girl."

"She's not my girl," he said crossly, "she's made it perfectly clear she has no interest in ever _being _my girl."

Chris rolled his eyes as he swung his legs down from the desk, "since when has Peyton Sawyer ever said what she really meant?"

Lucas hesitated, "she has to me man, sometimes- she's sincere you know? When she's not breathing fire."

"Well then maybe that's your answer. Maybe she's been waiting all her life for a man who can take her crap and still see the true Peyton," Chris clutched at his chest and began to hum, _Hero_ under his breath, Lucas shoved at his shoulder and the skinnier doctor tripped and skidded across the floor. "Uncool!" He straightened up, shaking his head, "besides- aren't you soldier types supposed to go in all guns blazing and shit? Quit chickening out before I go and try crossing _her_ off my list once and for all."

"You are so not sleeping with her!"

"I don't know dude- now that Davis is officially off limits I might be feeling like I've got nothing to lose- and I have always had a soft spot for Peyton," Chris smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Don't you dare!"

"Ah, so, officially claiming an interest?"

Lucas felt himself flush and shrugged, grabbing at his charts, "shut up."

"Chicken shit!"

The thing was, he didn't even know if Peyton would let him _try _and apologise; or declare feelings again; or even speak to her. He hadn't exactly been polite the last time they'd had a conversation, and she'd actually been the one trying. Fighting for him in her own weird angry way.

He sighed, reaching for the folder when he opened his locker. He was gonna need some JD to go with this.

* * *

Peyton opened the door, blinking in the bright light and then widened her eyes in surprise as recognition dawned, "Lucas? What are you- why are you on my porch?"

"I came to see you," he said briskly, stepping through the door without invitation and pushing a bouquet of Irises at her, "Nathan told me these are your favourites a while back, I have no idea why he knows that, I'm just assuming it's the repressed gay in him coming out."

She seemed to catch up pretty quickly as she rolled her eyes, "your brother's gay, ha, _so _original."

"I've been making that joke since he was nine, it's not meant to be original, it's just a classic."

"Lucas- seriously, why are you here?"

His eyes flickered up to the wall where there were black and white photographs of Peyton, Rachel and Nathan, some of Brooke and Jake and others from the hospital- it was so good to finally get a glance at who she was outside of the hospital. "I, am cooking you dinner," he said finally landing his gaze back to her. She looked beautiful in a sleep mussed kind of way in sweats with her hair falling over her shoulders in that easy, graceful style Brooke so envied and a blue tee shirt with Jack's Mannequin emblazoned across the front.

"I- I already ate."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow, "what did you have?"

She averted his gaze, looking around quickly, "um, soup."

"Oh? What kind of soup?"

"...Carrot?"

He snorted, "nice try, but I'm doing this."

"But why?"

"Because," he said shortly, "you did something nice for me today, despite the fact I was being a total ass and I wanted to thank you properly. I also know that you don't eat anything in the least bit healthy seeing as you and Gattina can't toast a pop tart between you and nothing at that cafeteria contains anything remotely nutritional. So," he held up the shopping bag in his other hand, "I'm making you lasagne."

"I- you-" she followed him through to the kitchen (pretty self explanatory directions seeing as it was the only room downstairs with the light off- and you know- right in front of him) "you know how to cook?"

He scoffed, "who do you think fed Nathan growing up?"

There was a moment of awkward silence where he knew she was digesting this new information and he both regretted mentioning it and yet at the same time felt strangely liberated. Something about her just made him want to spill his guts, only in a less literal, gross way, obviously. And he needed to do this tonight, even if she was going to spend the entire dinner yelling at him for being a bitch to her best friend, or had a weird mix of panic, anger and sympathy in her eyes as she looked at him, he just...

Needed her.

He clapped his hands together to avoid blurting that whole train of thought out before he managed to get to an apology and cleared his throat, "you got a pan?"


	9. Let It Go

**Disclaimer: I don't own Jack.**

If anyone had told Peyton this morning that Lucas Scott would be banging around her kitchen trying to find utensils to cook her _dinner_ less than twenty four hours later she would have laughed in their face. No seriously, she wouldn't have been able to stop herself. She's kind of holding in a burst of hysterical laughter now because what. the. fuck? She really doesn't have an excuse for why she let Lucas in other than that he caught her off guard.

"So I realise I asked for a pan but maybe I should ask when the last time you had anything given a health and safety check?" Lucas was gazing around the kitchen with growing horror on his face, "this is _not_ hygienic!"

"Funny, that's what Brooke said last year when she and Jake had to crash here while he got his pipes fixed- are you admitting you're a girl now?"

Lucas snorted, "it's not being girly Sawyer, it's being very aware of mould and not wanting it growing in your oven."

"Hey shut up there is not mould in there!"

"Do you even know how to turn it on?"

Peyton blinked innocently, "isn't it on now?" He stared at her aghast for a moment before she broke out into a grin, "what? I was kidding, I know how to turn it on." She gestured quickly at the entire oven, "you just press that one there right?"

He raised an eyebrow, "sorry, which one?"

"That one." He raised an eyebrow and she scowled, "ugh I don't know these things! God, I'm a surgeon, I don't cook!"

"You know _some_ people can do both."

"Fine" she scoffed, "it can't be that hard to do." She sat down beside the oven and jabbed at some of the buttons, "oh look, a light came on!"

"Yeah that's the timer."

She could hear the amusement in his voice and she rolled back her shoulders, "ok, minor inconvenience, nothing too drastic, can't let that defeat us." She narrowed her eyes as she swept her gaze over the oven, "there has to be some logical way of doing this." She crouched down, opening the door in front of her and sticking her head inside, "is there something in here?"

"Jesus no, get your head out of there! You're a freaking surgery wizard, don't you see enough kids come in with injuries having stuck their heads where they don't belong?"

"I don't use this thing; I don't know what you do with it! Rachel sorted it out last time."

"Last time? You've actually used this _thing_ before?"

"Hey shut up; we baked Nathan a cake once."

"I take it all back," he said solemnly, "I'm sure that cake was completely edible."

She had a streak of oven dust or dirt, who knew, on her forehead and he smirked and leant forward to wipe it away, "look at you, getting _dirty_ in the kitchen. Who would have ever thought you'd see the day."

Scowling she turned away and grabbed the phone, trying to avoid meeting his eye in an attempt to regain her composure, "if you're not cooking for me you can at least pay for the pizza."

He laughed, "whatever happened to equality?"

"Um, chivalry comes first."

"Yeah well maybe you should be the one who's _chivalrous_."

"_You_ came over here to make _me_ dinner!"

"Fair enough," he chuckled, rolling up his sleeves, "here we go." He flicked something to the left of the oven and a humming filled the kitchen.

"You- I- shut up."

She put the phone down and crossed her arms, "so I hear you saw the proposal go down?"

" Yeah," he laughed, running a hand through his hair, "it was kind of my fault actually."

"Your fault? What you _made_ Jake propose?"

"No, I was um, talking about something and suddenly he got all crazy and went over and proposed." Lucas blurted out his explanation as if he was avoiding something and she raised an eyebrow.

"You mean you were bitching?"

"Uh- maybe?"

She rolled her eyes, "wow, how do you _ever _make any friends?"

He snorted, "you kidding? I've got natural charm babe."

Her heckles rose suddenly and she narrowed her eyes at him, "ok so we might be past certain formalities but you sure as hell don't have permission to call me babe."

Before she could say anything else he had moved to stand directly in front of her, resting his hands either side of her hips on the counter she was leaning against, "but I can call you Peyton now?"

His voice was low and it made her shiver, "only when we're not at the hospital."

He smirked like he'd caught the hitch in her breath and then turned away, "so do I need to disinfect the table or anything? Go and buy some plates from the nearest Walmart?"

"I have plates!" She leant back on the counter, watching him unpack ingredients like this was an everyday activity for them both. The ease in which he moved around her kitchen and she _let_ him, made something under her skin itch. She sighed and scrubbed her face; this wasn't real life, they were pretending to be something they weren't here, like it was normal for him to plough into her home unannounced and cook them dinner.

"I read the file." His voice broke her thoughts and although it wasn't going to be an easy conversation she was glad for the interruption.

"And?"

He sighed and leant against the opposite counter, folding his arms across his chest before seeming to think better of it and placing them on the plastic surfacing. "I had no right to accuse any of you of doing anything but your best for my dad."

"No," she said carefully, "you probably didn't."

He let out a low huff that almost sounded like laughter, "I don't even know what I thought I would find out coming home- maybe that there had been a complication I would have seen- something _I_ could have fixed if I'd been here that no-one else spotted."

"Sometimes you just can't fix someone," she said softly.

"Yeah I know," he said shortly, straightening up and messing with some of the weird mince stuff he'd made that looked kind of gross- she really hoped it looked better than that when they ate it or she'd be ordering pizza later anyway.

"I spent so long running from my dad, my past, even Nathan. I guess I just always assumed I'd have time to come back and prove I wasn't the screw up he always said I was. But nope, not my dad, he was such a stubborn son of a bitch he just had to get the last word in. He always had to win."

He looked up at her, his blue eyes so sincere she felt it down to her toes, "how am I supposed to fix things with Nathan now? He's so angry at me for abandoning him but I did it because I knew he'd be better off without me. He would have spent years trying to support me while I got my life together, but he was so smart, and the only thing I could do to help him was take the shit from my dad and let Nathan do all the things I couldn't do."

She didn't really know what to say, she knew some of what had gone on in the Scott brother's past- stories that had come out when Nathan's tongue was loose with alcohol or more recently when he'd been so upset last year and just blurted horrifying memories out in the dark hours they'd spent waiting on news or sitting in the hospital chapel.

"I was mad at my dad when he died," she said finally. Ok so that wasn't the best thing to have admitted to but hey, she was shit at this stuff and maybe it would help.

It appeared to as Lucas's eyes flashed up towards her, narrowing slightly, "yeah I remember you saying something after the whirlwind of horror that was this afternoon."

She snorted, "you're a big boy, you survived."

"Barely...When did he pass away?"

She shrugged awkwardly, picking at the countertop, "I was fourteen. My mom died in a car accident when I was eight, we were driving back from a wedding and- and there was ice and a guy going too fast in a pick- up. My dad couldn't have done anything about _that _bit, he came out of nowhere. Dead on impact so he never even had to deal with the mess he made. I met his son though- once- about ten years ago. His name is Craig; he's a cop- does everything he can to make up for something his dad did." Her eyes were heavy as they met his, "guess we can relate right? So anyway my dad put me in a blanket and sat me on the side of the road while he tried to wake my mom up and I kept waiting to hear her voice... but she didn't wake up." He was staring at her in silence and she swallowed quickly, needing to get it all out before she broke. "My dad fell apart. He left me in the waiting room on one of those stupid plastic chairs and just, didn't come back."

Lucas made a small noise of horror and she tried to smile, "yup that's me little girl lost."

"Peyton-"

"But it got better," she interrupted, "I moved in with Rachel and her parents- they weren't great but they were there on occasion and they always made sure we had enough to eat or whatever. I decided the year I found out my dad died that I was gonna be someone who could help fix families and I don't have the patience Haley does for social work so it was doctor or cop and- I don't like guns. And Rachel always knew she wanted to fix brains. So we just stuck together. Through everything; school, college, med school, moving to Chicago. Rachel is the very best family I could _ever_ have hoped for." She met his eyes with steely determination suddenly, "and once we're done getting emotional you're gonna go across the road and apologise like you've never fucking apologised before ok? Because you might not like her very much or give a crap about her but I do. And this gesture is all very well but it's not the one you need to be making. You say you don't know how to fix things with your brother? Well here's your starting point."

He sighed and scrubbed a hand across his face, "do I really have to?"

"You said yourself you've made some mistakes; don't add this to the list. This could be the one that means you lose Nathan for good." She didn't want to sound dramatic but she knew her friends. She knew Nathan. And he loved his wife. She was sure he loved Lucas too, deep down, maybe really deep down considering their differences and Nathan's serious issues with his brother. But he had basically fallen in love with Rachel the moment he fell at her feet in their first week at Columbia at a frat party and that had been it for the both of them. They were soul mates, from their weirdass fondness for all things American history related to the way they always gravitated towards each other in sleep- whether it be in airports or cafeterias (Chris drew on both their foreheads once but never made the same mistake again after Rachel had spoken to him alone in an on call room later- he'd wondered around wide eyed and horrified all day afterwards). She inwardly rolled her eyes at the sappy crap and made a mental note to give Rachel shit for making her think such thoughts later.

"So," she put a hand on her hip, "you wanna do this now or do you need to cry some more first?"

"_What_?" He started, his eyes flitting around, "are they here?" He stood up, "oh my god are they _upstairs_?" He stalked into the living room, "I mean normally I can tell about these things but-"

"Oh christ would you _relax_? They're not here you idiot; they live across the road."

He blinked, "really?"

She snorted, "you didn't recognise the road?"

"Um," he pulled a sheepish face, "it's been a while since I was around here and uh... I was kind of intoxicated both times."

Peyton reached for a hoodie, rolling her eyes, "of course."

"Hey, cut me a break- I was like twenty five and home on leave for the first time."

"You didn't come home in seven years?"

He shrugged awkwardly, "I didn't really have much to come home to- I just dropped by to see Nate and things got a bit... out of control?"

"That seems like one way to put it."

"I came back again!"

"Yeah and ruined Rachel's new bathroom."

"Can we please not remind me about that when I'm literally going into the lion's den in less than five minutes?"

She sniggered, opening the door and trying not to reach for his hand- it was almost instinctual- god _damn _he was getting under her skin. Before shoving her own hands deep into her pockets protectively instead. Lucas was doing the same thing, his own hands balled into fists before disappearing into his jean pockets.

"Oh come on," she rolled her eyes again and ignoring her previous reluctance she reached out and grabbed his arm, "she's not going to eat you."

"Couldn't we just stay in your _oh so cosy and warm _kitchen? The lasagne might burn."

"We are not eating lasagne tonight," she said firmly, "you can do it another night."

Lucas stopped in the middle of the road- thank god it was a quiet neighbourhood because for an army kid he really wasn't that smart about road safety- and she turned back slowly to look at him.

"What?"

"We will?"

"Will what?"

He smiled softly, "do the lasagne another night."

"Uh," she looked down at her feet and when she looked back up she realised he was a whole lot closer, "um, yeah, I mean if you survive Rachel-"

"-oh come on!"

"If you survive then- uh- when we can we do dinner a couple of nights a week, you could come-"

"You guys really do spend too much time together."

"Look do you want an invite or not?"

He grinned suddenly, wide and unguarded, "you know I can come round without a chaperone- so long as you can promise to control yourself."

She scoffed and turned back towards the opposite side of the street, "yeah that's totally the problem."

"I can see it in your eyes," he said loftily, "you want to kiss me just as much as I want to kiss you."

Her mouth went dry and she tried to think of an argument for what he'd said- when she couldn't she just exhaled crossly and knocked on Nathan and Rachel's green door. "Shut up."

"You know you want me," he murmured.

"Would you stop! Lord save me."

As if Rachel was reading her mind the door flew open and her best friend appeared, her eyes going from delighted to see Peyton to intense dislike when she noticed Lucas, attempting to _hide_ behind Peyton.

"Oh brother," Peyton sighed, "hey sweetie, I've brought you an early Christmas present."

"Are you going to string and quarter him on my front drive? Because if you are I'm going to get popcorn." Rachel leant against the door frame and glared at Lucas, "I always enjoy a salty snack when I'm watching violence happen to people I loathe."

Lucas scowled and moved in front of Peyton, "look I get it ok? You think I'm a douche."

"Not quite the word I'd use to describe you, Satan's whore? Satan himself?"

"Funny that's generally how I describe you."

Peyton elbowed Lucas in the stomach and he groaned before straightening up, "shit ok that was out of line."

"You lost sight of that line about eight years ago Lucas."

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, Peyton moved a tiny bit closer to him, praying he wasn't about to screw this up for the last time.

"So what's up dear brother in law? Come to chat about the weather? Or to blame me for the death of someone else you haven't seen in a decade?"

"Who's at the door Rach?" Nathan appeared; his tie askew and his hair pushed at all angels as if he'd been running his fingers through it a _lot_ recently. He scanned the porch and his face darkened, one arm moving to wrap around his wife's waist, "Peyton what the hell?"

"Yeah apparently this was my good deed for the night; it's not going so well," she muttered.

"Alright," Lucas held up his hands and stepped between them all. He seemed to be steeling himself and when he looked up he took a deep breath; "I fucked up ok? I fucked up leaving you Nate and I fucked up every time I came home and- and every time I _didn't_. And I'm _sorry_. I'm sorry for the stupid postcard that obviously made things worse and I'm sorry I couldn't fix dad sooner and god I'm even sorry about the bathroom Rachel- even though I really don't remember what I did in there- I'm sure you have pictures you can show me later. But most of all," he paused, exhaling hard as he looked straight at his brother, "I'm sorry for not giving you the respect you deserved dealing with our family for all those years I wasn't there. I'm sorry I didn't come to your wedding and I'm sorry- I'm just sorry ok? I was a stupid kid and I couldn't handle dad anymore and I figured you were ready and that you didn't _need_ me anymore and look at you! You really didn't anyway. You've turned out pretty damn good Nate, you got an awesome job, a shit hot wife and a freaking brilliant group of friends that would walk through fire for you and- and it's not an excuse I know- I should _never_ have left. But now I'm here." He straightened his shoulders, "and I'm not going anywhere... Unless you kill me," he added, glancing nervously at Rachel.

There was a long moment of silence where Lucas stood, breathing heavily and Rachel and Nathan stood stock still, staring at him incredulously. Peyton didn't know what to do- was Nathan going to punch him- oh god was Rachel going to castrate him?

Before she knew what was happening Nathan launched himself off the door and shit he was going to-

Hug Lucas.

Like a bone crunching, rib cracking hug.

Lucas staggered under the weight for a moment and then threw his arms around his little brother and hugged him back. Peyton watched in complete amazement and ok so it had to be raining because her face was wet. She glanced at Rachel who still looked a little shocked by the sudden apologies and declarations of brotherly love or whatever it had been.

"Never stopped needing you big brother," Nathan mumbled into his brother's shoulder.

Lucas let out a small noise, tightening his grip for a moment before pulling away, clutching at the back of Nathan's neck, "I'm only gonna say this once because I'm about to burst into flames with all of this emotional crap but I am _so _proud of you Nate."

Nathan laughed shortly and gripped Lucas's arm, "you didn't turn out so bad yourself Luke."

They beamed at one another for about ten seconds before they seemed to remember where they were and they both turned to look sheepishly at the girls on the porch. Peyton raised an amused eyebrow at them and Nathan laughed again, shrugging before glancing at his wife with the same nervous expression Lucas had.

And oh yeah, Peyton hadn't thought that maybe she wasn't going to forgive and forget like Nathan had clearly been waiting to do for years. This could actually still go wrong.

Rachel sniffed, her eyes fixed on Lucas, "so you think I'm hot?"

Nathan snorted and Lucas flushed bright red, "why the fuck is that the only thing you have to say to me pouring all my shit out on you Gattina?"

The red head shrugged, "I'm satan- I don't do emotional scenes remember? I don't cry and I don't like talking about my feelings and-" before she could finish she suddenly burst into tears and sat down on the steps of the porch, "and I don't care!" She finished finally.

"Aw baby," Nathan sat down beside her, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing the top of her head, "it's ok."

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is. We're ok."

"Oh god Nathan I'm just- I'm so happy for you," she gasped out between sobs, "I'm so glad your stupid brother-"

"-hey!"

"Finally got his act together and you-" she pointed at Peyton, "you are evil for doing this to me! Oh crap I can't believe I'm crying on my porch!".

Lucas chuckled, "I do it all the time." He stopped smiling and stepped forward hesitantly, "Rach- look I- I meant it all ok? And I'm sorry I made you cry, in front of people but-"

"Shut _up_!"

He held up his hands awkwardly and glanced at Peyton desperately, "what do I do?" He mouthed at her.

She shook her head, "nothing," she mouthed back. It was better to let Rachel be for a moment. She moved to sit down on the other side of the porch and rubbed Rachel's back. "It's ok," she whispered.

"I _know_! God all of you shut up for a minute please!" Rachel hiccoughed suddenly and buried her head in Nathan's chest, "oh I _hate _you," she groaned.

Peyton was kind of afraid to ask who she was referring to.

Finally Rachel lifted her eyes to look at Lucas and after hiccoughing again and taking a deep breath she nodded, swallowing slowly, "I forgive you."

Lucas blinked in surprise, his face going slack in surprise, "you do? Just like that?"

She sighed, standing finally, "I'm tired Lucas. I'm emotional, I'm pregnant and I'm kind of in the forgiving mood- don't question it ok? Jackass."

Before Lucas could say anything Peyton shrieked and Nathan stood up and almost hit his head on the door, "wait what?"

"Did I not mention it?" She blinked, turning to look at her husband, "oh- yeah," suddenly she smiled brilliantly, "I found out this morning."

"Holy shit!"

It was one of those moments when Peyton couldn't actually be any happier- it didn't happen often- that pure joy you get when for one moment everything is so _so_ perfect and you don't need music or ice cream or Matt Bomer smiling charmingly at you from across a nurse's desk- you're just so freaking happy because the people you love most in the world are happy and suddenly you're hugging them and they're hugging you...

And yeah. There was more hugging than she'd ever done in less than three minutes without Journey playing or Brooke around.

"You're gonna be an uncle!" Nathan said gleefully, pulling away from their little group to ruffle Lucas's hair.

"You're gonna be a freaking dad!"

"Screw you guys," Peyton interrupted, "this is about us- Sawyer and Gattina- we're gonna have a _baby_!"

"Hell yeah we are," Rachel cried, beaming at her and squeezing her hand tightly, "you're gonna be an aunt!"

"I am! You're gonna be a mom!"

"I know!"

"Yeah a scary one."

"Shut up Lucas!"

Nathan shushed them all and drew them back together.

"Yeah I could not have predicted this evening going down this way," Lucas murmured finally as they all huddled around Rachel.

"You need a little more optimism in your life," Peyton retorted.

Lucas snorted and then his eyes softened as he looked over at her, "maybe yeah."

And ok fuck it, she was probably going to kiss him soon. But not right now. She suspected that would be _waaaay_ too _Faithfully_ for her liking.

**Ok so I made it happy. I hope it was ok. It won't all be sunshines and rainbows but I really wanted to fix Lucas and Nathan- if only just a little bit- and the pregnancy thing just sort of happened along the way! I am SO sorry for the delay but I'm already way into Chapter 10 so hopefully there will be more soon.**


	10. That Corner Of Your Heart Is For Me

**A/N: I wanted to apologise for people not receiving proper replies to reviews- for some reason I haven't been being alerted to them (BFF IRL informed me she had been reviewing some stuff and I was like say what? So I had double checked and I had reviews but no alerts)… LONG STORY SHORT, thank you all and I'm glad you guys have stuck with me. I'm also kind of psyched because I never thought this story would take v well (especially with the Rathan so thanks guys, seriously)**

So the thing is, Lucas isn't really used to getting what he wants. He's always had a way with the ladies sure but in the long haul not much joy has fallen straight into his lap. So although it's awesome and brilliant and he's discovered Nathan is the only person ever to be able to kick his ass at pool- Lucas taught him well- and Brooke seems to think he's some sort of go-to style guru because she keeps shoving fluffy white dress samples at him and asking for his opinion, it didn't feel real. It felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And sure not everything had changed, if anything Rachel's pregnancy hormones have made her more likely to yell at him- like right now- she was shouting at him for taking the last piece of chocolate cake the cafeteria had. And seriously everyone in the room was staring at him like he was the freaking _devil_ or something.

"Rach!" He interrupted her and pushed the plate across the table, "have it!"

She hiccoughed and then broke out into a sunny smile, "oh Lucas thank you, you are just the sweetest."

He decided not to ask her to repeat that for his camera and let her eat in peace. Halfway through she dropped her fork and pulled a face, "oh my god did I just say that to you?"

Lucas grinned, "yup. I was touched."

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" She announced before dashing from the room.

"More cake for me," he murmured, pulling the delicious cake back across to its rightful owner.

"Did you just make Rachel hurl on purpose for cake?"

He choked on the piece in his mouth and lifted his eyes to scowl at Peyton, "mfno!"

Fortunately she was smiling and she sat down in the seat previously occupied by her best friend, "kinda seems like you did."

"It's good cake man, waste not want not."

"You're right," she said easily before literally taking his fork and helping herself.

He would say something but Peyton Sawyer was being freaking nice to him and he really didn't want to send _her_ running to the bathroom.

That was the other thing. The big thing that had him on edge. Over a month had gone by and he still hadn't managed to make her look like she wanted to push him off the roof. Yeah there were still times when she got in his face and yelled at him about decisions he made that were technically hers to make but hey- he's never been a guy who followed the rules and he can't change now- mostly it's because she looks fucking awesome all in her element chewing him out about something.

But seriously, it's kind of stressing him out how well they're getting along.

This would be where Nathan laughs his ass off at the irony.

"You need something Doctor Sawyer?" He drawled easily, rocking back in chair.

Peyton rolled her eyes and jabbed at his knee with _his_ fork, "actually I wanted to ask-"

"Peyton," both of them look up with equal distaste on their faces as Julian smiles down at them, "do you have a minute?"

"Does it have to be now?"

Lucas had to admit, it made him feel kind of smug not to have the pure venom in her eyes not directed at him for once.

"Unless you're free later?"

"No," she said shortly, "I'm not."

"Ahh, busy _socializing_ tonight?" Julian flicked his eyes over Lucas was amused disdain and Lucas reminded himself that punching the dude wouldn't impress Peyton; it would make her yell at him for damaging his hand.

"Not really," Peyton said sweetly, "more, washing of my hair, mopping my kitchen floor, sticking needles in my eyes if it means I don't have to spend more time with you."

To his credit Julian didn't even seem ruffled and Lucas had to find out what his secret was for letting poisonous shots like that roll right off his back, "yeah fantastic- don't make yourself blind or anything though- be a shame if anything were to happen to those eyes of yours."

Peyton clenched her teeth together, "what do you want Julian?"

"I want to run a clinical trial with a patient of yours-"

"No," Peyton cut in before he could finish.

"You haven't heard my proposal."

"You're right but the answer is still no."

"It's for Jason Skyes."

Something in Peyton's jaw twitched and Lucas braced himself to jump up and pull her away if he needed to.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you anywhere near Jason."

Julian's smile darkened somewhat and he shrugged, "I've already cleared it with Robbins."

"Robbins is an idiot," Peyton spat out, "and she doesn't have rank over me. If I say no it's no."

"I'll pull seniority if I need to Peyton, this was just a courtesy request."

She stood up, her chair screeching across the linoleum floor and Lucas pushed his cake plate away to stand too; she looked like she was about to maul Julian.

"Fortunately for the children of this hospital I have the last say in cases like Jason's."

"Maybe but I've got permission to take it to the parents and that you can't stop me from doing. Read the damn file Peyton," Julian dropped it in front of her on the table, "it's the best option the kid has."

"There's always a better option than screwing with his brain Julian."

"His brain's already screwed."

There wasn't even a second's pause between the end of Julian's sentence and Lucas sensing he needed to catch Peyton's arm as it swept back, "don't," he murmured.

"What and you wouldn't?" Her eyes flashed as she turned to look at him and he was yet again impressed by the passion raging in them.

"But I'm stupid."

She wrenched her arm away, shoving the file back at Julian and shaking her head as she backed away, "there's not a chance in hell this is happening Julian- you forget how long I've known you and what you're capable of. I'll fight you every step of the way if I have to." And then she stormed from the cafeteria, the door crashing into the wall with a dramatic bang as she left. He had to give it to her, she knew how to do the awesome entrances and exits.

He glanced back at Julian who, for the first time Lucas had ever seen, was displaying signs of irritation, "could you please see that Doctor Sawyer gets this?"

Julian held the file out to him but Lucas shook his head, "no way man, I'm not forcing something on her she doesn't agree with; this is your shit, don't make me your errand boy."

Suddenly Julian was in his personal space and Lucas raised an eyebrow amused, like this scrawny kid could take him. "Look I don't know who you think you are but I've been working at this hospital for nearly a decade, I've known Peyton for just as long and if you think you're her little favourite now just wait till her expectations get too high for you, you fall short and then she'll fuck you over like a rag. Do yourself a favour and pick the right team here Scott, give her the damn file."

Lucas leaned in even closer and watched as Julian's eyes clouded with surprise and yup, definitely a little bit of fear before he backed off slightly, "I'll tell you what man, why don't you try and do _yourself_ a favour and back the hell off? I'm pretty sure of the two of us, I'm not the one who'll come off worse here."

Julian narrowed his eyes, "I want this trial to happen Scott; you might as well get princess back there to accept it."

"_Princess_?"

"Luke!" They were broken apart by Chris flinging an arm over his shoulder and squeezing way too tightly as he tugged Lucas back a handful of steps, "sorry I'm late for our _lunch_ bro- let's go now ok?"

"Yeah," Julian scoffed, "leave with your girlfriend Lucas."

He twisted out from under Chris's arm and turned back, "oh a joke about Chris being my girlfriend? Dude you can't get more lame than that. Also, for crying out loud, you're thirty something, wearing a doctor's coat and you're supposed to be saving lives, grow the hell up and learn about how to treat the people you work with right!"

"Is that supposed to be ironic coming from you?"

He shook his head, "I'm a quick learner man, you say you've worked with these people for ten years? I'd say you haven't learnt how to show respect to a single one of them."

Chris's eyes were as wide as saucers as he followed Lucas out of the room, "ok I don't know what I missed but I am so pissed at the guy who fell on a saw and cut his arm off right now because damn that looked awesome!"

He rolled his eyes and leant against the wall briefly, trying to compose himself, "I shouldn't have lost it like that."

"What are you kidding me? Julian treats everyone around here like crap, it's about time someone got all badass on him and told him to go fuck himself."

Lucas couldn't help but chuckle, "so why haven't you?"

"Have you _seen _me? He'd snap me like a twig! Chris Keller is way too pretty to get his brain chopped up and thrown in a dumpster."

"You realise when you refer to yourself in the third person like that, it makes you sound lame right?"

"It makes me sound cool bro," Chris retorted airily, pulling out his phone- no doubt to twee the entire hospital about what he'd just witnessed, "you just wish you could do the same."

"Two minutes ago you were calling me a badass!"

"I'm over it, move with the times newbie!"

Chris flashed him a wide smile and disappeared down the stairs, Lucas rolled his eyes, still grinning and then ran a hand over his face. In every conversation he and Peyton had shared over the last few months Julian's name had come up once, maybe twice, and even then it was in passing and to do with a procedure. She had never revealed anything about their personal history and if it had itched under his skin before, now he was burning to know what the hell had happened between them.

He could see why she was against a risky trial, especially for one of her kids; hell he'd learnt damn early how protective she was of them. But he knew a fair bit about people, and about their reactions to things and this one? Peyton had kinda blown out of the water a little bit.

* * *

The wind bit at his face as he pushed open the door to the roof and he exhaled with some relief when he saw Peyton leaning on the railings on the far side.

"Don't do it!" He called, smiling crookedly as she turned round.

He could see her rolling her eyes from across the concrete and he shoved his hands into his pockets as he made his way over to her. She crossed her arms as he got closer and he decided to keep some distance between them, just in case she wasn't ready for contact, "you ok?"

She sighed, picking at the paint on the railing, "not so much; was I really bad?"

"What? No! You were fucking awesome."

"Luke!"

He laughed, "I'm serious."

"That's what I'm worried about!" She turned back to look over the edge and he took a chance, moving to lean right next to her. They were silent for a second and he watched the wind whip her hair around her face, a frown darkening it.

"I wasn't over reacting you know," she said finally.

"Ok."

"I wasn't!"

"I believe you." She was actually pouting as she tried to glare at him and he grinned, "you don't scare me anymore Sawyer."

"What? Why not?"

"I got immunity- you were mean to me for a _long_ time- I can take it now."

"But I'm _still_ mean to you."

"Yeah but I'm used to it."

She bit her lip, "really? That makes me sound like a bitch."

He shrugged, "I know different."

"You sure about that?"

"Oh man you know you can't let one jackass mess with your head like this. The Peyton I know wouldn't care even if everyone in the freaking _hospital_ thought she was a bitch."

She smiled faintly, "I'm having an off day I guess. I just, I remember what I was like back then- what he was like… And I don't think straight."

"You were together," he said in a strangled kind of voice, clearing his throat immediately and wincing, he wasn't sure if he _wanted_ to know the details now they were heading that way.

"Yeah," she said softly, "and he was... God he was an arrogant bastard even back then."

"So you've got a type," he said grinning, trying to break the mood.

It worked for a second as she rolled her eyes at him, clearly trying not to smile back. Then her face clouded again and she sighed, staring at nothing.

"We had this patient, he was sixteen, and- and Julian thought he could handle him. This kid, he crashed like that," she snapped her fingers, "and it was just me and Julian in this room, four in the morning and I told him we needed help, but he wouldn't listen! He was so certain he knew what he was doing. But he had no idea. He screwed up and this poor kid, this _kid_ Luke. He didn't even get a freaking chance to _live_, because Julian thought he was god."

"So how did Julian stay on the program?"

She shrugged, "Bryant said it was his fault; that he'd given Julian too much freedom too soon. But I _knew_, I knew I should have gone and got help."

"You couldn't have predicted how it was going to go down. You can't control someone else's decisions like that."

"I should have though, I should have trusted my own instincts and known Julian was in over his head. But I- I had faith in him I guess."

It explained why Peyton had flown off the handle at him the first night he'd let Blake deal with the central line- she couldn't bare it when kids were put in danger without experienced physicians _right_ there- and he could understand that.

"I'm sorry."

"You weren't there; it's not your fault."

"No I mean with Blake, when you know- that night- shit if I had known-"

"It's a teaching hospital Lucas; interns need to learn. I should have handled that differently."

"But you like to keep a close eye on them- _I _should have respected that."

"_I've_ learnt the hard way. I'm probably overzealous with what I do and don't let my students learn. It's why I don't have them often; I can't handle keeping an eye on them twenty four seven, worrying about what they might be doing by themselves in _my_ patient's rooms."

"It just means you care Peyton; it means you're a damn good doctor."

She snorted, "but what if I'm using this? What if by not getting past what happened a freaking decade ago, I'm not giving Jason a chance?"

"He's _your_ patient, _you _know what's best for him."

"Yeah but what if I don't? What if by not letting Julian try, to do what he does best and take a risk, I don't give Jason the best hope he's got?"

There was absolutely no way he could give her the answer she was looking for, no-one could make this call but Peyton.

"I don't know Peyton," he said finally, "I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you."

Her eyes met his and she stared at him for a moment, he felt like his skin was on fire with the scrutiny and he had to resist squirming under the intensity, then she smiled, a barley there quirk of her lips and said, "you're doing ok so far."

He wondered whether it would be inappropriate to ask her to repeat that. What was with all the women in his life suddenly saying nice things to him when he wasn't prepared?

Without another word he straightened up and tugged her close, pulling her into a hug. She seemed to stiffen for a second and he wondered if he'd overstepped and then _finally_, she wrapped her arms around his back.

"So are you," he said quietly into her hair and seriously, she had such gorgeous hair and up close it even smelled gorgeous, "even if you think you're having a bad day. You're still gonna do the right thing."

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him, "I hate to sound cliché Luke, but how the hell do I know what that is?"

He shrugged, chuckling, "trust yourself I guess. Do what I did with Nate last month and rip the band aid off- if you think the trial will help Jason then put the stuff with Julian where it belongs, in the past. But if you think it's not what's gonna be best for him then say no, fight like you said you would and- and I'll have your back either way ok?"

She tilted her head to one side, considering him again, "Lucas Scott, being a softy and a good person, who knew."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "shut up," and before she could protest he pulled her back into a hug. Just you know, to keep warm on the roof.

He didn't take her hand as they moved back across the roof but he sure as hell wanted to. It was like the other shoe had dropped but it wasn't where he was expecting it to be. He had no idea what box he and Peyton fit into now. Were they friends? Were they more than that? Were they just colleagues who hugged?

Would she start dating Julian again if they worked together? Would Rachel help him kill Julian if that happened?

If it wouldn't be fairly insensitive considering her current state of mind he'd stop and ask her to break it down for him but he suspected she had enough on her plate right now.

"Hey," he said suddenly, remembering their conversation before Julian had sauntered up and ruined a perfectly good cake eating session, "what were you gonna ask me earlier?"

"Oh-" before she could say anything else he stopped dead as they turned the corner towards the nurse's desk. "Luke?"

Peyton was frowning and waving a hand in front of his face but he couldn't move.

"Luke, you're freaking me out, why have you gone a weird colour?"

"Peyton," he managed finally, "is there a guy, about six two with dark hair over by the nurse's station or am I hallucinating?"

He could feel her turning round but he couldn't glance down at her, he couldn't take his eyes off the man in the uniform talking to Brooke.

"Yeah," Peyton confirmed, her voice quiet as if she knew why Lucas was freaking out, "he's here to talk to you right?"

As if to leave no doubt his pager buzzed and he finally snapped out of his daze to look down and see Brooke had paged him to inform him he had a visitor.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, "fuck me."

Peyton touched his arm, "you ok?"

"I- no. I gotta go." Before she could stop him he turned on his heel and strode towards the nearest elevator, stepping inside and pressing for the top floor, there was no _way _he could be here right now.


	11. Lower Your Guard

**a/n: after this i promise there will be no more angst! baha well, there will be significantly less! i hope.**

**disclaimer: i don't own anything.**

To date, between them, Peyton and Rachel have had three slumber parties that ended with a different girl crying and never coming over again; two dissertation crises; one pregnancy scare; one _actual_ pregnancy; two weddings; one marriage; one bachelorette party; four dogs; eight spiders (Rachel had a weird fascination in college that Peyton still has nightmares about); three cars; ninety eight different love affairs, one night stands, boyfriends and of course one husband; thirteen major breakdowns and a shit ton of evenings spent crying at the end of _Wall-E_.

Peyton couldn't imagine her life without her best friend. She couldn't imagine a day without talking to her, without collapsing on a sofa somewhere and telling her the most random things, fighting about whether they were both eating enough or taking on too many cases, laughing incessantly as Chris once again forgot his code to the attending's lounge and had to wait outside until they were kind enough to let him in.

If anything ever happened to Rachel, if she ever _lost_ her, she's willing to bet she'd fall apart.

But Lucas. He'd covered it all up. He was cocky and he mocked her and yeah he'd done some awesome soul searching with the whole re-bonding thing with Nathan and actually trying to be _nice_ to Rachel but the life he left behind- he never talked about it. Somehow over the months it had almost slipped her mind he'd ever been somewhere else. Somewhere you didn't just see patients die in front of you, you saw colleagues, friends, lovers even, die right there in the sand at your feet.

She's known loss; felt it over the passing of her mother, her father vanishing, patients she's cared for going too soon. She won't compare it to anyone else's experience but honestly, what she said to Lucas all those months ago was true; she didn't have daddy issues anymore, she _dealt_ with them.

She misses her mom, misses the woman who hummed while she brushed her hair and fed her soup when she was sick; but her passing was more than two decades ago and when she thinks of her mother it doesn't burn a hole in her chest anymore. Her heart isn't broken.

But if Rachel… Yeah… She can't imagine it. _Won't_.

The **plan** is to live till one hundred and get the bus every day, stretching out and taking up two seats each because they're "elderly" whilst throwing sweets at the back of Nathan's head as he tries to read the paper and pretends not to know the two crazy women cackling behind him; to have dinner parties and promise they won't talk about cases and then break before the starter while Nathan sighs and apologizes to any non-medical fools who dared join them expecting anything less; to sing every Bon Jovi song in the karaoke book and then get started on Aerosmith; to get told to leave the OR by a terrified looking intern because they _technically_ retired five years ago but the Sawyer and Gattina legend is so strong no-one really wants to remind them that they're seventy five and supposed to be knitting for grandkids. The **plan** is not to go _anywhere_ before that. So far Rachel's kept the unspoken promise not to kick it before Peyton lets her.

But Lucas. Lucas had lost someone. Someone he had loved the way Peyton loved her best friend. The grief in his eyes had surged through unguarded as they stepped onto the floor and the man in the uniform had turned to look at them.

And then the way he had fled, practically setting fire to the elevator to get the hell out of there, she knew just as she would be completely unable to do, he hadn't really accepted his own loss.

She exhaled hard as the elevator doors closed on Lucas's agonized face and then turned to smile awkwardly at the gentleman still frowning after Lucas.

"Hi there," she stepped forward, "Doctor Scott was just paged. I'm Doctor Sawyer," she stuck her hand out, "is there something I can do for you?"

"Pleasure ma'am, Colonel James Fray at your service and thank you kindly but I'm here to see Lucas. When he's ready of course."

She withdrew her hand, "I'm not sure when that'll be."

He met her eyes as if he knew _exactly_ what she really meant, that she had followed exactly what _he_ had really meant and smiled faintly, "you know Lucas well?"

"I-" she hesitated, "I know him as well as he'll let anyone."

The Colonel nodded his head as if she was confirming something for him, "that's Lucas for you."

"So you worked with him? Were you- are you his boss?"

"Lucas was one of my boys yes, our unit was together for eleven years."

"Wow so," she swallowed, "that's a long time to work together." As she said the words she noticed Chris walking across the reception area and she rolled her eyes, yeah ok so maybe she'd feel kinda sad if Chris died too. He didn't have to make her think it or anything, jesus.

Colonel Fray smiled softly, "yes, it was. We've been through a lot together." His eyes went distant and she guessed he was thinking about just how much they'd all been through together.

She swallowed, "when he's free I'll make sure he comes down to talk to you."

"Thank you ma'am, that would be appreciated."

Nodding awkwardly she turned and headed towards the elevator; she imagined Lucas had gone off to hide somewhere and hey she recognized that particular urge but was also well aware that if Rachel had let her bury her head in the sand for years and refuse to face her own issues then she wouldn't be the person she was today.

As if reading her mind Rachel was inside the elevator as the doors pinged open and she looked up and frowned at the massively fond look her best friend was giving her, "what did you do?" She asked suspiciously.

"What?"

"You're looking at me funny," Rachel flicked a hand at her, "it's weirding me out, what did you do that means you need me on your side?"

"Nothing! I just love you is all."

Rachel narrowed her eyes, "are you high?"

"No! Why would I be high? When have you ever seen me high?"

"Hey there's a first time for everything."

Peyton scowled, "fine, you can forget me ever telling you anything nice ever again."

"Oh honey I'm sorry," Rachel's eyes suddenly filled with tears, "you know I love you too, you're my soul twin!"

And suddenly she threw her arms around Peyton's neck, "oof, oh Rach!"

"I don't mean to be horrible I promise, I'll be nice."

"Oh god," Peyton wrinkled up her nose and disentangled herself from the red head, "don't do that, it'd be weird after twenty years."

Rachel snorted and then choked a little, searching her pockets for a tissue, Peyton passed her one wordlessly.

"Thanks," she wiped her eyes, composing herself, "goddamn these pregnancy hormones have got me all over the place." She flicked her gaze to Peyton, "what the hell were you thinking launching an emotional attack on me in the elevator?"

Peyton sighed and shot her a sheepish look, "sorry, it's just- Luke's commander or whatever he is, he's in the lobby."

Rachel exhaled hard, "wow, and Lucas is?"

"MIA."

"Did he see him?"

"Yeah and he freaked out and disappeared and I don't know- it just got me thinking you know, something happened over there that he won't talk about and I just- it must have been bad you know? Even their colonel seems sad. It's like, they must have lost someone, or more than one person and- I can't imagine ever losing you guys."

Her friend's eyes welled up again, "_Peyton_!"

"I'm sorry!"

"God you should be." Rachel scrubbed her face quickly, "you realise I just wasted about five dollars worth of perfectly good mascara there."

"You don't need it anyway," Peyton said fondly.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "please, I feel like shit, the best I can do is try and convince everybody else I don't look it too." She took a breath, "for what it's worth, these few months here- I think- I think they've really helped him. He used to be so, _so_ angry and all over the place but you- you've helped him the most."

"But I haven't done anything!"

"Um, he and Nathan would still be snarking at each other in corridors if it wasn't for you intervening last month."

"Don't you mean _you _and Lucas would be snarking and Nathan would just be pouting somewhere?"

"That seems more probable yes, either way sweetie, you did something really good there. I think he would have fallen apart without you."

Peyton could feel her heart pounding suddenly and she shook her head, "I don't know about that-"

"God damn Peyton would you just accept that some people love and need you just as much as you love and need them! I'd probably be in a silver string bikini, drunk off my ass with my face in a plant pot if it wasn't for you!"

"Well that's just not true; you'd never wear a _silver_ bikini or get drunk and go to sleep in a plant pot. We didn't even have plants in our place at college."

Rachel sighed, rolling her eyes, "none the less, you know what I mean."

"Yeah," Peyton nudged her as the elevator stopped on their floor, "right back at you."

"Yeah yeah it's all rainbows and sunshine and we're all happy and gay, ugh someone give me a scalpel before my head explodes with all this bonding we're doing."

As if on cue Brooke appeared looking stressed, her hair sticking up at all angles and her nursing scrubs covered in blood, "Rachel, Peyton, thank god come on- mass casualty- school bus lost control and hit a diner. We've got more than two dozen coming in."

Their smiles snapped away in favour of hair being pulled back and another nurse appeared to take their files away.

"Talk to me," Peyton demanded as she stepped out onto the ambulance bay as an EMT pulled out a stretcher.

"Kaylie Brennan, thirteen, down and unresponsive at the scene, open tib fib-"

"Alright trauma one, get Keller down here and why wasn't I paged about this sooner?"

"It happened about twelve minutes ago!"

"-Lloyd Banks, fourteen, awake with fracture to the right arm, abdominal pain, shock and pulse is thready-"

"Trauma two, I'll follow on, who else is on call?"

"Benton and Scott."

"Page them both, again and again if you need to."

"-couldn't identify at the scene, someone needs to call a time-"

"-Bryan Kanber, twelve, was responsive but we lost him on the way over-"

"Get him in trauma three and where the hell are my interns?"

The next hour was a rush of traumas, blood, cutting and sewing. It was the stuff Peyton thrived on. It wasn't all that often that she ended up in the ER, normally she dealt with patients in cool, clean operating theatres but when there was something big like this, there was nobody better to handle the situation than Peyton with her clear headed thinking and calm instructions.

"She's going into cardiac arrest Doctor Sawyer."

"Did somebody check her ABC's already?"

"Yes Doctor Lively's in there."

"Ok," she finished an intubation and stood up, whipping off her gloves and reaching for another set before pushing through the doors separating the trauma rooms, "what's going on Lively?"

"I can't find a cause."

"Exposure?"

"No nothing."

"IV in?"

"Five minutes ago Doctor Sawyer."

"10 milligrams of morphine, take over compressions Doctor Crawford."

She fixed her eyes on Blake, "think about the history, was there anything indicating why she'd be in cardiac arrest?"

Blake's eyes were wide and panicky and Peyton snapped her fingers, "hey, Doctor Lively, look at me and take a breath. Good. Now what's her blood glucose?"

"Normal, everything's normal Doctor Sawyer."

Rachel burst into the room, pulling on gloves," sorry about that, my last one kept trying to bleed out. Talk to me."

As soon as Peyton turned back to the table Blake slipped from the room and she turned back in surprise, "hey, Doctor Lively! Rach, normal blood glucose, she's had asprin and GTN, oxygen, systolic blood pressure's just over ninety."

"Shockable rhythm?"

Doctor Crawford pulled away, "yeah now, do it now, now!"

There was a pause as they all stepped away from the table while Rachel shocked the patient and for a second there was nothing, "continue your compressions Crawford. Now again, clear."

Peyton held her breath, this kid hadn't even had a chance to start living yet, she hadn't found her calling in life, hadn't forged any bonds, had her heart broken-

"We've got a pulse."

She exhaled hard, "Rach you go this?"

"Uh huh- you go see what's up with goldilocks."

Peyton rolled her eyes, tugging off her gown before nodding at Chase, "you did good."

"Thanks," he said breathlessly, "she gonna live?"

"Should do, Doctor Gattina's the best."

"Yeah I know," he said, gazing after Rachel.

Peyton smirked, "sorry kid, you've got less of a chance with her than you do with just about anybody in the hospital."

"What? No I-"

"Save it for someone who wants to hear all about your teen angst kid," she said grinning and disappearing down the corridor.

* * *

She found Blake sitting in the library, staring sightlessly at the book unopened in front of her. For a moment Peyton was sharply reminded of herself, twenty two and dealing with the first time she'd ever been told to give a family bad news. At the time she'd been convinced it would be easy, be something else she could add to her checklist of other tasks she was flying through. Medical school and its trials had come easily to her with her ability to compartmentalize the trauma and the blood and focus on the task at hand, she knew she'd be graduating top three of her year already and yet- the moment she'd walked into that waiting room something had come crumbling down. There had been no words for over twenty seconds. She'd just… completely lost the ability to form a sentence in the face of such obvious grief. Fortunately she'd already been placed under Cabot's watchful eye and her mentor had nudged her gently, making sure Peyton knew she was there but that she wasn't going to be doing the talking for her. Peyton had found her voice in the end and had learnt a powerful lesson in the differences between the clean emotionless lecture theatres and the raw _life_ of an actual hospital.

It appeared Blake was learning a similar lesson.

"They say it's easier to read if you open the book," she said, smiling faintly as she sat down opposite Blake.

The younger blonde huffed out a laugh, lacking much amusement and nodded wordlessly. She didn't move and Peyton sat back, waiting for her to speak, she had time.

Finally Blake dropped her shoulders, "I don't think I'm cut out for this."

Peyton snorted, "everyone thinks that at some point."

"What if I'm right?"

"What if you're wrong?"

They stared at one another across the table and then Blake gave her an inch of a smile, "you don't even like me, why are you bothering?"

"I like you fine," Peyton said shrugging slightly.

"Then-"

"I'm your teacher Doctor Lively, I might not be the one you originally hoped for but I'm the one you've got. And I'm tough; I don't accept anything less than the best and _you_, you would have been gone from my roster months ago if I didn't think you could handle it."

Blake was quiet again and she picked at the table top in a habit so similar to Peyton's own that her hand itched to still the younger doctors. Finally Blake sighed and said so quietly Peyton would have missed it if they weren't in the quiet hush of the library, "every time something goes wrong I panic. I feel like I'm free falling and that if you or Doctor Keller or _whoever_ weren't there then I'd hit the ground and just… _explode_."

Peyton grimaced at the mental imagery and Blake pulled an apologetic face, "you know what I mean." She shook her head, "of course you don't- you walk into a room and you fix _everything_."

Peyton snorted and held up a hand, "I'm gonna stop you right there, listen to me Doctor Lively, nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect, Doctor Gattina isn't and Doctor Keller sure as hell isn't, but we've got experience. I'm not saying I walk into a room and magically make everything better but at the moment we know more than you guys do about how to _try_. The first time I had to deal with a trauma, a big mass casualty trauma, I thought I was going to drown in it, but I didn't; I just kept _moving_. This takes time Blake- and it will come."

Her pager went off and she glanced down at it, "you can get some more of that golden experience right now as there are more vans from the scene arriving."

Blake didn't move as Peyton headed for the door and she turned back, "Doctor Lively, that wasn't a request! Move your butt!"

Startled Blake scrambled to her feet, grabbing her coat, "but-"

Peyton held up a hand, "leave it alone, you're done with the pity party and now it's time to prove you can be the doctor I think you can be."

Man, interns and their teenage issues! She was halfway through that thought when she remembered her current situation with one surgeon missing, one surgeon weeping in elevators, doctors proposing in corridors and lawyers trying out motorbikes and she changed her mind.

Maybe they were all kids still.

* * *

At seven thirty Peyton pulled off her scrub cap and collapsed on the bench in the locker room next to Rachel.

"Being inspiring is _so _not as easy as it looks."

Rachel chuckled and took another sip of milkshake, "what, you mean you didn't immediately strike awe and fear into the hearts of your minions just by walking into the room?"

"D'you know that used to be all it took?"

"You've never scared me that way," Chris chipped in from across the room.

Draping an arm over her eyes Peyton scowled, ignoring him, "Blake had some sort of internal crisis and I had no idea what to say to her."

"Try you're fat and stupid and you'll never get anywhere."

"_Chris_!"

"What?" He shrugged casually as he came to sit next to them, "it always works- makes 'em wanna prove you wrong and then they turn into a fine piece of ass like Gattina here," he gave Rachel a once over, "well- before she got herself knocked up. Ow! Ow!" He fell off the bench as Rachel started thumping him with her free arm, "I was just saying! It was a compliment!"

"Quit breathing my air Keller."

"It was a _compliment_!" He shrieked as she kicked at his writhing body.

"Girls!" Brooke flew into the room looking flustered, wrinkling up her nose, "Chris why are you on the floor?"

"Rachel was beating me Brooke- it was abuse, _abuse _I tell you- ahhh ow stop it!"

Rachel shrugged, "he called me fat."

"I did _not_! I was complimenting your former beauty."

"You're a poor excuse for a human being," Peyton said as she tugged off her scrub top and pulled on the grey dress previously hanging in her locker.

"Hey! I saved like thirteen lives today."

"Regardless."

Chris groaned and rolled away, opening his own locker, "I don't know why I put up with all of you."

"We're your favourites?" Brooke suggested sweetly, "that and none of the other women in the hospital like to talk to you anymore because you leer at them."

"I can't help it if I'm surrounded by beautiful women all day," Chris retorted, pulling on his shirt and fastening his tie. Brooke took over for him and he winced when she squeezed it tightly, "jeez! Damn woman I know you like it rough but-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll set Jakey on you Chris."

"Pshhh that boy loves me," Chris jabbed at his own chest grinning, "best man remember?"

"I still can't believe that; of all the awesome people Jake knows he picks _you_," Peyton grumbled as they left the locker room together, Rachel tugging at her dress. "Leave it alone you look fine."

"I feel fat."

"You're pregnant, it would be weird if you were super skinny still."

"I hate this dress."

Peyton smiled fondly at her and was about to respond when she spotted Colonel Fray still sitting in the waiting area, "hey uh- I'll catch up with you guys ok?"

Brooke pouted, "this is my bachelorette party P Sawyer- the only time _I_ get to boss you guys around!"

"You boss us around all the time!" Chris protested.

"What? No I don't! I lovingly suggest that you could do things slightly differently!"

Peyton left her friends bickering and smiled apologetically at the Colonel as she came over to him, "I take it Lucas hasn't appeared?"

"Not yet ma'am but I'm a patient man!"

"I had no idea you'd been waiting all day, I'm sorry." She sighed, glancing at the clock above the nurse's desk, "you know I think I might know where he is."

"I don't wish to disturb him while he's working."

Peyton scoffed, "I don't think he's working sir. I'll be right back; with one scruffy surgeon in tow."

The Colonel chuckled, "he's lucky to have a wily one like you keeping an eye on him."

"Oh no I don't-" she stopped herself and shrugged, "I try."

* * *

It seemed cliché but she really did know where he'd be and she wasn't surprised to find him sitting with his legs swinging over the roof top and his head hung low.

"We gotta stop meeting like this," she said in amusement as she sat down beside him.

He chuckled mirthlessly, fingers tapping an unknown rhythm on the cigarette box she'd seen so long ago and he'd refused to comment on. She'd had enough of nervous tics for the day however and reached out, stilling his hand but not letting go, "Lucas."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well this is the only place in the hospital you knew only _I_ would find you so you must want something."

"What? I came up here to get some _peace_," he said crossly.

"So? Every time _I _do that _you_ appear, fair's fair Luke."

He shot her an exasperated look, "what do you want Peyton?"

"You know what."

"Nah," he leant backwards, propping himself up on his elbows and squinting at her, "can't say I do."

She sighed, "well there's a nice man in uniform waiting for you in the lobby, he's been waiting all day and I was thinking it was about time you went down there and said hello."

His face darkened, "I don't have anything to say to him."

"Sure you do; hello? How was your flight?"

He shook his head, rolling away from her and standing up, "that's not funny."

"I'm not trying to make a joke of this Luke, I'm trying to get you to go and talk to the man that ran your unit, the man who has known you more than ten years- he knows you better than all of us."

"No he _doesn't_! He doesn't know anything _about_ me! If he did he would have known that the best thing for me to have done when we were in the middle of that damn sand storm was to let me stay, to let me save JB and do my _job_. I should have died with him and Fray wouldn't let me! God damn it!"

And then without warning he threw the battered cigarette carton off the roof.

"Lucas-"

"Oh you think because I've come here and I've solved some shit with Nathan and I've fallen in love with a surgeon who bosses me about and I've got friends who aren't guaranteed to get blown up during a conversation that I'm _fixed_? That I don't think about going back all the time? I think about it every day Peyton. So yeah sure if you want me to go back downstairs and tell my Colonel that sometimes I'm not grateful he dragged me away and that sometimes I think his decisions were wrong then oh yeah I'll go do that."

"Oh shut up!"

He blinked in surprise and she realized she was standing too, her hands balled into fists, "you can't possibly be selfish enough to wish you weren't alive Lucas."

"I-" He stopped and looked away, "no I just- I've rebuilt my _life_ Peyton. I've spent months trying to get over everything but I- I never wanted a civilian life. I never wanted any of it until I met- until I came to this hospital and now Fray's here and he's reminding me of where I _should_ be and it-"

"_This _is where you should be," she said firmly, taking a step towards him, forcing him to meet her eyes.

"But I can't- it makes me feel guilty as hell! I can't go down there and shake his head and agree that everything I did was right or honorable I just- I left. I _ran_."

"You made a change; you're allowed to make changes- people do it every day!"

"But _we _don't! It's one way, the life I chose you live it till you don't anymore. And what right do I have to live a better life when others don't?"

"You do it to honour the people who fought with you. Who wanted a better life for everyone. And I don't think he's here to make you feel guilty Luke- I think he just wants to know how you're doing. And until you see him and speak to him- I think you're always going to be carrying this around with you, and that's not healthy. You wanna be a good brother? A good _uncle_? Then you have to make sure you're not carrying around ghosts."

He was silent for a second and then he exhaled slowly, shaking his head, "man you know it would be so much easier if you didn't talk sense?"

She laughed, "I don't do it on purpose."

"I know," he said softly, his eyes full of something she didn't want to define- especially after he'd thrown around some big statements in his earlier rant. She wasn't sure if it had been an intense, heat of the moment thing or whether he had really meant it but she didn't think now was the time to push it. Even if she _really _kind of wanted to.

"Come on," she said quietly, holding out her hand, "you can't hide up here forever."

"Why not? I've got a great view."

He eyed her up and down smirking and she rolled her eyes, "ok now I know you're fine."

"You're telling me," he said grinning.

"God Chris is rubbing off on you."

"You kidding? I was born this way."

She knew what he was doing and she decided to let it slide, shaking her head fondly at him as they made their way down the stairs. His fingers drummed against the bar in the elevator and she took his hand once again, "it's gonna be fine."

"Yeah but-"

"He didn't fly all this way to make you feel bad Lucas, he obviously cares about you."

He sniggered, "don't say that to his face; it'd make things very awkward."

"What guys can't admit they care about each other now?"

"The _army _honey," he said shooting her a look, "not quite the same thing."

The doors opened before she could respond and he stood rooted to the spot for a moment. She squeezed his hand and then tugged him forward, "come on now soldier boy, walk tall ok?"

He pushed off the wall with a resolute nod and headed out into the lobby. She hung back, watching him stand awkwardly in front of the Colonel for a moment before they shook hands and Fray said something that made Lucas smile, his eyes crinkling up around the corners the way they did when he _really_ smiled. They both moved to sit down in the empty waiting area and she suddenly wished she'd suggested they move somewhere more private as James began opening the package he'd had by his feet all day. Lucas didn't seem fazed by their location however, eyes fixed on whatever was inside and she decided that it wasn't even her place to witness this.

She made her way outside, heading to the back of the building, eyes glued to the ground. She knew Lucas would tell her everything eventually and she knew all of it wouldn't be easy to hear but she'd listen anyway because he would need her too and- oh god she was in love with him too.

It felt like a revelation but she could almost hear Rachel snorting with amusement somewhere saying "_yeah and?"_

Sighing she bent down to retrieve what she'd gone outside to look for and picked up the battered carton, thank god it had fallen this side of the roof instead of onto the main road or another level of the hospital. She didn't know who it belonged to or what it stood for but she knew it was significant to Lucas and that he'd regret throwing it away like that later.

And because she was apparently in love with him she was doing stupid things like going around hunting for old cigarette cartons.

Slightly dazed she stumbled across the road and into the bar where Brooke was dancing on a nearby table and Bevin, _the_ Bevin Mirskey who organized their entire hospital was waving two bottles of Corona around and singing _Hot Stuff _at the top of her lungs. Peyton weaved her way through the crowd, smiling tightly at everyone before relaxing her shoulders as she sat down heavily next to Rachel. Her best friend raised an eyebrow at her windswept appearance and then pulled a face at the gross looking litter she dropped on the table.

Peyton rolled her eyes, "yeah I know." She took a sip of her friend's apple juice, "so apparently I'm in love with Lucas."

Rachel snorted, taking her drink back, "yeah and?"


	12. Carve A Heart Out Of The Dust Yourself

**I APOLOGISE. you know what for. So yeah, no medical fic is complete without a hospital disaster right?**

5am used to be Lucas's favourite time of day. He'd get up with the early birds, appreciate the pale pink sky and treasure the stillness before Dan was awake and banging on his door about whatever his latest problem was. He'd maybe go for a run, shoot some hoops on a broken down court no-one but he and some friends ever used; it was peaceful, his own time.

When he joined up the 5am tradition continued. He got half an hour if he was lucky, time to kill and to breathe, to think about the day ahead or to take in the beautiful skies of wherever they were crashing for the night. JB used to tease him about needing his space. They'd be shooting across the desert, rocking around in the back while Watson drove at breakneck speeds for no reason other than to watch them all wince in pain every time they flew over a sand dune and JB would clutch at his arm shouting, "if you'd spent more time with him he wouldn't be crazy you know. We're all in this marriage together and yet you just can't stand to be around us. Now you'll be sorry!"

At the time it had made him laugh, made him shove at his best friend and threaten to toss him over the side of the truck.

He's sickeningly relieved that the events that led to him fleeing halfway across the world to a hostile brother, a whirlwind life of clean surgery rooms and a green eyed storm, did not destroy what he'll readily admit is his version of magic hour.

You can't argue with his logic, the calm tranquility of being awake before the rest of the world, lying awake and watching someone you love sleep (in a non-creepy way obviously) or just readying yourself for the day.

If JB had died in his arms at five am then the whole in Lucas' chest would have been cut jagged, torn sideways. For months before Peyton, Nathan, Satan and the rest of the crazy group of misfits he feels lucky enough to now call family changed him, he would run with Tex until the day was bright and clear and the memories that had kept his sleep fitful and uncomfortable were blown away with the stars. If he had lost the one tradition he'd kept his whole life along with his best friend then there perhaps would have been no saving him.

Because Lucas is not delusional. He was a mess when he arrived and yeah, small parts of him that brim over on occasion still remain that way, but he dug himself out of the ashes himself.

And then again he knows his situation here has been a huge part in healing that burnt scar on his soul. He's not being poetic or anything, he's never believed in a "deeper meaning" in life to some serious degree but he believes that the people you love mold you on the inside. It's in their gentle touches or hilarious comments, their knowing gazes and sarcastic responses, all of it, wrapping you up and forming that invisible shit that makes you up into a person.

Now he was talking about it, re-living the situation as he sat with the man who led him and inspired him for the very last time- because Lucas knew this was the last time he would see Fray, they will not write, they will not make phone calls; the man in front of him taught him the best lessons of his life but he was a military man through and through. Lucas will not continue down that path. Even if he didn't have the scars on his legs and back where the shrapnel that took out half his convoy cut right through him like knife through butter, his desire to fight in countries unknown without his men, the ones he grew up with, is gone. And Fray knows this as well as Lucas does. He has come, _officially_, to formally discharge his boy. Unofficially he's here because Lucas might had the paper work months ago but Fray was still in Afghanistan on tour and he needed to see the gangly Scott kid one last time before he closed that chapter in his life.

James could tell Lucas would be in good hands. The fire in that pretty little lady's eyes had been enough to make him reconsider his casual, non- defensive stance, and he knew Lucas would be well looked after. The boy had spent half his life looking after others, caring for their wounds and ensuring there was never anything else he could do before letting go of something, or someone, and now he looked tired. He looked drained in a way Fray had never felt about his chosen path in life.

Lucas took a breath finally and on the exhale, sat back, rubbing his face briefly, "is that everything?"

Fray nodded, "you know you didn't have to talk about it again Scott."

"Yeah I know," Lucas' hand twitched towards his pocket and then he pursed his lips and stood up, "I figured if one person in the world really wanted to know what went out there that day, it should be you sir."

But it didn't feel like he'd been torn open. Whether it was because he felt like in the walls of the hospital he was _safe_ or that across the road he knew the rest of his family were waiting he just… he still felt like he could breathe.

"You still doing your work outs at five sharp Scott?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "time kinda goes differently here sir."

The Colonel nodded and carefully patted him on the back, "it doesn't hurt to keep up old traditions you know."

Lucas swallowed, "yeah I do."

"Don't bury it Lucas," Fray said suddenly and Lucas looked up at him sharply, a question in his eyes, "I've lost- I've dealt with loss the way I know how and everyone is different but I do know that if you pretend this chapter in your life never happened-"

"I would never do that," Lucas cut in quickly.

"Son I know that, but don't pretend all that happened was the ending. You boys did a fine job out there, I was proud to watch over all of you- and I will remain proud, of all of you, no matter what you do."

It was like years of scabbed over scars, dusty unfulfilled sentences he'd wished to hear from someone else were suddenly being handed to him on a plate and he couldn't fucking breathe again. As if sensing that he was overwhelmed Fray stood and smiled faintly at him, "it was an honour serving with you Scott."

He scrambled up, eager to at least show something of how grateful he was, "Sir I don't even know where to start saying-"

"Don't then, just keep up the good work." Nodding at the package on the chair behind him Fray began to turn, "you'll be wanting to look through that at some point."

"I will, Colonel I- thank you," he said finally, "you- this saved my life you know?"

"It never needed saving Lucas, it just needed direction, and you went and found a new one all on your own, here. Don't underestimate yourself son- you'll be ok."

And then he was gone. Lucas sat on the crappy plastic chairs for a long time before he could sense feeling returning to his legs.

* * *

"Oh jesus christ I give up!" Lucas tossed the wretched material across the room and kicked at a nearby bin.

Nathan snorted from where he was ensconced on the sofa playing on a ridiculously old looking game boy but made no other move to imply he had even heard his brother's frustration.

Lucas picked up a cushion and aimed it at the loser's head. Nathan ducked easily, smirking but not even glancing in his direction.

"Dude come on, help me out here."

"_Nope_, you said you could do it, you said you were fine. In fact I believe your exact words were," Nathan paused his game, looked up and squinted his eyes until he could barely see before croaking out, "_leave me alone you idiot I can do a tie myself you know_."

"I do _not_ talk like that!"

Nathan considered him for a second and then nodded, returning to his game, "you're right it's more like," he put on a high falsetto, "_oh how I wish I were a real boy_."

The mistake Nathan made here was assuming Lucas wasn't willing to tackle him to the ground in a suit.

"Luke! Luke dammit Rachel's gonna kill me! Oof stop it you jerk off-"

"You started it bitch!"

There was a disappointed sounding beep as their arms and legs flailed around, fighting for dominance on the floor.

"Luke my game! Nooo! I was on level twenty six!" Nathan's hands came up around his neck and Lucas batted at them, trying to save his face from an assault; he remembered Nathan's ability to scratch- _girl_ that he was- "I. Could. Have. Won. The. Title," his brother spat out, banging Luke's head against the wood with each word.

"What the _Pokemon_ player of the year title?" He choked out, squeezing his legs around Nathan's waist and flipping them easily, smirking, "you clearly need to spend more time in the gym and not on stupid dorky game boy- oh jesus god oh," he rolled off to the side, clutching his stomach after a decent punch from Nathan who then tried to take advantage of his moment of weakness by smothering him with a pillow.

"Say that again bitch? Who's the one who was the _badass_ army boy? And you can't even take a civilian? Weak big brother, weak, weak, we-" Lucas shoved his hand up into his brother's face and silenced him while they wrestled for control of the last remaining cushion.

"You suck!"

"You suck _worse_!"

"That's your come back? Don't they teach you trash talk in the army?"

"You've lived with Gatina for ten years don't you have better insults by now?"

"_What_ is going on in here?" They both froze, heads snapping to face the door where Rachel was standing looking extremely pissed off. "Are you two serious? Ten minutes before Brooke's rehearsal dinner and you're on the floor creasing your Armani? Do you want me to go into labour right here you half -witted imbeciles?"

"Sorry," they both mumbled, pulling apart with much elbowing and Lucas sneaking one last jab at Nathan's neck which Rachel spotted and gave him an icy glare. "Peyton's so lucky to have met someone as mature as you."

He scowled, "I really hope the horns sprout after the baby's born; it would be so painful for you otherwise."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him, "are you suggesting my child is going to be born half demon?"

"Yeah maybe even _whole_ if it's evil side eats the good side in utero."

There was a second's pause while Rachel stared at him, looking kind of like she was going to eat on him, then she flounced from the room shouting, "baby you have permission to beat the crap out of him!"

"Alright!" Nathan side tackled Lucas and sent them sprawling to the floor once again, taking advantage of his brother's surprise and squashing his face with one of the disregarded cushions.

Ten minutes later, a pristine looking Rachel with a murderous look on her face, a slightly disheveled looking Nathan and a _much_ more worse for wear Lucas arrived on Peyton's door step. There was the deep thud of music strumming through the walls and Lucas nodded his head in time, he loved Zeppelin.

After a halfhearted attempt at ringing the bell Rachel used her key and let them in, wrinkling her nose up at the smell.

"What the hell?"

Peyton appeared looking slightly harassed and abso-fucking-lutely amazing in a cream and gold dress, waving absently, "hey guys." She seemed to do a double take when she saw Lucas and then smiled nervously, tucking a curl of hair behind her ears before it stubbornly fell down again, "hi."

He felt himself grinning back, speechless and in front of him Rachel scoffed and hit him on the back of the head, "ouch woman!"

"I was just checking you could still form words."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

"Whore."

"Hey man- don't you call my wife that word."

"What? She started it!"

"Well, well, well," they were torn from the family bickering match to stare at an insanely dressed and clearly still very drunk best man. "The Scotts!" Chris beamed at them, eyes unseeing as he drifted past with one shoe on and an oversized novelty tie thrown over his shoulder. "My favourite family," he slurred, lifting a mug of what smelt like very strong coffee up at them before giggling into it.

Nathan turned to look at Peyton aghast, "did Keller sleep in your house?"

She snorted, "hell no- he decided it would be politer to turn up at half four this morning and ask if I had any eggs because he wanted to make, what was it again? Oh yeah," she deadpanned, "Jakey Bakey a cakey." She rolled her eyes and then gestured to the couch, "he passed out about five seconds before I could tell him I don't own anything that has a sell by date in the next year and he's been out ever since."

Lucas wrinkled up his nose at the state of the couch, Christ did he used to leave smells like that behind?

"Actually you were a whole brewery stronger than this most of the time," he turned to look at Rachel in surprise and she shrugged, "the horror of a man looking at his own past is a pretty obvious facial expression."

He scowled, "don't need to rub it in."

"You called my child a demon, I can be mean to you for months for that," Rachel snapped her fingers in front of Chris's face, "Keller!"

He jumped at least two feet backwards, dropping his mug and shrieking before making an attempt to hide behind Lucas, "get her away from me!"

"Oh yeah you better run you idiot- what were you thinking?"

"Bachelors!"

"Is this your way of coming out to us Chris?"

"Fuck off- I mean we _were_ bachelors so there were strippers therefore, knowing how expedential- expent- expensive medical school is personally- I just had to help them on their way!"

"By drinking a bar dry?"

"Yes!"

* * *

Chris stood up looking sickly pale, beside him Lucas could feel Nathan shaking with silent laughter. Poor Keller. Brooke was going to skin him alive.

"Uh-" he cleared his throat, shooting the happy, if slightly concerned couple a wonky grin, "so- Jake! He's good, you know, he's _tall_," he lifted his hand above his head as if to emphasise his point and then promptly lost his balance and tripped forward and into the table, "woops!"

Lucas could see Brooke's face going from vaguely worried that Chris was having a stroke to flat out stony. It looked remarkably like the expression _Rachel_ wore when she was clearly thinking about all the ways she'd like to kill Lucas.

To his right Chris lurched, pushing on through the fog valiantly, "and I mean he's not just awesome at hockey coshe's tall, he's- he'sa good playerrr you know?" He turned to Brooke and asked with a loud whisper, "you know what I mean?"

"I'm going to kill you," Brooke responded quietly.

Before Chris could respond about thirty pagers went off simultaneously and everyone wearing one shifted to look down.

"Jesus," Rachel muttered. Lucas felt the usual rush of adrenaline as he read the 911 alert from his own pager sent by the cover nurses. He glanced up in time to see Jack striding from the hall, pulling on his jacket whilst Bevin ran behind him, still wearing her maid of honour sash, talking urgently on the phone.

Chris was busy looking around curiously, wondering where the loud buzzing was coming from when Brooke stood up and snatched the mic away from him, "you know the drill guys, let the nurses out of the car park first so we can set up for you. See you at the hospital in ten- don't kill yourselves getting there- we know from experience they'll be a while getting bodies out." She bent to whisper something to Jake who nodded and kissed her quickly, before clambering from the high table with ease and heading out of the hall.

"Is there a fire?" Chris yelled suddenly, "hey! My speech isn't finished!"

Jake rolled his eyes, reaching to snag his friend's collar and tug him away from the mic, "if we hadn't grown up together this is the part where I would sling your ass out Keller."

"Ass? Who's ass? Who has the best ass? What is ass?"

Peyton stood up, opening her cell phone, "Bryony, I'll be there in ten, get as many of them triaged- they're what? On whose authority?" Her face darkened and she began to stride from the room leaving Lucas to catch up, "over-ride it," she snapped sharply. "I don't care- you won't get in any trouble; I'll speak to Jack."

Her eyes were thunderous as she turned to take the keys from Lucas, "I'll drive," she said shortly.

The drive was, at best, awkward and at worst the kind of silence you get when someone's mad and you know just one wrong word will lead to them tail spinning the car off a cliff and Lucas shifted uncomfortably. In the back Rachel was fussing with her dress, cursing her new curves that got in the way of a quick change- Nathan was watching with faint amusement and insisting he was totally in _favour_ of the changes.

"Not now honey," she cursed as she bashed her elbow on the window pane and dropped her hands impatiently.

"You know all this rushing about isn't good for you babe."

"I'm not a child Nathan, I know my limits!" As if to prove her point she immediately went back to messing with her dress straps and he slapped her hands away, "stop it!"

"I'm trying to save you from yourself!"

"Well don't!"

Their easy bickering covered for the icy quiet in the front and Lucas turned to look at Peyton, her knuckles were white with the pressure she was applying to holding the wheel and he sighed, "Peyton-"

"Don't Luke- Julian is- I just need to get to the hospital."

Rachel sat forward, "what was that about Julian?"

Peyton scowled, "he's trying to triage my patients to his system and it's screwing with the nurses- driving them crazy. So now I've got cover nurses crying in my ear about how rude and obnoxious Doctor Baker is- like I don't already know-" she jerked into the staff car park and swerved to the right towards her spot, "and he's trying to make me obsolete Rach. He's trying to make it so that I _have_ to sign off on his damn trial for Jason. And he's not just making my life hell to do it; he's fucking with the nurses!"

Peyton didn't swear much and as if to emphasize _just_ how ruffled Julian's behavior had gotten her she slammed on the brakes as she pulled into her spot and stopped sharply. Lucas had instinctively reached to grab the dashboard and when he turned to give her a look she rolled her eyes and snapped off her seatbelt, "don't."

It was like the Peyton Sawyer he'd met when he first rolled into town was back in full force, every guard she had was back up and anger seemed to be vibrating off her skin as he hurried to keep up with her. He couldn't let her go into the hospital like this, he didn't want her to end up saying something that she'd regret later- and he knew better than anyone the consequences of opening your mouth when you were filled with somewhat righteous anger.

"Hey Peyton, Peyton," he caught hold of her wrist, pulling her back towards him.

She sighed, turning to face him, looking a mix of exasperated and resigned, "I know what you're going to say."

He smirked, "oh you do?"

"Yep, that I'm letting him get under my skin and I shouldn't- that I should tell him where to go like it's that simple when it's not Luke it's-"

He broke her off mid rant, kissing her far more chastely than he'd like to but right now it was all they had time for. When he pulled away she was looking at him, pretty eyes widened in surprise.

"What was that for?"

"You stole my whole argument," he said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes, "I _knew_ that was what you were gonna say."

"You're always right, I've learnt that now." He swung her hands out to the side and then brought them back together to kiss her knuckles, "listen up Sawyer," she raised an eyebrow and he shrugged, "it's time to man up. If someone does something you don't like you know what you do?"

"Kick them in the balls?"

He snorted and shook his head, "that doesn't fly where I come from."

"Oh god are you gonna try and make me go military?"

"Yup. It's the best job in the world for a reason babe, and the thing is, Baker's a douche; everyone knows that. The nurses know you've got their backs so go in there and let them have yours. You wanna triage your way then fucking do that. Cabot asked you to take over for a reason- you're the best kid- prove _you_ know why."

She looked at him dubiously and he leant forward and kissed her forehead, "you would make a kick ass head of paeds, if the offer's still there this would be the best way to shut Julian up for good _and_ help the hospital."

"I said no like a month ago!"

He shrugged again, "so? Cabot still wants you to take it right?"

"If her million memos reminding me the job's still there are anything to go by yeah I guess."

"And when does she make the change?"

Peyton sighed, scrunching up her nose, "she's taking her new associate position in a month, I guess sometime before then."

"So think about it ok?"

She was silent before nodding and patting his chest "who'd have guessed you'd be the one giving me career advice."

He grinned, "things have got pretty weird right?"

"No, just, different," she said softly before giving him a small smile and turning to head down the corridor, "oh!" She spun back around, reaching into her pocket and pulling something out, something that made his heart squeeze up, "you dropped these."

She placed the battered up the carton in his hand and he stared at it wordlessly. When he looked up she was halfway down the corridor, pulling her hair up in that same way that had become so familiar to him, disappearing round the corner like a fucking vision.

* * *

His pager jerked him back to the present and he took off in the opposite direction, ditching his suit quickly and appearing in the ER ten minutes later. It was complete chaos. Benton was barking orders at his student who looked, quite frankly, like he wouldn't be able to place an IV without fainting but must have been made of sterner stuff if the likes of Benton was putting up with him. Brooke handed him a triage kit, her make up from the evening still on but any other traces of frivolity gone as she explained how they were going to triage the mass of patients still arriving at the doors.

"You know the drill, worst case scenarios should all be coming through with the EMTs and we've got most of them on their way up to surgery now. Some of the victims from the train will have to be sutured in the waiting room- Jake's in there now and he needs all the help he can get."

"What about the people on the bus? The one that hit the tracks?"

Brooke pulled a face, "most of them didn't make it here Luke."

He swallowed, some stupid fratboys had gone for a beer run and completely lost control of the car, caused a pile up that shoved a bus through the highway railings and onto the train line, it had been a disaster. He could only imagine the kind of devastation at the scene.

"Look-" Brooke inclined her to where two paramedics were appearing, "they've got one of the boys now."

"I'll take it," he said grimly, moving forward to follow them into the third trauma room. "What have we got?" He yelled over the groaning idiot.

"Trey Blazens, nineteen, fractured collarbone, broken femur, two broken wrists, severe spinal damage and a possible head injury- he's lost a lot of blood and his pulse has been weak and thready the whole way here."

"On my count," Lucas slid around the gurney and reached for the stretcher, everyone around him moving with urgent efficiency, "one, two, three," they lifted and the kid let out a shout as they placed him on the bed, "get him on oxygen." Lucas bent to examine the boy's eyes which were sluggish and disorientated, "you know where you are Trey?"

The kid tried to lift his hand to push away the oxygen mask and his eyes grew panicked when he couldn't lift his hands, "you can't move them," Lucas said quickly, "they're in splints right now and we're assessing for spinal injuries- there's a possibility you could be paralyzed- please try not to move."

"No! No I can't- you can't- I've got a game- a- a basketball-" the heart rate monitor slowed.

"He's going into arrest," Lucas said sharply and the nurse closest to him moved to get the crash cart, "somebody page Shepherd to get down here stat." Lucas swept around the table, "clear!"

Blazens jerked awake as Lucas pressed the panels onto the pads, "Christ! What the fuck man?"

"Just saved your life," Lucas snapped, "even if you idiots didn't deserve to live after the crap you pulled."

"Lucas-" he can feel Brooke pulling on his scrubs and he allowed her to tug him out of the room, "douchebags!" He yelled, kicking at a nearby bag of medical waste. "They cause utter havoc, hurt people- people died! And all he can talk about is his freaking ball game?"

"Then we save them so that they can go out and do better," she said quietly.

"It's not right," he snarled.

Brooke gave him a sad smile, "we don't decide that part Lucas, all we can do is patch up the good people and hope like hell the rest of them try and make a change once they step out those doors."

He stared at her for a second and then dropped his head, smiling ruefully, "you and Jake are too damn optimistic for your own good."

"Nonsense," she said, smirking as she backed into the next trauma room, "what would you all do if we weren't huh?"

"Too damn cheery!" He called after her, still smiling despite himself.

"Scott!" Shepherd appeared looking complete cool and in control despite the chaos around him and Lucas couldn't help but think that in that moment the guy would have made an excellent general- and that he was glad to have someone like him in charge here. "Where's the kid with the spinal injury?"

"Two," he called, "but I think-" before he could finish there was a bang that shook that hospital and Lucas instinctively grabbed the Head of Surgery and hit the floor. The walls shook and medical instruments went flying over them. An alarm started ringing as the entire corridor was filled with smoke and people went down along the walls. There was a crunching noise and another bang and the glass in the trauma rooms shattered right, showering them.

"What the hell just happened to my hospital?"

Lucas looked around, trying to see through the damage, "I have no idea," he panted breathlessly, "but there are people in those trauma rooms."

Shepherd nodded, face grim and covered in dirt, "go for three." He reached into his pocket, fumbling for his phone, "shit cell service in this place-" whatever he was about to say was covered by a loud rumbling and the floor vibrated beneath them.

"Dammit! Lucas get going-"

"We don't know how bad the damage is- you can't go off down that corridor- if it caves in-"

"Hey," Shepherd turned from crawling away in the opposite direction, "I'll go down with my kids if it does."

"Shepherd!"

Lucas had no choice but to let him disappear before turning and sliding along the floor as plaster fell down around him and through the doors Brooke had disappeared into. Dust and smoke clouded his vision and it was like he was back on the floor of a dug out with Shepherd shouting something from behind and another bang leading to sparks flying in front of him. He pulled himself along the tiles, covering his head as the cabinet above the sinks clattered to the floor, something heavy blurring his vision for a moment as it knocked his skull, "Brooke!"

There was a groan and he twisted around, spotting her purple scrubs in the corner. She was curled up and protecting something and he staggered to his feet, making his way over and dropping to his knees. She was bleeding from a cut across her forehead and he realized she was shielding the child that had obviously been on the now upturned, broken in half stretcher.

"Can you move?"

She nodded, her eyes half open and he peeled the little girl from her arms, "come on, we gotta move."

"What- what happened?"

"I've no idea," he said hoarsely, pushing her in front of him so as not to lose her. "Come on Davis, you can move faster than that."

"I can't!"

"Yes you can!" He swallowed down on the mountain of fears building up. Earthquake? Twister? Keller? An explosion in the surgery rooms- Rachel hurt, Nate, **Peyton**.

"Where's my mom?" The little girl seemed to have been dazed before but was now wide awake and clinging to Lucas' neck with suffocating strength.

He choked and looked down at her, trying to smile, "don't worry kid," he wheezed, "we got you."

"I want my _mom_!"

Brooke mumbled something in front of him and then her arms gave way, her head dropping to the floor. "Brooke! Dammit cut me a break here," he gasped out. "Hey, kid? What's your name?"

"Ari."

"Alright Ari, I'm Lucas," behind them the doors of the trauma room fell flat and he pulled the girl instinctively closer, "look I need you to be really brave here Ari. This nice nurse who's been looking after you is hurt pretty bad and we gotta help her ok?"

"Ok."

"So I need you to get on my back." She stared at him for a second, her big brown eyes doubtful, "look I promise I won't drop you and I need you to hold on really tight- does your dad ever give you a piggy back ride?"

She shook her head slowly and he sighed, "yeah mine neither so this'll be a first for both of us ok? Just- put your arms around my neck like this," he shifted her round and felt her tiny hands clinging to his shoulders, "that's- that's great!"

When she was settled he bent over Brooke, feeling for a pulse. Mercifully there was one and taking care not to knock her face he bent and scooped her up in his arms, heading for where the debris was less, hoping like hell there was a fucking exit somewhere.

**I know he's rescuing Brooke but I promise it's like, not shippy at all, I hope it didn't read that way- it leads to other stuff I promise!**


End file.
